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Original poster

Ex married the woman he cheated with

61 replies

Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 13:57

As the title says
Ex DP announced he was leaving me during my pregnancy and I later found out there was someone else and he had been cheating. They got engaged quickly and married last month I am torturing myself but they look so happy in their wedding photos. She knows about me and our young baby and since the wedding he hasn’t bothered to turn up to see our son. I am not usually a bitter person but I feel so resentful, how can he leave me to struggle during my pregnancy and with a newborn and swan off into the sunset. Has anyone been through a similar experience and managed to rebuild their life. He is still on my WhatsApp and he dosent seem to care about what he’s done to me I’ve never had an apology.

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 07/05/2022 14:03

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP.
Is your ex at least contributing to your DS financially?
If not, consider pursuing him for child maintenance.
It is your ex's loss if he has no relationship with his son, but it's sad for your DS too.

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 07/05/2022 14:05

But op you should feel smug. You know precisely what sort of man she has bagged herself Meanwhile your dc has a fantastic dm. Don't bother trying to force a relationship between them. Your dc is better off with just you..

Original poster
Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 14:09

Thank you for your kind words, I went through the cms recently and he reluctantly complied. He tried to bully me to stay quiet as he dosent want anyone to know he’s had a child with someone else. He’s a doctor so a high earner too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 14:11

I know what type of man he is and I know full well I had the luckiest escape! Whenever he would come to see our son he’d try to charm me back with false promises I feel embarrassed for her that she’d think he’s a catch.

OP posts:
theotherfossilsister · 07/05/2022 14:15

How horrible they must both be. I'm sorry. You're doing amazingly

Seasidemumma77 · 07/05/2022 14:16

My exh married the ow, it lasted a year before he cheated on her and they too divorced. Karma

LaBellina · 07/05/2022 14:20

I’m sorry you went trough this. But remember well that how he treated you is a very much an indication of his character and how he’ll likely behave in the future when the novelty of their relationship wears off.

Scottishflower65 · 07/05/2022 14:27

My cousin’s ex DH had an affair all through her pregnancy unknown to her. He named their daughter after OW! He then left her for OW a year later. Some men are just horrible. He then cheated on OW and left her for next OW - I can almost guarantee your ex will do the same.

MintJulia · 07/05/2022 14:30

So she's knowingly married a dishonest, morally bankrupt creep.

How long before he does the same to her?

I know it's hard but don't waste brain space on either of them.

KirstenBlest · 07/05/2022 14:36

Give it time. It hurts like hell when it happens but after a few years it's much easier.

Don't look them up on social media

vipersnest1 · 07/05/2022 14:37

You will get to the point where your philosophy is more along the lines of 'they deserve each other', but it may take time to get there.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 07/05/2022 14:39

You’re so much better off without him.

It’s normal for you to feel resentful. Honestly one day you will realise you’re the winner.

AchatAVendre · 07/05/2022 14:52

Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 14:09

Thank you for your kind words, I went through the cms recently and he reluctantly complied. He tried to bully me to stay quiet as he dosent want anyone to know he’s had a child with someone else. He’s a doctor so a high earner too.

He doesn't want anyone to know he has a child?

How on earth does he plan to keep this secret?

Anyway, poor woman he's married. She might not even know he's a dad.

Pinkpigs · 07/05/2022 14:56

My ex ran off with the other women younger than me I did feel crap but I started to think I'm free now he was very abusive he's now got 3 kids she's only in her 20s he's nearly 40 he's cheated 3 times on her but she forgives him each time if I do see pics online not now now as I deleted FB I could see the strain in her face there always arguing as well

Irishfarmer · 07/05/2022 14:57

I certainly do not blame you for feeling bitter/ angry/ resentful. I would! But don't let those feelings become who you are. It's all fresh enough by the sound of it. But you don't want to be 20 years on still feeling like this and holding onto it, I have meet people my mam who never fully let go of being let down very badly by the father of their DC.

It's good that he is paying CM, do his family know about the child? Are they involved? I live in a small town, it would just be known!

At least you aren't lumbered with what will most likely be a cheating prick of a DH.

Onwards22 · 07/05/2022 15:02

Relationships that were built on one or both people cheating rarely work because they always think that the partner is going to cheat on them as they know they’re capable of it.

You say he doesn’t want anyone to know about the child.
How long were you together?
It sounds like you could have been the OW, so it seems like a fast marriage but they could have been together a lot longer.

It sucks but he is a dick and you have to remember that you don’t want to be with someone like that.

Don’t waste your time texting him.
Make sure proper contact is set up and it’s not just every now and then.
And don’t hide your child.

Get on with your life because being happy is going to be the best revenge.

Original poster
Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 15:10

Thank you for all the nice and comments and sharing your experiences. I’m shocked what some of these men are capable off 😒the type of men that cheat are the lowest of the low.
My little boy is 7 months old and we were together for 2 years. I probably was the OW although we were living together and she was at the other end of the country. She’d sent him some presents once which raised my suspicions but he said I was paranoid and threw them in the bin. He’s from a country where polygamy is the norm so probably had some sick idea that I’d be his bit on the side.
‘He hasn’t told his family for that reason and probably married her to save his reputation but to justify leaving me during my pregnancy he said they’d met before and been on/off. I messaged her to warn her although he’d probably told her I was the psycho ex.
You are all right I will move on and hopefully learn to live with it I just can’t help but want some karma at the moment. My son is thriving and well cared for.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulu996 · 07/05/2022 15:12

The CMS was a nightmare our private arrangement fell through and he’d only contributed £100 in 6 months. He begged me not to go through them and yesterday messaged out the blue “Did they ask for papers to confirm his registration? Or anything that links you to me?”

OP posts:
Seriously79 · 07/05/2022 15:15

Yes, sort of.

Seriously79 · 07/05/2022 15:19

Sorry, posted too soon.

Ex had an affair when our son was 6 weeks old. I didn't find out until much later.

He left us, moved over 300 miles to live with her and her son.

I hope this doesn't sound smug, but things between us are now great. I've re married and had another child, and we can now (after 10 years) get on very well. It wasn't easy, especially in the beginning, but a civil relationship can be possible in time.

Ilady · 07/05/2022 15:20

You did the right thing going to CMS about him. I say he is not to happy having to give you money. Then bullying you to keep quiet about his child because he does not want people to know.
He is not the prince his new wife thinks he is either. My feeling is that given some time that life will bring some hard times for both of them and I can say that money can't solve all problems.
In a few years your going to be in a better place and it just a matter of time before karma will find him and her. She is stuck with him and you not.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 07/05/2022 15:21

Sounds like he's sweating. You have the power in this situation and he knows it.
What country is polygamy the norm??
If he thought it was " normal" ( acceptable?) Why is he trying so desperately to hide you and his child?

2bazookas · 07/05/2022 15:27

Stop his whatsapps .

Console yourself with the thought that you married the wrong man entirely by mistake. He hadn't shown himself .

The OW has snagged herself a real prize cad. No excuses for her, she knows exactly what cheating/disloyalty/dumping/desertion to expect from him because he's already done it to you and his child. So your ex might have met his match, and be in for a very rough ride this time.

Happily swanning off into the sunset? I don't think so.....

pictish · 07/05/2022 15:32

MintJulia · 07/05/2022 14:30

So she's knowingly married a dishonest, morally bankrupt creep.

How long before he does the same to her?

I know it's hard but don't waste brain space on either of them.

This. If she's ok with her husband having nothing to do with his own child then she's very welcome to him and good luck to her. Mwah ha ha.

Irishfarmer · 07/05/2022 15:38

I know feck all about CM but if he is being like that I think the official route where they take the money out of his payroll is the way to go. £100 in 6 months ffs!!

Also sounds like he is worried about his family finding out. Did you ever meet them in your two years together?

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