I have posted about her in the past, but under a different username to stay anonymous. But again, I'm in limbo of if to really cut ties with this friend or not, as she just makes me feel anxious and bad.
We are both in our 30s and single. Friends for 10 years. This problem seemed to start about 2016 but previous to that, I felt we had a good friendship. Equal amount of messaging and saw each regularly. Although we don't meet up as much as we did, when we do, its like no time has passed at all and we have a great time.
I care about her and worry about her a lot. She is quite 'wild' compared to me, in that she will book trips last minute to random places on her own to meet new people, still goes 'out' all the time, is always on social media, always mentions people in conversation who i've never heard her speak about before and I have to question 'who' and she will explain how they met in the most random circumstances but have become friends.
I am the opposite, I wish I had more friends and family, even a partner. but other wise, i'm fairly happy. She is extroverted, but I am introverted, and I'm happy to come home and chill out after a long days work, where as it seems friend has to always be out doing things and gets down if shes not.
Now the problem is actually not the contrast in our personalities which has always been, but the way I feel she treats me nowadays.
For example, she recently went on another of these 'trips' abroad without telling me, I had to find out from facebook. I then text her and felt a bit upset when she responded saying she was sorry she forgot to tell me! I left her to it and didn't respond.
Mid week she text me to tell me how the trip was going, I was happy to hear from her. I responded the same day asking lots of questions. Anyway that was days ago, she never replied to my text. Yet she is updating facebook constantly and posting pictures etc and i'm feeling bothered.
Because i'm single, friendships are important to me. I need them to feel 'validated' I guess. And I understand not everyone can be there for a friend all the time, but we are both single and I know she is constantly on social media, messaging people who don't really matter (who aren't proper friends to her), whilst ignoring me. And yet she has many times described me as her 'best friend', how?
She has confided to me before that she can find it suffocating having to respond to people all the time... so why does she NEVER reply to me??
I did wonder, if its because shes so comfortable around me, that she doesn't feel the need to be constantly in touch, and that she believes i'll always 'be there' when she needs me.
And sure, when she needs me, I suddenly feel suffocated, when she starts overloading with messages and phone calls. Its very all or nothing with this friend. I just want to be in touch, a few messages a week, see each other now and then and not feel anxious about messaging her, in case I don't get a response!
Its like she doesn't ever give her 'best friend' a thought except if she wants my advice or if SHE fancies a chat. Its become all on her terms and i'm sick of it.
OR is it as I said, she just thinks i'll always be there in the background, so she is there keeping up her social media 'image' and messaging random people, to come back to me when she feels like it.
I'm conflicted. Theres been a few times where I think how this friendship makes me sad now. Its practically non-existent most of the time. I start to be distant, feel sad. Realise this friendship isn't doing anything for me, although I care about her. Then she may get back in touch and I end up talking to her like all is well, then the long cycle of no contact starts again. I have mentioned how I feel before, I that I don't understand how she can't reply to my texts but can have full on conversations with Joe Bloggs she met on a random night out.
I feel like my feelings are that of a teenager and not someone approaching mid 30s! I just want my best friend to actually be a friend again.