He’s deleted the apps after our first date…

[Pavesi]

Hi all,

I was talking to a guy for a few weeks on Bumble, we really hit it off and seemed to have a lot of alignment in terms of viewpoints, values etc - this was both ways not just him agreeing with me.

We met on Friday and the date went incredibly well, we were together for around 5 or 6 hours and conversation really flowed.

However he was quite intense saying things like he was excited for the first time in a long time (the feeling was mutual but I wasn’t going to volunteer that!) and that he’d be happy to delete the apps and just see where things go with dating me.

Saturday he text to say he’s deleted the apps and whilst it’s very flattering, it does feel like a lot of pressure and expectation.

Now I’m wondering if this is a man that’s openly keen and doesn’t want to mess around (we’re both nudging 40) or if this is a massive red flag. He’s also been single for 2-3 years if that makes a difference at all?

I am a good catch - good job, own home, no kids or difficult ex partners, look good for my age. However I’m not so amazing that a man would feel compelled to focus on just me so early on 😂At least that has never happened before to my knowledge!

Has anyone else experienced this? What do you think?

Not necessarily a red flag. It doesn’t matter how keen he is, you just steer your own course through it. Treat him like a new acquaintance which is really what he is and carry on on the apps yourself until you get to know him a lot better. Men will always try to move things fast in the hopes it gets them to the bedroom quicker.

It would put me off I think. I understand it’s possible to feel keen/excited after only one meeting but I don’t think it’s appropriate to say so to the other person, and I think him not only deleting the apps but telling you he has done this is a red flag as it comes across as pressure.
I always question though, if he is keen after having met you only once is it actually you he is keen on? Or just the idea of having someone. You don’t know each other at all at this point.
I agree with others saying see how it goes but keep on the lookout for any more lovebombing or OTT behaviours

I wouldn't run yet. He might just be happy he has met someone nice.

I know it could be love bombing but he just be an open book.

I'd just take it slow and have fun. Just let it go at it's own pace. If he starts trying to push things too fast then you will probably start seeibg red flags. But definitely give him a chance. He could be a winner.

Good luck! Update us haha!

Also to add, I don’t think you would be posting about it here if you were comfortable with it

Seeing* I wish I could edit my posts!

It' s often regarded as a red flag when they say they are deleting the app, but don 't, or do so temporarily, this encourages you to delete yours then they can still chat to whoever without your knowledge, as most apps will say if they are on, or have been on recently.
He could be straight up and have deleted it, obviously there are still some decent ones out there but always best to go on their actions rather than words in my experiance.

Dp deleted his before we met, I deleted mine in the car park after our first in person date (we had been talking for 3 weeks but logistics meant we couldn't meet until then). We knew

Men who do this put me off, because I am a person who needs time to get to know someone, and this would make me feel under pressure to see this person often and make a decision on whether or not I am attracted to them too soon.

However, there are both men and women who do feel attraction and connection on the first date, so yes, it could be genuine.

Imagine this happened in 1990. You met someone say in a bar where you went regularly and chatted and got on well. They asked you out on a date. Would they be likely to say "I'm not going out in bars looking for women now I've met you, I want to see where it goes." ?? No they wouldn't. So why say it about a dating app?

He is either going too fast or is genuinely wanting to see what mileage there is in this.

He could be simply very truthful about wanting to have a monogamous relationship, and not wanting to date multiple women at the same time. He's very interested in you and he wants to see where it goes.

Or... He's a love bombing whack-a-doo and you should be running for your life.

It's a tough call.

Some people are just super awkward. It’s also been a weird few years. I saw a sibling recently for the first time since Jan 2020. I’ve barely seen anyone in person in the last few years, between wfh and not living near friends and family and I felt a bit like an over excited puppy ‘omg, hello, hello, people, here with me!’ 😂.

I agree with peruse it for now and hopefully he calms down a bit. I’m hopeful I will haha.

Pursue, not peruse!

I stopped talking to other people when i started just talking to the one man.
It felt different and i wasnt interested in anyone else

First time we met, we ended up staying together for 3 days,
On the third day, ‘went official’
Deleted the App.
Moved in together after about 2 months

5 years later , engaged, still together

These posts always make me cringe a bit. Back in the day before dating apps even existed, if you met a man out in a pub, went on a date the decent and honourable thing would be that they didn't carry on looking for someone else when out with their mates. I don't see this as anything different. He met you, liked you and has deleted the apps while he sees how it goes. It takes minutes to download the apps again if the need arises. He hasn't tattooed your name across his forehead. Deleting apps can be undone very easily.
No red flags, just a man that is into you. Sit back, enjoy it and don't overthink it at this stage!

Maybe he hates online dating and is relieved to have connected with someone. Unlike many of the OLD weasels talked about on MN, he doesn;t see it as a rolling buffet of women but a chance to meet the right one and he wants to give it a go with you.

I'd be flattered. Yes, look out for love bombing but don't judge a man for taking you seriously!

Just take things slowly, and be aware of the 'love bombing' scenarios.

I also met my lovely 2nd husband online, and we both felt the 'instant connection' too. We both agreed almost immediately to cancel our online dating profiles and to see each other exclusively, and just see where things went.

It DOES happen. We were so 'on the same page' with 98% of things, and conversation flowed as if we'd known each other for years.

We both 'introduced' each other to our friends very quickly too (mostly because we were both doubting ourselves and wanted a 'second opinion' from our friends ! But all our friends agreed with us that we seemed so 'right for each other' too.)

We were married at 18mths (and I DID have baggage i.e 2 kids, one with disabilities and a Narc Mother), and we're still happy after 16years.

Just go in with your eyes wide open.

Good luck

I had 3 dates with a guy within a week, and on the third date, he said this. We've been together 6.5 years now, married for 4 and have 2 babies. Sometimes you just know!

I just don't get the attitude that has grown up around OLD. OP says she's 'not so amazing' that she believes a man would focus just on her early on.

Why do people have to have multiple dates on the go? Before OLD that was really frowned on. You date someone and if you meet someone you;d prefer to date, you break it off with the other person first. It seems normal and healthy to date one person at a time, to me. To give them your focus and attention. It's respectful, even if it doesn't work out. Apps can be reloaded in moments if it doesn't work out,

I personally don't like the whole online dating rule where you have to accept someone you like is probably dating / kissing / texting other women whilst deciding if you're the best of the bunch. So I'd feel less skeptical knowing he's only getting to know ME / saying nice things to ME etc. But I'd still not want anything intense or full on, just two people who know what they want and are seeing how it goes. Just keep an eye on it.

Agree this could go either way .....

Go with the flow.

I’ve never done OLD but if I did I wouldn’t be up for dating multiple people at the same time so if I were dating someone I would likely hide profile, delete app or whatever. I don’t think it’s necessarily a red flag.

This happened to me too. We had been chatting for a while before meeting (phone and WhatsApp) and then our first date went really well. He messaged me on the way home to tell me he had deleted the apps. I was a little surprised but then I was happy to not date anyone else and see how things went with him. I don't think you can really focus on one person when you are still looking for others. I'm not sure If I deleted the apps straight away but I didn't go looking and we have been together almost 3 years now so I guess when you know you want to focus all your attention on one person, you know!

I was glad to get off the apps to be honest though as I was getting very jaded and fed up!

@Pavesi by the way, if this works out we want you to come back here in a few months/years and let us know! We love a good news story 😁

Just what I said.