Husband at 55 refuses to book & to go on a family holiday in summer

[Lana07]

Hello All,

Happy Easter!

My friend (and me) are both 42 and sometimes we like to read and discuss some nice wise people's replies to different life situations here on Mumsnet.

My husband is 55, her husband is 52. They've been married for 15 years.

My friend is frustrated with her husband's response and is booking her time for a family holiday abroad (not too far in Europe from the UK whatever offer she finds) with their 12-year-old daughter and her Mum (their daughter's nan) because her husband refuses to book/to go on family holidays this summer. When they went as a family before, they always enjoyed it as we did.

We usually go on a family holiday every year. Before the lockdowns, we could go 2-3 times a year in the UK and usually once abroad. This year we are going to Turkey or Greece or anywhere for a good reasonable price in July or August. We plan to book it by the end of April/May maximum. My husband is always keen to go as much as I do. We are always looking forward to it. We've been married for 17 years.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is it an age thing (my husband is 3 years older and he never refuses but I understand everyone is different) or what do you think?

Her husband's excuse is just: 'I just don't want to go. You go if you want.' So she will go with her Mum and her 12 daughter. Maybe one day we'll go on a girls' holiday with my friend and our children too. We've never been.

Thank you.

*Sorry, her husband is 52, not 55.

It doesn't make much difference anyway.🙂

Is it the going abroad aspect he’s unhappy about, rather than the holiday as such? Many people are still twitchy about travelling abroad. Can they have a family summer holiday in the UK instead?

You say he refuses to go in summer. Is it because he hates the heat? Would he go at Easter?

Maybe he's worried about his carbon footprint

I think he just spikes like a grumpy miserable twat to be honest.

My friend (like me) is fed up with 2 years of lockdowns and wants to go abroad.

Her husband is not showing much interest to go on UK holidays either. She finds it very strange, He's never refused before in the 16 years they've been together.

There are no signs he might be unfaithful or anything like it.

I really can’t understand what you’re asking. Your friend’s husband doesn’t want to go on holiday but your husband does. Are you planning on going on holiday together? Are you asking if men stop wanting to go on holiday once they get in their 50’s? I’m confused.

Can’t she ask him why he doesn’t want to go on holiday? That’s probably what I’d do.

Perhaps he just doesn’t like that type of holiday and now the pattern has been broken he’s decided he just doesn’t want to bother , he’s not trying to stop your friend going so I can’t really see the issue . It’s definitely not an age thing .

@Keepitonthedownlow
Maybe he's worried about his carbon footprint

He is trying to be Eco Friendly like most of us are or try to be but generally not so much to refuse to fly completely🙂.

I can see where he's coming from. I'm 57, in poor health and the actual act of travelling fills me with dread. Why should he do something if he doesn't really enjoy it.? He's not stopping anyone else.

Well has anyone asked him why?
Because I can think of lots of possible reasons, but without knowing his reasons we've got no idea whether he's reasonable or a contrary old arse and whether she should be arguing about it or just accepting it.

Yes, it is a confusing post.

As far as I am aware ageing doesn’t inherently decrease one’s desire to go on holidays.

She can go without him

Could your friend just book it? He might enjoy it when he gets there

My DH is in his 50s and isn't big on holidays. But it has nothing to do with his age! He just likes being comfortable at home.

I think you're focusing on the wrong issue. 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s... it really doesn't matter about his age and it'sa bit oddyou think so, imo!

Maybe after 2 years of lockdown he just wants to be on his own for a week or 2?
I've been happily married for 30 years but can honestly say that I'd be delighted to have the house to myself.

@Floralnomad
Perhaps he just doesn’t like that type of holiday and now the pattern has been broken he’s decided he just doesn’t want to bother, he’s not trying to stop your friend from going so I can’t really see the issue. It’s definitely not an age thing.

I agree. Being mainly hopefully happily married for me personally means to want to do some things together as having some time apart for healthy relations balance.

A family holiday is a great bonding time for our family. But I understand different people might like/prefer different things.

I crave heat, have family abroad, I blossom and relax more, uk weather not good enough here

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Maybe after 2 years of lockdown, he just wants to be on his own for a week or 2?
I've been happily married for 30 years but can honestly say that I'd be delighted to have the house to myself.

My friend works in a shop. In lockdowns, they were not in each other's face with her husband.

Maybe the last 2 years has made him rethink holidays and he's come to the conclusion that when it comes down to it he'd rather not go. He may have seemed like he enjoyed time away before but now realises that, actually, he didn't. Some people don't like being away from home, I'm one of them, I haven't had a holiday in 11 years, not bothered about them at all, luckily DP is the same.

@Nsky62
I crave heat, have family abroad, I blossom and relax more, UK weather not good enough here

I agree. I am the same. I like a bit of both - proper heat abroad and some British cooler summer.

Especially when we don't get enough natural vitamin D in the UK.

@Lana07 we've been happily married for over 30 yrs and rarely holiday together , not everyone is the same .

@Nsky62
I crave heat, have family abroad, I blossom and relax more, UK weather is not good enough here.

Very often lack of sun is the underlying reason for some people feeling depressed in the UK.