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Original poster

smoking in the house

74 replies

shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 12:10

in the last few weeks gradually my boyfriend has been slowly staying in my home more nights a week. been together 4 years. he has always smoked since we met. i have always made it clear i hate smoking in a home and think its dirty. i pointed this out a million times b4.. this used to not be an issue but now hes here more he keeps try get away with smoking inside..started off standing just inside the back door to smoke..to now openly smoking when im not here or if im in bed.. this morning i got up and instantly smelt smoke from the upstairs landing.. went downstairs he had left for work..there was an ash tray with about 10 butts in it in the kitchen..not even trying to hide it.. bits of ash on the table and ground...its driving me absolutely insane.. surely this is just complete and utter ignorance at this stage how can i get through to him how big a problem this is gonna cause between us..

OP posts:
Original poster
shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 14:21

i knew he smoked when we met so i can deal with that..its his choice to smoke not something i can control..its the smoking indoors especially in my home thats my issue.. he needs to respect my wishes. im gonna be as blunt as i can about it this eve and either he cops on or its over..

OP posts:
ChairCareOh · 26/04/2022 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2022 14:32

shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 14:21

i knew he smoked when we met so i can deal with that..its his choice to smoke not something i can control..its the smoking indoors especially in my home thats my issue.. he needs to respect my wishes. im gonna be as blunt as i can about it this eve and either he cops on or its over..

As I said, how will you trust him to follow your wishes? Especially if you live together.

You haven't answered that point.

But as you have put up with it so far it's up to you where the line is - i'm just pretty sure he'll move it

Bananalanacake · 26/04/2022 14:33

Is he trying to move in by stealth? I would put your foot down, tell him he can only stay over once a week and on the condition that he smokes outside.

MandUs · 26/04/2022 14:36

He doesn't respect or love you at all. If he did either of those things he wouldn't insist on harming your health and killing you slowly which is exactly what he's doing. Think about that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/04/2022 14:53

Former smoker here.

It's gross and disrespectful.

Drinkingallthewine · 26/04/2022 17:09

The stink of disrespect off his actions is almost as bad as the smell hanging around after he's smoked a pile of fags.

There are very few smokers who will even smoke inside their own homes these days so this is pig ignorant and he knows it, AND he doesn't care. He doesn't care about your feelings, or your distaste, or your home or your basic requirement to have a smoke free home. He's telling you what he thinks of your wishes and beliefs that don't align with his - so listen. It's a real Fuck You move from him.

DP and I both smoked when we met. When I quit smoking he took his cigs outside and he's done that ever since.

Tessasanderson · 26/04/2022 17:15

Everything of his in black bin bags, including the fag ash. Put them at the back door. When he gets home and asks WTF, tell him that you cant stand fags anywhere near your home. Its his choice to either leave or stop the smoking whilst under your roof.

He will realise you are 100% for real and he will have an easy choice to make.

DemBonesDemBones · 26/04/2022 17:20

I smoke and I also vote to get rid of him. Smoking inside is vile. He's telling you that your feelings and boundaries don't matter and treating you and your home with such disrespect.

houseonthehill · 26/04/2022 17:37

Set up a nice smoking area for him outside - chair, table, ashtray, cover for when it's raining.

Topseyt123 · 26/04/2022 17:45

It would be a deal-breaker for me too.

I am the child of two dyed in the wool smokers who always smoked inside when we were growing up (in the house and in the car) and I really didn't know what it was like to breathe clean and fresh air indoors until I left home in my early twenties.

I now really notice it badly when I go back to visit my now very elderly mother there. She's recently widowed and still sits there smoking like a chimney all day every day.

DH was briefly a smoker when we were students but gave up almost 30 years ago.

We don't allow smoking in our house. Visitors who smoke can only do so in the garden or on the drive. No exceptions.

Tell this entitled arse that you will bin him off if he doesn't listen to you this time. Mean it. He is being very disrespectful. Reinforce to him that you absolutely CAN tell whenever he has lit a fag in your house and won't tolerate it. Sometimes I think that some smokers like to think that they alone are smoking with impunity, that their smoke and cigarettes are harmless and do not smell. It's bollocks of course, but they still need reminded of that.

Whatonearth07957 · 26/04/2022 18:52

I smoke. Have my own rule not to inside the house. I abide by it. Family and friends do as well. This is massively disrespectful. Last chance saloon. He wouldn't smoke in a pub as it's not allowed.

Original poster
shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 19:04

Had it out with him this eve.. Basically said if he doesnt stop right this very min and listen to me properly he can f off basically.. He seemed shocked and apologetic even embarrassed by how much i hate it . Has gone and got a vaping thing and said he will try quit.. Or at the least it wont happen again in the house... Time will tell i suppse if he means it..

OP posts:
skilpadde · 26/04/2022 19:13

Oh no, is he going to start vaping in your house now? Because that is also vile, just in a different way.

People who think you're okay with your living room smelling of sickly cherry... just no.

Topseyt123 · 26/04/2022 19:13

shellyr1989 · 26/04/2022 19:04

Had it out with him this eve.. Basically said if he doesnt stop right this very min and listen to me properly he can f off basically.. He seemed shocked and apologetic even embarrassed by how much i hate it . Has gone and got a vaping thing and said he will try quit.. Or at the least it wont happen again in the house... Time will tell i suppse if he means it..

Let's hope you have got through to him. As you say, time will tell. Also, some smokers I have known can be extraordinarily stubborn and sneaky when it comes down to it. They can be in denial that there is anything wrong.

You'll have to stay on the ball here. If he tries to sneak them in again then that should be the end.

SuziSecondLaw · 26/04/2022 19:15

My ex used to do this. Then promise to stop, and do it being my back. One of many, many ways in which he completey destroyed the trust.
It's about basic respect, frankly. It's a perfectly reasonable request, and he doesn't respect you or your home.

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2022 19:22

houseonthehill · 26/04/2022 17:37

Set up a nice smoking area for him outside - chair, table, ashtray, cover for when it's raining.

Encourage him???

Why would she??

Workinghardeveryday · 26/04/2022 19:27

Fuck!! I would go bat shit crazy. Totally disrespectful. And I used to smoke. As if you would do that when explained how much you didn’t like it!!!!

op, if he does it again he is a prick and has zero respect for you.

Theoldwrinkley · 26/04/2022 19:34

LTB......first time I've ever put that and meant it!

houseonthehill · 26/04/2022 22:51

Nanny0gg · 26/04/2022 19:22

Encourage him???

Why would she??

Show quote history

Encourage him to smoke outside? Sure. Why wouldn't she?

MsLumpyBottom · 26/04/2022 23:12

I’m a smoker and have never smoked inside my house or anyone else’s, let alone a non smokers!

Even I would bin him. So disrespectful!

The fact he’s done it so blatantly not even trying to dispose of his fag butts and dropping ash, aside from the obvious smell, pretty much adds up to him thinking he’s got his feet under the table and can do what he likes.

He probably was shocked and apologetic that you called him out on it initially but I’d bet a penny to a pound it won’t last long.

timestheyarechanging · 26/04/2022 23:30

I'm a smoker but never sMoked indoors when I lived with my ExH as he didn't. I managed to give up when pregnant but sadly went back during split but I never smoked indoors.

My current partner doesn't smoke so I don't smoke indoors when he is here about 4 days/nights a week. It's my house but I wouldn't smoke indoors whilst he's here. I would never smoke inside at his place and when we move in together (soon) I won't smoke inside. Actually, I'll try to give up again.

It's disrespectful.

StrangeCondition · 27/04/2022 10:32

He wouldn't be using his vape inside either, they fucking stink

NewandNotImproved · 27/04/2022 10:39

houseonthehill · 26/04/2022 17:37

Set up a nice smoking area for him outside - chair, table, ashtray, cover for when it's raining.

what the actual fuck would anyone in their right mind consider this? 😂

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/04/2022 10:50

Set up a nice smoking area for him outside - chair, table, ashtray, cover for when it's raining.

Why not give him a blow job when he's out there smoking too 🙄

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