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Original poster

Dating in 50s

74 replies

50sdating · 02/05/2022 11:40

I'm in my early 50s and have been on a few dating apps. During my 40s I went on lots of dates and there were a few men I clicked with and wanted to see again.

This time round it seems a bit depressing. Men who are my age who I think look attractive don't seem to be interested. I'm assuming they are going for younger attractive women. I have been chatting to men in their late 40s but it just seems to be all chat.

I went on Tinder and reported a couple of men with nude photos!

I'm beginning to think I'm perhaps meant to be single or the 50s aren't a good time to date. Anyone else finding this?

OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 02/05/2022 11:51

I’m 48, overweight and newly single. Dipped my toe into Bumble last night and then promptly deleted it and swore to give it another 6 months before looking again!

The men on there were all pretty good looking to be fair, but they’re strangers and I don’t know them Grin. Really don’t want to have to do this. Wish I could just bump into someone in the supermarket.

I’m feeling the pinch as I know from friends that once I tip over into the 50s box the men in their 60s and 70s will be the only ones interested, if that.

anotherdisaster · 02/05/2022 12:40

I'm 46 and I'm finding the same. I actually sometimes think men get worse as they get older. Most guys my age or older want younger women or they look way older than they are and I'm just not attracted.

StarCourt · 02/05/2022 12:56

I'm mid fifties and gave up dating apps 4 yrs ago. It's not worth the hassle, the men are crap.

PollyIndia · 02/05/2022 17:58

I'm a bit younger - 46 - but dating apps aren't for me either. I just don't fancy anyone on the basis of a few photos and lines of text, plus DS is still young and I have him all the time so I really don't want to waste my time until I know I have a connection. I figure I'd prefer to go out dancing with friends, have fun, and maybe meet someone out and about, than waste a babysitter to go for a drink with someone whose very likely not to be for me.
I've actually got a second date tomorrow with someone I met a few weeks ago then we went for dinner last weekend. We are meeting for an exhibition and boozy lunch while DS at school. And I've had quite a few flirtations this year so far with people I've met in real life, though none went beyond kissing or a few texts until this guy.
So that would be what I would do... though I guess depends if you like dancing... I see people recommending hobby groups etc if dancing and parties isn't your thing. I definitely notice I don't get chatting to people if I go for dinner with my coupled up friends, so it has to be the right kind of place!

CandleLantern · 02/05/2022 18:24

I'm 48. I did a bit of online dating in my late 30s and again in my early 40s. I've been single, other than a few brief flings, since my late 30s. I met a few men who were good enough to pass the time online but no one I'd have considered for an actual relationship.

I met my boyfriend in real life at a hobby 4 years ago and we've been together for 6 months. Due to the nature of the hobby, we knew each other very well, spent a lot of time together, have been for weekends away etc and there was already a high level of trust there. As far as we are both concerned - this is it now and, to be perfectly honest, if anything went wrong, I'd just stay single.

I get a reasonable amount of interest in real life, including from men who'd be considered to he quite eligible but there are none I'd be interested in.

I hate everything about online dating. Some people seem to enjoy the 'window shopping' element of it; the possibility that you might chance upon someone you'd never otherwise have met but it just feels like one giant pucke dance to me and littered with unrealistic expectations (on both sides) and blurred boundaries all round. Just awful.

CandleLantern · 02/05/2022 18:28

One giant pick me dance...

Tempnamelady · 02/05/2022 20:52

Im on Bumble. Im 51, but i look a lot younger, i work out and I am a professional in a senior role. I find the standard of men to be quite low in my opinion , bikes,beer, fish, no thanks.
i have had 600 likes in a week and there is literally 1 who looks ok.

Musttryharder2021 · 02/05/2022 22:22

I hope nobody finds this question too intrusive, I'm genuinely curious how have any of the posters handled perimenopause/menopause and dating? Has anyone noticed a lack of interest r the opposite, an unusual surge in hormones that has made you be interested in men sexually?

RitaFaircloughsWig · 03/05/2022 04:15

If you are in a position to meet men in different ways then that's great but for so many women they just don't have this opportunity. I know several women myself included who met and have married their partners from online. The ones who have said " Oh i just want to meet someone IRL" are still sitting there at home on their own. You have to make your luck in this life.

Loveisallweneed · 03/05/2022 04:23

Musttryharder2021 · 02/05/2022 22:22

I hope nobody finds this question too intrusive, I'm genuinely curious how have any of the posters handled perimenopause/menopause and dating? Has anyone noticed a lack of interest r the opposite, an unusual surge in hormones that has made you be interested in men sexually?

No not less interested but do notice most men our age are totally up themselves and think they deserve women much younger than them … so that can be a major turn off

anotherdisaster · 03/05/2022 07:40

RitaFaircloughsWig · 03/05/2022 04:15

If you are in a position to meet men in different ways then that's great but for so many women they just don't have this opportunity. I know several women myself included who met and have married their partners from online. The ones who have said " Oh i just want to meet someone IRL" are still sitting there at home on their own. You have to make your luck in this life.

I do agree with this to a certain extent but, sometimes I'd rather be sat at home on my own than dealing with how online dating usually ends up making me feel!

timestheyarechanging · 03/05/2022 08:01

Are you on Facebook? Only I am and member of several groups. This is how I 'Met' my current partner. We are both in the same group, he friend requested me and I accepted as we have many real life friends in common. We then started messaging and turns out we had met previously a few times 25 odd years ago (clubs and parties) he's friends with my best friends husband and her so I called her to check out what he was like. All very good. Carried on messaging for a week, Met up and been together ever since. Planning to move in together soon. Our mutual friends are all delighted for us.

EBearhug · 03/05/2022 08:18

Has anyone noticed a lack of interest r the opposite, an unusual surge in hormones that has made you be interested in men sexually?

Hormones are going mad just now,but also unpredictable periods makes the planning of dates/sex an interesting challenge, especially given my calendar is pretty full with other stuff already.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 03/05/2022 14:02

@anotherdisaster yes I get that. You do need to toughen up to do this and you do have to have an "it's them not me" attitude. I followed the dating thread on here and found it very helpful to see that crap happens all the time and to many people. It also gave me useful tips about boundaries about who I would even consider.Some people are happy at home, on their own for the rest of their life. I just knew it wasn't what I wanted. My children had left home and I found it miserable not having anyone to talk to.

anotherdisaster · 03/05/2022 14:09

RitaFaircloughsWig · 03/05/2022 14:02

@anotherdisaster yes I get that. You do need to toughen up to do this and you do have to have an "it's them not me" attitude. I followed the dating thread on here and found it very helpful to see that crap happens all the time and to many people. It also gave me useful tips about boundaries about who I would even consider.Some people are happy at home, on their own for the rest of their life. I just knew it wasn't what I wanted. My children had left home and I found it miserable not having anyone to talk to.

You are 100% right and I've just had this exact conversation with another single friend. Mr Right isn't going to knock on our door. I just wish I could care a little less when men behave badly.

saggyjanet · 03/05/2022 14:12

I think a lot of men on dating apps are there for one thing - Poosay, and so they want women who are easier to have a fling with. As you're 50 they will probably think AHHHH she wants something serious and AHHHH she probably has kids. Maybe. So you kinda have to stick around for a while and kiss a few frogs and weed out the weirdos unfotunately. My friend is single in her 50s and gets chatted up a lot by builders in their 30s..pretending they want to date but they all end up wanting one thing. Frustrating!

saggyjanet · 03/05/2022 14:14

TBH I doubt it's much different for younger women. Would be much better if there was a way for singles to meet in real life aka a single village or something lol

LamaDoctor · 03/05/2022 18:40

I'm in my late 50s and have had my foot in the internet dating pool off-and-on (mostly off) over the last 15 years. Its been grim though. My observations ...

1.Most men in that age group who are interesting and good-looking(ish) have a very big pool to fish from. They really are quite "entitled" and nearly always would prefer someone younger. I don't necessarily blame them but the cliche does grate.
2.Often average men in late 40s and 50s have let themselves go badly - for whatever reason. I'd honestly find them hard to fancy.

3.If you are Ms Average looking for Mr Average you're probably fare better. If you're not on that bell-curve, eg. need a more cultured partner, its a tougher search. Probably best to proclaim your interests to connect with the right kinda people. Don't know if it helps though.
4.You need the skin of a rhinoserous (sorry, spelling!) if you are sensitive in any way. It can all feel a bit ruthless, for everyone but esp for older women, it seems to me.
5.Internet dating is full of men (maybe women too) who have "issues" like personality disorders, hatred of women, and so forth - I think you have to be cautious and careful at all times. There are some real nutters on there.

God, all that sounds awful and depressing! I just honestly couldn't touch it with a bargepole after my experience. But RitaFairclough also makes a good point. If you really want to meet someone its still a possible. Just.Be.Alert.Be.Careful.

coodawoodashooda · 03/05/2022 18:48

RoyKentsChestHair · 02/05/2022 11:51

I’m 48, overweight and newly single. Dipped my toe into Bumble last night and then promptly deleted it and swore to give it another 6 months before looking again!

The men on there were all pretty good looking to be fair, but they’re strangers and I don’t know them Grin. Really don’t want to have to do this. Wish I could just bump into someone in the supermarket.

I’m feeling the pinch as I know from friends that once I tip over into the 50s box the men in their 60s and 70s will be the only ones interested, if that.

That is terrifying.

Loveisallweneed · 04/05/2022 03:56

LamaDoctor · 03/05/2022 18:40

I'm in my late 50s and have had my foot in the internet dating pool off-and-on (mostly off) over the last 15 years. Its been grim though. My observations ...

1.Most men in that age group who are interesting and good-looking(ish) have a very big pool to fish from. They really are quite "entitled" and nearly always would prefer someone younger. I don't necessarily blame them but the cliche does grate.
2.Often average men in late 40s and 50s have let themselves go badly - for whatever reason. I'd honestly find them hard to fancy.

3.If you are Ms Average looking for Mr Average you're probably fare better. If you're not on that bell-curve, eg. need a more cultured partner, its a tougher search. Probably best to proclaim your interests to connect with the right kinda people. Don't know if it helps though.
4.You need the skin of a rhinoserous (sorry, spelling!) if you are sensitive in any way. It can all feel a bit ruthless, for everyone but esp for older women, it seems to me.
5.Internet dating is full of men (maybe women too) who have "issues" like personality disorders, hatred of women, and so forth - I think you have to be cautious and careful at all times. There are some real nutters on there.

God, all that sounds awful and depressing! I just honestly couldn't touch it with a bargepole after my experience. But RitaFairclough also makes a good point. If you really want to meet someone its still a possible. Just.Be.Alert.Be.Careful.

I agree with most of your observations though don’t quite understand why you don’t reall blame them for being superficial prats wanting someone younger - it’s all about an ego boost .

anotherdisaster · 04/05/2022 09:22

Loveisallweneed · 04/05/2022 03:56

I agree with most of your observations though don’t quite understand why you don’t reall blame them for being superficial prats wanting someone younger - it’s all about an ego boost .

Show quote history

Its an ego boost for sure but I also believe that they seek out younger women because they know women in their 40s/50s won't tolerate their crap. Maybe they think younger women are easier to impress too.

blueagain · 04/05/2022 09:55

It’s all about their ego. Women like us in their 50s have dumped them for a reason

Loveisallweneed · 04/05/2022 10:01

@anotherdisaster absolutely that too
I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t blame them for seeking out women that they feel they can manipulate and /or for the ego boost

Renruter · 04/12/2022 20:26

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tomlehrer · 31/07/2023 16:03

I went online dating when I was 44/45 and was pretty surprised when lots of younger men - some nearly 20 years younger - expressed an interest (I was on Bumble at the time so maybe it has something to do with that site?) I am very average-looking and, to be honest, didn't have the most arresting profile. These men were attractive and good company (yes, I did go on the odd date with one or two of them). In the end, the age difference was too great for me.

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