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Original poster

He’s deleted the apps after our first date…

60 replies

Pavesi · 25/04/2022 17:51

Hi all,

I was talking to a guy for a few weeks on Bumble, we really hit it off and seemed to have a lot of alignment in terms of viewpoints, values etc - this was both ways not just him agreeing with me.

We met on Friday and the date went incredibly well, we were together for around 5 or 6 hours and conversation really flowed.

However he was quite intense saying things like he was excited for the first time in a long time (the feeling was mutual but I wasn’t going to volunteer that!) and that he’d be happy to delete the apps and just see where things go with dating me.

Saturday he text to say he’s deleted the apps and whilst it’s very flattering, it does feel like a lot of pressure and expectation.

Now I’m wondering if this is a man that’s openly keen and doesn’t want to mess around (we’re both nudging 40) or if this is a massive red flag. He’s also been single for 2-3 years if that makes a difference at all?

I am a good catch - good job, own home, no kids or difficult ex partners, look good for my age. However I’m not so amazing that a man would feel compelled to focus on just me so early on 😂At least that has never happened before to my knowledge!

Has anyone else experienced this? What do you think?

OP posts:
Whatsthestoryboringglory · 25/04/2022 17:55

Could be amazing. Could be love bombing. Keep your wits about you but enjoy it!

rosewater20 · 25/04/2022 17:59

I haven't experienced it and it does seem tricky. Since you had a great connection when you met, I would see how things go over the next couple of weeks and if there are red flags you can get rid. I would make it clear to him that you are interested in seeing him again, however, you won't be getting rid of the apps (and are still dating others), you want to take things slowly and see how they progress. And I think you should keep dating other people and not get too serious with this guy right away (for instance, keep texting to the minimum). His reaction to you telling him that you aren't ready to jump into a serious relationship with him right away and will be dating others will be telling.

Iamnotamermaid · 25/04/2022 18:00

Maybe he just knows what he wants 🤔 but keep an open mind, feet on the ground and give it a whirl. On paper some people would love this and complain if they were still on dating apps. This is just another spin on how OLD could look...

oliviastwisted · 25/04/2022 18:01

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 25/04/2022 17:55

Could be amazing. Could be love bombing. Keep your wits about you but enjoy it!

^this

worth exploring

FishFingerSandwiches4Tea · 25/04/2022 18:02

I think you're right to be wary op, enjoy yourself but trust your instincts. Don't be bowled over by the fact that he's so keen - make sure you like him too!

Just to add though, this happened to me and we're married now 😊

seensome · 25/04/2022 18:03

Not everyone wants to date multiple people at once, just see how it goes for the next few weeks, your not obliged to have a relationship with him.

Katyyy · 25/04/2022 18:06

My partner did this too.
Except for the fact that in my opinion our first date went horrendously. He got home that night and messaged me straight away so I decided there was no harm in date number 2.
A week later he had done the same, he said he felt it only fair to see where this went if we wanted to date regularly and I have a child and baggage so you sound like much more of a catch then I was 😅
7+years later we are still going strong.

Sit back and enjoy its another life experience at the end of the day.

HollowTalk · 25/04/2022 18:14

Do you think he is in a similar position to you regarding finances and baggage?

HMG107 · 25/04/2022 18:21

I met my OH on Bumble, we’re not the type to date multiple people at once so both deleted our apps after the first date. This week marks our third wedding anniversary.

Bobthescammer · 25/04/2022 18:28

My husband deleted his dating profile after our first date. He’s totally normal (well sort of). However there will be women this has happened to where the guy was a creepy weirdo stalker! So I agree with a op who said it could be the start of something great but keep your wits about you just incase.

LightSpeeds · 25/04/2022 18:30

If you've both been having a great time, so far, why would he want to keep on looking for someone else?

He does sound more intense/more invested than you already, though, so he could be bitterly disappointed if it doesn't work out (but that is the nature of OLD/ relationships).

It sounds like the ick may be starting for you...

Countdownis35 · 25/04/2022 18:34

HollowTalk · 25/04/2022 18:14

Do you think he is in a similar position to you regarding finances and baggage?

Good questions. Find this out OP.

It's love bombing anyone declaring so much so soon I would be wary.

JenniferPlantain · 25/04/2022 19:06

We are so used to mind games and general dating f*ckery that honesty is unnerving. I get it. My DH is the same and I almost mistook him just openly acknowledging our obvious chemistry to be some sort of red flag. Now I almost want to barf thinking how I nearly didn’t go on the 3rd date after he told me he’d suspended his tinder account. I wouldn’t have my best friend and the most amazing husband!

We can’t tell you which way this will go, so screenshot what @Whatsthestoryboringglory wrote and do what feels good!! X

Fruitandnuts · 25/04/2022 19:14

Same thing happened me, amazing first date and by third date he told me he had deleted bumble, I was abit shocked as I’d went through a number of player types. I just took it slowly and enjoyed each date and we are now nearly 2 years together.
He could just be the straight up type, they do exist ! Especially in your late 30s, same as me, my DP just didn’t wanna mess about and was honest he had some commitments with elderly parents, a DC and we met during covid so it wasn’t smooth sailing but we kept communicating and working to see each other.
Give his guy a chance, just keep your wits about you as you normally would and enjoy it.

Tillyscoutsmum · 25/04/2022 19:18

Definitely agree with others. Having OLD for about 9 years on and off, this would ring slight alarm bells. However, after encountering a huge amount of emotional fuckwits and game players in that time, a small part of me would be thrilled at someone being so open and clearly into me. Enjoy it whilst maintaining the red flag sensors!

Original poster
Pavesi · 25/04/2022 19:20

Thanks everyone I feel much more reassured though I will of course keep my wits about me!

It’s so wonderful hearing your love stories and tales of success! I think I’ve just become a bit jaded and tired of OLD and this was the first spark of excitement I’ve felt in a long time.

In terms of his status - he is also in a very good position, he bought a new house last year (it will have cost more than mine) has a very good job and knowing the industry will likely get paid slightly more than I do too. No kids, no ex-wives, no obvious baggage.

OP posts:
glamourousindierockandroll · 25/04/2022 19:22

Agree it could go either way.

GenerallyGreenerGrass · 25/04/2022 19:29

He sounds like a decent guy who likes you and wants to let you know that while he’s seeing you, he won’t be seeing other people.
I really don’t see anything wrong with this, he’s probably a straight up guy.
Good luck op!

bettertocryinamercedes · 25/04/2022 20:37

Well…. The last person I went on a first date with asked me to marry him after 9 days.
So he definitely deleted the apps and knew from the first date that he wanted a long term thing.
So it’s not always doom and gloom when they get serious !! Hope it works out for you

totallyoutnumbered · 25/04/2022 20:45

Like others have said, keep your wits about you. I met my DP after chatting loads for 2 weeks over lockdown. As soon as he got home he deleted his apps ( which he says he didn't even check for the 2 weeks we were messaging). I ended a chat I was having with someone really promising. I think we just knew . We're only a year in but this one's for keeps. Kissed a fair few frogs along the way so know I've got a good one x

Chica10 · 25/04/2022 20:47

Just go for it. Could be terrible could be wonderful. He’s not asking you to marry him, he just seems very keen on you and perhaps doesn’t want to waste time in getting to know you properly.

SoManyTshirts · 25/04/2022 20:52

If I met somebody I wanted to see again when I was OLD, I’d hide my profile. That way there’s less chance of being contacted by other eligible men and having to tell them I’m seeing someone, only for it all to fall through later.

if you delete the app you can normally download it again in seconds with your profile intact. This wouldn’t worry me at all. I would tell the person because I usually kept communication through app for a while.

Pinkbonbon · 25/04/2022 21:01

It would feel alarm bell like for me. I mean...it's sorta pressuring you to delete your app too isn't it.

He could have just deleted his ap and not said. Or said even that he tries to focus on one person at a time if the first date goes well...

This seems kinda love bomby though.

I'd give it another date and see though, if you like him. Just be on your guard. One more red flag (or maybe 2 more 'arguably a red flag') then call it a day.

AusFrosty · 25/04/2022 22:49

Interesting how the simple, trivial act of deleting an app (which can be added again in seconds) is seen as a red flag.

Just be careful, like you would in any new relationship, and see how things go

picklemewalnuts · 25/04/2022 22:53

Try saying no about something reasonably trivial. See if he ramps up the persuasion or gets huffy.

Not a lot- don't play games for the sake of it, but see if he can take no for an answer.