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Relationships

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Original poster

Is these red flags acceptable?

65 replies

proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:31

Hi , I started dating this guy 5 months ago. It's been all good until recently obviously getting to know him more I started to notice some quirky things about him. He is very loving, he holds my hand always on the street, he makes breakfast for me and cooks for me and has helped me out with different issues in my personal life but.. first he doesn't like to have sex, he said he doesn't enjoy it and it's always been an issue and it's not me he just prefers to do it himself. He just enjoys being cuddles, massages, touching. He said he can't get hard with normal sex and that's why he doesn't enjoy it. He is also very particular about money, we went on a trip together and first he said he doesn't mind paying more for certain things but today he sent me spread sheet in excel with all the things we spend money on a trip even like 2 euro coffee and asked how much I spent so he did exact calculations and he didn't ask straight but it was obvious he wanted me to pay half so I paid him. He has lots of other little quirks that is showing signs of OCD, he has made lots of complains about ac unit noise in the house opposite him, I could hardly hear anything. He complained about delivery drivers making noise delivering things. I don't know I do think he is a lovely person but I am just thinking if it might a bit too much little things in my head that I think it's bit weird. We have lots of things in common and we have laughs and I do truly enjoy spending time with him but should I stop now before things get more serious.

OP posts:

FrancescaContini · 04/05/2022 23:51

In answer to your question: yes

maddy68 · 04/05/2022 23:52

The sex thing makes me query If he has.ED or some other disorder. All of which is fine as long as you are onboard

feelingfree17 · 04/05/2022 23:59

Omg please end it now
You couldn’t even begin to realise what a life you will have if you stay

tuliplover · 05/05/2022 00:22

A spreadsheet? I can't stand a right person who tots up every penny spent. I couldn't stand it in a friend let alone a partner.
As for the no sex -,huge red flag, especially if he admits he watches porn.
Any obsessive behaviour - ugh. This guy may be nice snd have stiff in common, but you are really selling yourself short here. I'd much rather be alone than with a guy with any one of these traits.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/05/2022 01:38

Just run

Vikinga · 05/05/2022 02:22

If I was asexual I would be fine with the no sex bit. But a spreadsheet- nah!

Fraaahnces · 05/05/2022 02:27

Head for the hills, OP

AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/05/2022 06:43

none of this is acceptable and you minimise these red flags at your emotional peril.

End this relationship now as this is precisely how controlling men operate. He is a wolf in sheeps clothing, a Loser.

simoncowellsdog · 05/05/2022 07:24

Ugggh sounds like a controlling porn addict.

Run.

It's not that hard to find someone decent after divorce and kids....and if it is, stay single.

ChoiceMummy · 05/05/2022 08:21

@proudmomofone1
To me, if you are someone who wants/needs a penetrative sexual relationship then yes there are obviously issues for you.
To me, he sounds asexual and probably also on the asd spectrum.
Re the spreadsheet, that sounds like a "fairness" trait which I know personally many autistics share, including those in our family. And if I'm honest, I don't think that 5 months in, that costs on a trip should be 5050. There's a big difference between him saying he'd pay more for an expense and him being expected to have paid more for most things. So as "uncouth" his messaging of the spreadsheet may have been, I don't, personally, see the principle of it as a red flag. I'd actually see the assumption that he was going to pay more as more of a red flag for him tbh.

If I'm honest, this relationship would probably suit me!

Conniebanana · 05/05/2022 08:26

No no no. Get rid. It's bad enough being jn a marriage with niiggles like this that grate in you. The first years should be great. Don't just "settle"

NewandNotImproved · 05/05/2022 18:08

‘He is independent and clean’
Sounds like you’re describing a cat, not an adult human 😂
Why not raise your standards?

mycatisannoying · 05/05/2022 19:15

It's a friendship, nothing more.

Maytodecember · 05/05/2022 21:03

proudmomofone1 · 04/05/2022 21:39

No I don't expect them to go or like them. It's hard to find someone decent after divorce and having child. He is not horrible, and I do like him and fancy him and he is ambitious, good looking and independent and clean so Damn why can't he be perfect

I think you’re setting your sights far too low.
One red flag is one too many. His meanness (sp?) will really grate after a while and no sex, ever? That is just weird.

me4real · 06/05/2022 16:35

He sounds ridiculously crap OP. Lots of people are divorced and have DC, it doesn't mean you can't find someone nice.

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