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Original poster

Is these red flags acceptable?

65 replies

proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:31

Hi , I started dating this guy 5 months ago. It's been all good until recently obviously getting to know him more I started to notice some quirky things about him. He is very loving, he holds my hand always on the street, he makes breakfast for me and cooks for me and has helped me out with different issues in my personal life but.. first he doesn't like to have sex, he said he doesn't enjoy it and it's always been an issue and it's not me he just prefers to do it himself. He just enjoys being cuddles, massages, touching. He said he can't get hard with normal sex and that's why he doesn't enjoy it. He is also very particular about money, we went on a trip together and first he said he doesn't mind paying more for certain things but today he sent me spread sheet in excel with all the things we spend money on a trip even like 2 euro coffee and asked how much I spent so he did exact calculations and he didn't ask straight but it was obvious he wanted me to pay half so I paid him. He has lots of other little quirks that is showing signs of OCD, he has made lots of complains about ac unit noise in the house opposite him, I could hardly hear anything. He complained about delivery drivers making noise delivering things. I don't know I do think he is a lovely person but I am just thinking if it might a bit too much little things in my head that I think it's bit weird. We have lots of things in common and we have laughs and I do truly enjoy spending time with him but should I stop now before things get more serious.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 04/05/2022 21:32

Yes. If you've got niggles after a few months, why would you stay? Do you expect the niggles to go away, or do you expect to start liking them?

chipsandpeas · 04/05/2022 21:35

run

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 21:37

So basically he is a tight fisted wanker?

Honaloulou · 04/05/2022 21:38

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 21:37

So basically he is a tight fisted wanker?

Yes, that.

Christ it sounds awful.

Bumpsadaisie · 04/05/2022 21:38

From the details you've given it did sound to me like he has some real psychological and emotional difficulties.

None of these mean he isn't a nice person with good things about him too but my feeling is that this will not be an easy or straightforward relationship if you stay in it.

Original poster
proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:39

No I don't expect them to go or like them. It's hard to find someone decent after divorce and having child. He is not horrible, and I do like him and fancy him and he is ambitious, good looking and independent and clean so Damn why can't he be perfect

OP posts:
Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 21:40

Pointless fancying him if he won't shag you surely?

Original poster
proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:42

He has but he didn't come and since then he now ha even stopped trying . You're right saying it out load makes more sense

OP posts:
JoeGoldberg · 04/05/2022 21:44

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 21:37

So basically he is a tight fisted wanker?

😂

corlan · 04/05/2022 21:46

Blimey - it's slim pickings out there! Run, run like the wind and don't look back.

JustWhyy · 04/05/2022 21:49

Urgh, sounds like he's a porn addict who likes sorting himself out, I'd run fast!

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 04/05/2022 22:01

Bill him for a new sex toy. .

crispsandnuts · 04/05/2022 22:02

Bearing in mind most marriages break up because of sex or money....he's waving those two massive red kingsized flags in your face. Don't settle, imagine living with that long term.

NrlySp · 04/05/2022 22:03

Run away. He’s probably using a lot of porn. You can find better.

Original poster
proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 22:03

You're right it makes me think of bigger picture .

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 04/05/2022 22:04

Why would you even consider this? How is this shit preferable to being alone?

hellrabbitishere · 04/05/2022 22:06

id forget this if it were me , no matter how nice he is , your never going to have a good hard shag with him putting it bluntly and hes tight fisted with cash plus moans about odd things that no one else notices , give it a year and you will be utterly miserable if you carry this one on

Inklingpot · 04/05/2022 22:07

Fucking hell, I’d rather be single.

Shoxfordian · 04/05/2022 22:08

So many red flags
Do you really need the internet to tell you that this is a mistake? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

JoeGoldberg · 04/05/2022 22:09

Fucking hell, I’d rather be single.

Haha yeah. Threads like this remind me why I've decided to stay single!

Discovereads · 04/05/2022 22:09

He might be asexual in all honesty and just want a romantic connection and companionship. The spreadsheet of costs is odd, perhaps he has insecurities surrounding money. I don’t think he is a bad person, but it doesn’t sound like you’re compatible as you are unhappy about the lack of sex and his quirks seem to bother you.

Inklingpot · 04/05/2022 22:10

Just to add to that, I’d rather be single for ever and be forced to own a flock of angry geese that date that man.

Seriously, how have (some) men become so incapable of interacting with people?

DogWithMyOwnRoom · 04/05/2022 22:13

proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:39

No I don't expect them to go or like them. It's hard to find someone decent after divorce and having child. He is not horrible, and I do like him and fancy him and he is ambitious, good looking and independent and clean so Damn why can't he be perfect

It IS hard finding someone decent, and it sounds like he is a nice guy but… doesn’t matter how much you fancy him if his sex drive doesn’t match up to yours in these early days it isn’t going to get better.
And yes, petty with money is big red flag
plus other (more minor?) quirks…?

Sorry OP, shame if he is good company but I think you should throw this one back in - don’t settle. You will just be older next time you go fishing…

Iamnotamermaid · 04/05/2022 22:15

The bland or no sex aside everything else like the money thing & complaining about minor petty things would suck the joy out of things for me, even if he did have a fantastic personality. Thanks but no thanks...Hmm

Original poster
proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 22:22

Oh wow well he didn't show all his Quirks first. About sex he said it was stage fright first and he did try and all these things have become more clear now.

OP posts:
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