Hi all,
I was hoping I might be able to get a woman's perspective to help me work something out. For context, I am 32, and have been married about six months. I am (still - and we've been together 5 years) quite head over heels with my wife!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, about a week or so ago we were sitting on the couch on a very normal Tuesday night, when she got up to go to the loo. This next bit is not good behaviour - and I do realise this - but shortly after she'd left the room her phone (unlocked) pinged up with something like, 'Looooooool, don't tell [my name] that, anyway!' from a female friend my wife is close to
Clearly, it wasn't the right thing to do, but curiousity (and tbh a bit of worry) got the better of me, so I looked at the exchange. In short, a few nights ago, I'd told my wife she was the best sex I'd ever had - not for the first time, because she really is! She'd told her friend about this, and how sweet it was to say, but then something like (details are a bit blurry - was in a bit of a rush / shame spiral), 'But obvs I didn't tell him about [previous boyfriend]'s [slang for the obvious] which as we know was quiiiiite a bit bigger and better!'
Anyway, given what I was doing I didn't really wallow in the details and kind of just put the phone back where it was - I think her friend sent a load more texts so it wasn't obvious I'd been snooping. But since then I've gone down a bit of a rabbit hole, and am feeling pretty bummed out. In all honesty to the point where I'm avoiding any intimacy at all because I'm not sure how well I'd do just right now...
I think it's not so much the fact that someone else is better equipped (I'm pretty aware it's all pretty average in that department, and made my peace with that a while ago!), but the 'better' bit is really bothering me. She'd previously reciprocated on the 'best ever' stuff, but clearly not. And tbh even that would probably not be the end of the world - I realise the person you marry isn't always your best ever - it's more that she'd share something like that with a friend. It just felt a bit needless, and perhaps like we weren't quite the unit I thought we were
I'm clearly not going to do anything about it - and I realise that as hurtful as it feels, I haven't covered myself in glory in terms of how I found out, but I suppose I was wondering how common it was for people to feel that way? And is it normal to share that much with girlfriends? I don't really talk to anyone about some of what I talk to my wife about (I know that probably this is more common with blokes, and general lack of opening up)
Anyway, any advice or thoughts gratefully received!