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Original poster

Boyfriend’s ex is stunning

55 replies

peachytum · 19/04/2022 11:43

Hi all

My boyfriends ex was a really nasty girl. Very very abusive. Some of the stories he tells me about her baffles me. I’ve seen her social media and she doesn’t seem particularly pleasant.

However, she’s absolutely stunning. She wears a lot of make up but does it very well. Eyelash extensions, hair extensions, full face of make up, the lot. I know it doesn’t make up for her awful personality but she’s one of these girls who gets loads of likes, takes these videos of her and she looks incredible. Short dresses, gets lots of attention.

I’m very natural, never got much attention. I have awful thin eyebrows that I have to draw in, short thin gappy hair, really bad at doing make up. I just feel so bloody ugly compared to her and I keep looking at her social media. I know I should block her.

Boyfriend tells me she’s horrible and fake but part of me tells me he must have liked it before and if that’s his type then I have no chance. Honestly I’m so so envious of how pretty she is.

How can I get past this??

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 19/04/2022 11:49

Block her for a start -like right now
Do not follow anyone like her or better still come of social media for a bit it’s not healthy for you
If this insecurity does not go away naturally seek help
there is a lot of positive help and positive role models to follow that will help you feel better about yourself
Don’t bore your boyfriend with your insecurities it’s v un sexy be cool and ride this out and you will feel better soon

DropYourSword · 19/04/2022 11:54

She's his ex for a reason.

thestraitofillinois · 19/04/2022 12:08

Just remember that it really is just a quirk of fate that her parents had the genetic makeup which happened to create a face that is pleasing to your eye.
This is assuming you find her pretty without her makeup?
There is nothing to be envious of. He's with you, not with her.

Eesha · 19/04/2022 12:08

I echo pp in that they are an ex for a reason. My ex is very handsome and I can imagine boyfriends would feel jealous but he was abusive to me and I'd never go back. His ex is also very attractive in the sense perfect body, hair extensions. I'm a size 16 now, rarely wear makeup etc. It made me feel insecure too. Try yo ride it out and only share insecurities with close friends, not him

LightSnowLight · 19/04/2022 12:08

Hi OP.

I think the core of this issue is your lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and insecurity? Comparing oneself negatively with exes, I believe, is ultimately about that.

Do you feel loveable as a person? A person of some worth and value? Is there some way you can connect with what that is more about? It might take some time. PS. Is it just a looks issue?

90sgirlxx · 19/04/2022 12:13

If he was in an abusive relationship and now has a kind hearted beautiful soul in his life trust me he's happy. She wasn't better looking than you. She was faker than you. Remember that makeup isn't real. It wipes off. Her mask to the outside world is all it is. It's what's inside. If he's choosing you and not having sneaky contact with her then try to continue being the wonderful caring woman who's brought him happiness after misery x

Orgasmagorical · 19/04/2022 12:19

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Beware the man with a psycho ex.

Chica10 · 19/04/2022 12:23

I dated an extraordinarily handsome man once. I total head turner. After a short while my perception of his physical attractiveness changed when I started to get to know him more. I soon learned he was a very unpleasant person - unkind, critical, vain just a mean man. When this realisation hit me, when I saw him next, I couldn’t bare to look at him. He became totally ugly physically. Couldn’t get away from him fast enough.

Beauty is a subjective and based on many interchangeable factors.

ExtraOnion · 19/04/2022 12:23

You don’t know her, and you only have your partners word for how “awful” she was / is

Thing is, why are you even looking at her Social Media ? You sound good obsessed. She has no part to play in your relationship, move along.

SummerOfComedy · 19/04/2022 12:33

I don't think couples stay together because of their good looks.

Eventually, looks fade and all you have left is your personality.

The nicest people I have known are not the good looking ones, but the ones who've shown kindness and empathy. It's qualities like these that people remember more rather than their appearance.

My first husband was a handsome man, but a terrible husband and father. It is the latter that I remember him for. My second husband is the complete opposite.

Beauty is only skin deep.

gannett · 19/04/2022 12:39

Boyfriend tells me she’s horrible and fake but part of me tells me he must have liked it before and if that’s his type then I have no chance.

Firstly people can have many types. Just because you're attracted to one person doesn't mean you can't be attracted to a physically different person. You're not competing with her.

Secondly it sounds like he's learned a lesson that many of us have learned: the drop-dead gorgeous guy or girl who makes our jaw drop can turn out to be very ugly on the inside - and that their good looks are ultimately not what matters.

Inthesameboatatmo · 19/04/2022 12:44

@Orgasmagorical

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Beware the man with a psycho ex.

This in spades^^. My ex tells everyone I'm a nutcase. I'm not . It's very common op and you only have his word which is more than likely worthless.

Calandor · 19/04/2022 12:45

I'm someone who doesn't have a 'type' so he's probably the same. Just because he liked her doesn't mean he doesn't think you're beautiful too.

Crackalackindoodah · 19/04/2022 12:49

He's with and loves you. Not her. Please stop with the unhealthy comparisons. There's a reason she's his ex.

BusterGonad · 19/04/2022 12:49

@Orgasmagorical

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Beware the man with a psycho ex.

I agree with both of these sentences.
Irridescantshimmmer · 19/04/2022 12:50

No amount of make up can hide an ugly heart.

Sisteragatha · 19/04/2022 12:54

I had a really beautiful ex boyfriend. He was gorgeous, like an Adonis.

But completely and utterly boring. Oh so boring. It was such a strain to try and find interesting things to say, I have never known anyone so dull. I dumped him. It’s not all about looks OP.

PoseyFlump · 19/04/2022 13:10

It's a good thing he doesn't want a clone of his ex.

My ex asked her DD years ago who was prettiest out of me and her. In my opinion she is but her DD picked me. Never ask a child a question you won't like the answer to!

You do need to stop comparing, it's not healthy.

TheVolturi · 19/04/2022 13:21

Well, she's not beautiful is she? If she's a twat. Beauty is only skin deep.

oldwhyno · 19/04/2022 13:29

If she often wears a LOT of makeup, eyelash extensions, hair extensions, full face of make up, etc then she's not actually beautiful at all.

1forAll74 · 19/04/2022 13:34

Beauty is only skin deep as the saying goes, but you could be a nightmare underneath it all.. If this girl is always showing herself off on social media, that is a bit crappy to start with. Don't bother looking at the caked in makeup woman.

KALGXO · 19/04/2022 13:41

@Orgasmagorical

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Beware the man with a psycho ex.

This. Im sure i have been called many things by exes. Men and women should not sit and go on and on about what'nutcases' their exes are. Its not healthy. Don't compare yourself - social media is never what it seems anyway! Smile
cadentiasidera · 19/04/2022 13:41

This reminded me of the lovely words from Roald Dahl:
If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Roald Dahl, The Twits

Fireflygal · 19/04/2022 13:45

Some of the stories he tells me about her baffles me

If you are hearing stories that don't make sense - trust your instinct. Could this be a smear campaign. Ex told friends stories that they said "didn't make sense" and there was a reason...they were not true.

Definitely block her on SM though. No good will come from looking. How did you meet him?

Pinkbonbon · 19/04/2022 13:46

Tbf anyone can look good if they put in enough effort. Or use photoshop lol.

But defo beware the man with the crazy ex.
Know the signs of abuse. Like narcissistic triangulation - which can include, name dropping an ex constantly (even in a negative way) to make you feel like they must still like them. And that they aren't fully happy with you. Triggering you to compare yourself with their ex like you're doing now. And feel insecure.

Not that nasty women don't exist of course. I'm sure we've all met our share.

But be on your guard as lots of abusers use narcissistic triangulation.