Husband said he has "never had a life"

[Naggymom]

Hi,
My 20yr marriage has been going through a rough patch in last 2yrs. Lots of differences in opinions and communication problems. This has led to separate beds and lack of intimacy. I have suspected that this has maybe been because of my husband becoming close to a female colleague.

He has denied this repeatedly, but my gut feeling has not subsided. Today after another miserable weekend together, he shouted that he has never had a life. This is something that I am not sure I can forgive. We have three kids together, two teens and a 10yr old.
Its like an alien entity has taken over his body, I do not recognise the man I married. He can't apologise, so is sitting sulking in another room. It's time to leave, I don't think I am over reacting. Obviously, our life together has never been enough.
What do I do? Am a Sahm and rely on him for money. At 49yrs I feel stuck....and am upset at the lack of respect and affection. He did lose his mum last year....so is this just a midlife crisis of sorts..or has he just read me the script?

The whole "l never had a life" cry always make me cringe. I'm sure he liked you doing the heavy lifting with home / children. So he could concentrate on his Important Man Job. I think you do well to dust off your CV and start working again. This sounds like the script. The contempt is crushing -this is why l divorced my ex husband. Don't take any shit about the colleague

I would emotionally detach, work on getting my career back up and running and start saving. Get all your ducks in a row so when he gets to the point of leaving, you hold the door open for him with a smile on your face. Dont give him the satisfaction of leaving you devastated.

If he won’t talk,write to him, we all make choices, I suspect the death of his dad, has made him wonder, why he shouldn’t have an affair.
scrub up physically, apply for those jobs, and don’t be bullied, good luck !

I would disengage from the emotional drama he is creating and put your energy into seeing a solicitor and gathering paperwork.

You have no control over this man - he sounds like he has separated from you without doing so physically.

You are worth more than that. Action now, sadness later op.

It's on him if he "never had a life". Not you.

He wanted a homemaking wife and he got one. If he could not have a life whilst having all his domestic needs met then that is on him.

Sharing family duties like this exactly means both parties can focus on interesting things because a huge pressure is removed. No domestic duties lifts such a weight and with only a job and being a dad (presumably things he enjoys) to think about he had ample time and opportunity to build this life he says he never had.

This is all his own fault.

Ask if he wants an open relationship.
Then when he says yes go find a hot young man.