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Original poster

Would this be a red flag?

102 replies

Scienceseeker · 05/05/2022 21:05

If you were talking to someone new and received this message before your first date, would you see it as a red flag or just a guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing?

”I think if I'm being honest, there might not be attraction between us initially at first sight, but it will probably come with getting to know you better and finding out that you really are a special person and not like the barbie dolls out there who only care about their Instagram“.

Thoughts welcome 🤔

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 05/05/2022 22:20

He wants you to make a huge effort so that he is attracted to you? No way.

totallyoutnumbered · 05/05/2022 22:21

Rainbowqueeen · 05/05/2022 21:11

Definite red flag. He wants you to prove yourself right from the start. I wonder how???

Also shows disrespect for women generally.

This

Nosetickle · 05/05/2022 22:22

I would not be pursuing this one based on that message. Weird.

justjuggling · 05/05/2022 22:24

You can do waaaay better than him.

totallyoutnumbered · 05/05/2022 22:25

Scienceseeker · 05/05/2022 21:39

I know it sounds stupid but I honestly feel like crying it’s made me feel not good enough which is obviously how he sees me.

I’ve since had one that says it’s okay because he’s such I can ‘win him over’ with my personality. Hmm

No OP, it's how he wants you to see yourself. What a massive c**t. Don't let this poor excuse for a man knock your confidence. Block, delete and forget all about him. There are plenty of lovely people out there including you x

DarkCorner · 05/05/2022 22:25

Ugh, yes - red flags galore. He is negging you so that you feel you need to “try and win him over” like he is sone sort of prize —he isn’t—. Don’t feel insecure, it’s probably his standard spiel and nothing to do with whether you look “instagram ready” or not 🙄 (at him!).

Goldybear · 05/05/2022 22:26

RUN FOR THE HILLS

Nosetickle · 05/05/2022 22:28

OrlandointheWilderness · 05/05/2022 21:58

I'd be sending back 'oh I'm so glad you said that, tbh I was so concerned as you are nothing like the men I find attractive but I think I could get over my repulsion enough if you win me over with your personality.... oh wait. That's fucking ugly too.'

But I'm very stressed with essays to get in soon and running on caffeine!

I absolutely love this response!

50ShadesOfCatholic · 05/05/2022 22:30

Oh please set up a date then text him just before saying you can’t make it because you have a better offer but not to despair because despite his shortcomings there may be someone out there willing to give him a chance.

Inthesameboatatmo · 05/05/2022 22:35

God he's not got a fuckin clue. That says to me that he doesn't see it going anywhere and is preparing you for the slow fade. Block delete and move on. Don't waste time on this idiot.

WoodlandWalks123 · 05/05/2022 22:36

Avoid avoid avoid

Onwards22 · 05/05/2022 22:37

Sounds like he’s very self conscious about himself and he’s putting you down so you feel grateful that’s he’s dating you.

I’d put money on it that he’s either not the person in his pictures or they’re taken in very good lighting.

It’s a massive red flag and I’d agree that there’s no attraction and therefore you don’t see the point in meeting up with him - just he prepared for the name calling that’s bound to come after it like you’re fat and ugly.

PriestessofPing · 05/05/2022 22:38

No no no…it’s NOT how he sees you, it’s how he gets women to doubt themselves, lower their self-esteem so they ‘work harder’ to please him. Please look up negging and how it works - this is literally a play right out of that, I am 98% sure i’ve heard this exact phrase (or damn near close to exact) used in videos about pick up artists and negging.

Once you know about this sort of thing you can spot it really easily and it becomes quite funny. Do not take this personally, it’s is NOT about how attractive or not you are - you could be a model and these types would still pull that sort of line out.

Onwards22 · 05/05/2022 22:39

This is why I don’t do OLD

I wish there was a trip advisor review for deadbeat men so we stop wasting our time.

LadyJGrey · 05/05/2022 22:43

Scienceseeker · 05/05/2022 21:39

I know it sounds stupid but I honestly feel like crying it’s made me feel not good enough which is obviously how he sees me.

I’ve since had one that says it’s okay because he’s such I can ‘win him over’ with my personality. Hmm

It’s really really not you.
It’s them.
I’d defo not go on the date with the text one.
And would deign the other one with a response.
Where are you finding these ‘charmers’?

LadyJGrey · 05/05/2022 22:45
  • and WOUOD NOT deign the other one with a response
ErickBroch · 05/05/2022 22:46

100% negging! I would send a laugh emoji back and ghost. Even funnier if you stand him up.

BOOTS52 · 05/05/2022 22:52

eeeww no way he sounds like an idiot who is always strolling through instragram and the likes looking for women. He has undermined you already with that message tell him bye and don't waste your time on him.

Bellieboo33 · 05/05/2022 22:56

Rainbowqueeen · 05/05/2022 21:11

Definite red flag. He wants you to prove yourself right from the start. I wonder how???

Also shows disrespect for women generally.

Absolutely this- it’s like he wants you to somehow prove yourself/ earn his affections. This would give me the immediate ick.
sorry but I would swerve this one.

good luck op
x

Sally872 · 05/05/2022 23:06

You're too good for him. Lucky escape that he has shown his true colours so quickly. Says everything about him and nothing about you. Try not to let it make you feel bad about yourself. Feel disappointed he isn't who you hoped he might be, but don't allow it to make you feel not good enough.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/05/2022 23:17

NOPE.

Astrak · 05/05/2022 23:29

Don't waste a minute further of your life. Block now!

GiraffesMightFly · 06/05/2022 00:18

🤢

Addicted2LuvIsland · 06/05/2022 00:19

You already know the answer OP

Jk24 · 06/05/2022 00:26

Wow I wonder if this is a new trend to get women into bed by making them feel less superior... what a pair of wankers. Please don't let these horrific men dictate your self confidence and block both immediately