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Original poster

smoking in the house

74 replies

shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 12:10

in the last few weeks gradually my boyfriend has been slowly staying in my home more nights a week. been together 4 years. he has always smoked since we met. i have always made it clear i hate smoking in a home and think its dirty. i pointed this out a million times b4.. this used to not be an issue but now hes here more he keeps try get away with smoking inside..started off standing just inside the back door to smoke..to now openly smoking when im not here or if im in bed.. this morning i got up and instantly smelt smoke from the upstairs landing.. went downstairs he had left for work..there was an ash tray with about 10 butts in it in the kitchen..not even trying to hide it.. bits of ash on the table and ground...its driving me absolutely insane.. surely this is just complete and utter ignorance at this stage how can i get through to him how big a problem this is gonna cause between us..

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 26/04/2022 12:18

Bin him

FetchezLaVache · 26/04/2022 12:19

Get rid. The smoking is a red herring, this man is telling you that your boundaries are not important.

BakedTattie · 26/04/2022 12:20

That’s disgusting.

grapewines · 26/04/2022 12:23

Get him out. It's disgusting, and he clearly doesn't care about your home or your boundaries. It is very likely to get so. Fuck that completely.

grapewines · 26/04/2022 12:24

*to get worse

Pinkbonbon · 26/04/2022 12:26

Tbh I'm with @FetchezLaVache on this.

He KNOWS you are not ok with it. So it's not ignorance, it's disrespect.

If you aren't ready to bin him then you need to tell him 'I'm only going yo tell you this this one last time, do not smoke in my home. If you do it again then we are over'.

If he acts like a knob when you say this to him (eg: gasloghts you by trying to make out you are being unfair or overreacting) or if he ever smokes in your home again - boot him out.

Pinkbonbon · 26/04/2022 12:27

*gaslights you

(And I mean boot him out permanently)

Original poster
shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 12:29

im on the verdge of expoding at him over it now..gonna try keep calm tho and literally just tell him next time it happens im done with him.. its his choice to smoke he doesnt get to take my choice away to not want to live in a house that doesnt stink of fags

OP posts:
Original poster
shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 12:30

to want to live in a house that doesnt stink i ment

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/04/2022 12:30

Tbh you should be done with him now.

gamerchick · 26/04/2022 12:32

No smoking inside mine either. My mother would constantly light up and be forced to move. She would smoke when I wasn't there and then ring me to tell me. It's disrespect and contempt for you OP. You'll have to be prepared to follow through.

CornishGem1975 · 26/04/2022 12:36

Would be a complete dealbreaker for me and I'm not even kidding.

KirstenBlest · 26/04/2022 12:38

It's not just the stink, @shellyr1989 , it'll stain your walls and ceilings, your curtains/blinds, carpets/rugs, furniture.

He clearly has no respect for your boundaries or your house or you.

PonyPatter44 · 26/04/2022 12:46

Throw him back in the sea, OP. He doesn't respect your home or your wishes,and for that reason, he's not a keeper.

If someone left a full ashtray in.my kitchen, that ashtray would be emptied into their shoes.

StoppinBy · 26/04/2022 12:49

That smell will hang around for so long.

Very disrespectful, I couldn't stand that.

It would be a deal breaker for me, he's pushing the boundaries far to hard and in a way that tells you, your home now goes by his rules and not yours.

If it didn't stop immediately then I would be booting him back to his own place quick smart and on a permanent basis.

Pinkbonbon · 26/04/2022 13:16

Just a side thought,you say he has been staying at yours more and more...has he started contributing?

I mean does he at least cover all the food for those days?

He will be running up your bills after all.

Also, is he pulling his weight about the place? I mean, does he clean up after himself in general? (Obv not according to the fag butts i suppose)

Basically, is he taking the piss in other ways too?

MardyOldGoth · 26/04/2022 13:19

Disrespectful. I agree with PPs, big red flag!

theemmadilemma · 26/04/2022 13:28

I'm a smoker and that's really disrepectful.

When I met my Partner (many years ago) we were both smokers, I used to actually even smoke in my bedroom. When he moved in with me, he asked that I stop. And I did. And I could never do it now. 😖

newbiename · 26/04/2022 13:30

Dealbreaker for me. I couldn't be with a smoker. To leave a dirty ashtray out - how dare he 🤢

TeeBee · 26/04/2022 13:36

Utterly disrespectful. There are others that don't smoke and who listen to your boundaries...choose one of those.

Motnight · 26/04/2022 13:36

It's not ignorance. It is lack of respect

RantyAunty · 26/04/2022 13:37

Gross. Tell him to go back home, permanently.
He has zero respect for you or your home.

Original poster
shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 13:44

he does pay his way, cleans round in other ways and in general does pull his weight.. but this is a deal breaker for me now.. ive said it enough times now the next time i say it will be the very last..

OP posts:
PoshWatchShitShoes · 26/04/2022 13:47

Absolute dealbreaker for me too. I broke up with a gorgeous guy because he smoked. Two weeks into our relationship and I was trying to avoid kissing him!! Yuck, so disgusting

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2022 13:50

shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 13:44

he does pay his way, cleans round in other ways and in general does pull his weight.. but this is a deal breaker for me now.. ive said it enough times now the next time i say it will be the very last..

And what possible future would you have?

If it was his house too you can guarantee he'll take no notice.

But anyway, how can you bear him near you? Don't tell me he doesn't smell.