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Original poster

Husband at 55 refuses to book & to go on a family holiday in summer

57 replies

Lana07 · 23/04/2022 15:23

Hello All,

Happy Easter!

My friend (and me) are both 42 and sometimes we like to read and discuss some nice wise people's replies to different life situations here on Mumsnet.

My husband is 55, her husband is 52. They've been married for 15 years.

My friend is frustrated with her husband's response and is booking her time for a family holiday abroad (not too far in Europe from the UK whatever offer she finds) with their 12-year-old daughter and her Mum (their daughter's nan) because her husband refuses to book/to go on family holidays this summer. When they went as a family before, they always enjoyed it as we did.

We usually go on a family holiday every year. Before the lockdowns, we could go 2-3 times a year in the UK and usually once abroad. This year we are going to Turkey or Greece or anywhere for a good reasonable price in July or August. We plan to book it by the end of April/May maximum. My husband is always keen to go as much as I do. We are always looking forward to it. We've been married for 17 years.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Is it an age thing (my husband is 3 years older and he never refuses but I understand everyone is different) or what do you think?

Her husband's excuse is just: 'I just don't want to go. You go if you want.' So she will go with her Mum and her 12 daughter. Maybe one day we'll go on a girls' holiday with my friend and our children too. We've never been.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lana07 · 23/04/2022 16:04

@Floralnomad ·
@Lana07 we've been happily married for over 30 yrs and rarely holiday together , not everyone is the same .

Do you normally have holidays apart? Do you prefer different holidays?

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 23/04/2022 16:07

JustBloodyListen · 23/04/2022 15:39

Can’t she ask him why he doesn’t want to go on holiday? That’s probably what I’d do.

😄

DelphiniumBlue · 23/04/2022 16:07

Weird question, surely the only way to know why he doesn't want to go is to ask him. What would his age have to do with it? Or yours, either?

CurlyBurley · 23/04/2022 16:12

In your OP you say that your husband has been married to your friend's husband for 15 years... I'm confused.

Original poster
Lana07 · 23/04/2022 16:14

@TimBoothseyes
Maybe the last 2 years have made him rethink holidays and he's come to the conclusion that when it comes down to it he'd rather not go. He may have seemed like he enjoyed time away before but now realizes that, actually, he didn't. Some people don't like being away from home, I'm one of them, I haven't had a holiday in 11 years, not bothered about them at all, luckily DP is the same.

My friend and I when we were dating were looking for husbands who like/love holidays like us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lana07 · 23/04/2022 16:16

@DelphiniumBlue
Weird question, surely the only way to know why he doesn't want to go is to ask him. What would his age have to do with it? Or yours, either?

She has asked him. There is no clear reason or explanation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lana07 · 23/04/2022 16:20

@CurlyBurley
In your OP you say that your husband has been married to your friend's husband for 15 years... I'm confused.

Sorry, the way I wrote it down, I made a mistake 😀. I am 42. My husband is 55. Our son is 15.

My friend is 42. Her husband is 52. Their daughter is 12.

OP posts:
TimBoothseyes · 23/04/2022 16:22

Lana07 · 23/04/2022 16:14

@TimBoothseyes
Maybe the last 2 years have made him rethink holidays and he's come to the conclusion that when it comes down to it he'd rather not go. He may have seemed like he enjoyed time away before but now realizes that, actually, he didn't. Some people don't like being away from home, I'm one of them, I haven't had a holiday in 11 years, not bothered about them at all, luckily DP is the same.

My friend and I when we were dating were looking for husbands who like/love holidays like us.

Maybe he did at the time but people change.

LazyJayne · 23/04/2022 16:31

CurlyBurley · 23/04/2022 16:12

In your OP you say that your husband has been married to your friend's husband for 15 years... I'm confused.

These are sex people, Lynn

ICannotRememberAThing · 23/04/2022 16:33

I can think of a few reasons why he might not want to go...

Doesn't want to pay school holiday prices
Doesn't want to go anywhere hot
Can't be bothered with the faff - travelling, packing etc.
Doesn't want to go away with his MIL
Doesn't want to do (be dragged round on?) day trips etc. that would interest you, his DD and MIL.

Is she suggesting a holiday that appeals to him as well as the three of them?

WallaceinAnderland · 23/04/2022 16:34

This happened to a friend of mine. She went away without him, taking her kids and mum. He was cheating on her. They separated when she eventually found out about it.

ICannotRememberAThing · 23/04/2022 16:34

My friend and I when we were dating were looking for husbands who like/love holidays like us.

Did those holidays include his MIL?

Crikeyalmighty · 23/04/2022 16:46

Perhaps he actually fancies a week on his own at home and some space for whatever reason!

Peakypolly · 23/04/2022 16:53

I wouldn't want to go abroad with my MIL either. Nothing to do with age, I would just rather be with DC and my partner.

Topseyt123 · 23/04/2022 16:58

Well, she can just book to go away with their child and with her mother, with his blessing it seems.

If she books a double or twin room for herself and other rooms for her mother and her child then there is space for him to tag along if he changes his mind nearer the time (if he can still get a flight).

I'd just book it.

RedMake88 · 23/04/2022 16:59

Confused as to what you’re comparing tbh

Topseyt123 · 23/04/2022 17:03

Would he go if his MIL wasn't going? Maybe that is the dynamic he isn't keen on. Maybe he feels that a family holiday should be him with his wife, child and nobody else.

I rarely went away with my in-laws. Just occasionally as they owned the apartment in the Mediterranean which we sometimes borrowed. It wasn't always the dynamic though.

Swayingpalmtrees · 23/04/2022 17:22

It is likely he simply does not want to go on a 'family' holiday and would be happy with just them?

I could never convince my dh to go on holiday with family, and maybe the 2 year break from family relations has shown him he doesn't enjoy them, and he is reluctant to do it again. He might find it annoying/tiring/expensive/socially draining.

Just book a girls holiday only, and do something separately with your dh another time.

Terfydactyl · 23/04/2022 17:23

I think if my DP said we had to go on holiday with his mother, I'd say no. But to be kind I wouldnt say the real reason. I would come out with something vague.
Couldn't say for eco reasons cos then I'm scuppered next time when I'm asked to go but his mum isnt coming.
Cant say christ a week with your mum would just depress me.

FWIW I'm over 50 but still love holidays.

BrokenCopper · 23/04/2022 17:24

I would prefer go on family holiday without other families, that might be one if the reason?

I would be annoyed too but it won't be fair on him if he pressured to go on holiday that he doesn't want.

NumberTheory · 23/04/2022 17:26

If he can’t give a clear answer about why he doesn’t want to go, depression isn’t a possibility, but it may also be because the reason is something his wife won’t want to hear -

  • He doesn’t really love her anymore
  • She annoys him when they travel
  • He doesn’t like her mum
  • He doesn’t like their DD much
  • He only ever went in the past to please her and now he’s getting older he’s just not as prepared to be a people pleaser anymore
  • Something else…
But there’s no way for people on MN to do anything other than speculate.
NumberTheory · 23/04/2022 17:27

depression is* a possibility

ChillyFloss · 23/04/2022 17:43

Perhaps he's concerned about catching Covid en route, or down route, and being unwell while abroad. Perhaps he's seen the news reports about how chaotic airports are ATM. Perhaps he's worried about the cost of living crisis, and has seen how much more expensive it is to go on holiday now. A lot has changed over the last couple of years.

Badlifeday · 23/04/2022 17:45

Does his mil go on every "family" holiday with them?

Whippet · 23/04/2022 17:50

I think people are reevaluating holidays. DH & I are 58/56. We have young adult sons who will still come with us for a week away if we pay.

DH is positively obsessed with 'getting away', getting some sun, having a break etc etc.
I'm a bit 'meh' and will go if he organises it, but really not bothered.
Why? For me:


  • house/hotel is usually less comfortable than our home and I will pay ££££ to get crap sleep with fewer facilities

  • I'm very fair and just flake out in the heat - spend all the time avoiding/ in shade or get burnt.

  • If self--catered there's all the faff of getting food, planning meals etc which largely falls on me

  • if hotel, then I find the food too limited/ too rich etc

  • DH and our sons share lots of interests and I usually feel left out

  • ideally I'd like to go with another family which complements ours and gives me some other women/girls to talk to!

  • DH is a 'can't sit still' type and I'm not really interested in getting up at the crack of dawn to go to see some tourist attraction

  • we usually end up with at least one major family argument each holiday and everyone says 'never again' but then forgets that by the following year!