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Original poster

Boyfriend’s ex is stunning

55 replies

peachytum · 19/04/2022 11:43

Hi all

My boyfriends ex was a really nasty girl. Very very abusive. Some of the stories he tells me about her baffles me. I’ve seen her social media and she doesn’t seem particularly pleasant.

However, she’s absolutely stunning. She wears a lot of make up but does it very well. Eyelash extensions, hair extensions, full face of make up, the lot. I know it doesn’t make up for her awful personality but she’s one of these girls who gets loads of likes, takes these videos of her and she looks incredible. Short dresses, gets lots of attention.

I’m very natural, never got much attention. I have awful thin eyebrows that I have to draw in, short thin gappy hair, really bad at doing make up. I just feel so bloody ugly compared to her and I keep looking at her social media. I know I should block her.

Boyfriend tells me she’s horrible and fake but part of me tells me he must have liked it before and if that’s his type then I have no chance. Honestly I’m so so envious of how pretty she is.

How can I get past this??

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 19/04/2022 14:11

I’m always a bit dubious about men who say how ‘psycho’ their exes are.

Georgeskitchen · 19/04/2022 14:15

Have you met her in person? Are her SM pictures heavily edited?
Has anyone else said she is a psycho except your ex?
I remember meeting some friends of my narcissistic ex ( when we were still together) and one of them said " we were a bit concerned about meeting you and we were surprised at how nice you are"

WTF?

stripeyflowers · 19/04/2022 14:17

She’s absolutely stunning.

She wears a lot of make up but does it very well. Eyelash extensions, hair extensions, full face of make up, the lot

Surely if she was stunning she wouldn't need to bother with all this faff and expense? Believe in yourself, OP. You are his GF. She is his ex.

chisanunian · 19/04/2022 14:18

Don't judge a book by its cover.

Suprima · 19/04/2022 14:21

@peachytum

Hi all

My boyfriends ex was a really nasty girl. Very very abusive. Some of the stories he tells me about her baffles me. I’ve seen her social media and she doesn’t seem particularly pleasant.

However, she’s absolutely stunning. She wears a lot of make up but does it very well. Eyelash extensions, hair extensions, full face of make up, the lot. I know it doesn’t make up for her awful personality but she’s one of these girls who gets loads of likes, takes these videos of her and she looks incredible. Short dresses, gets lots of attention.

I’m very natural, never got much attention. I have awful thin eyebrows that I have to draw in, short thin gappy hair, really bad at doing make up. I just feel so bloody ugly compared to her and I keep looking at her social media. I know I should block her.

Boyfriend tells me she’s horrible and fake but part of me tells me he must have liked it before and if that’s his type then I have no chance. Honestly I’m so so envious of how pretty she is.

How can I get past this??

Beware the man who shit talks his ex. This is red flag 101 and this should be your real concern rather than sexy psycho ex girlfriend.

I’d also be wary of a bloke who ‘swapped types’ so much, if you really are as plain as you believe- for him to just be bombarding with lots of nasty stories about his ex and using her as a form of triangulation for you.

Your lack of self confidence might be a hugely attractive quality for him if he feels scorned by his Instagram model ex.

Faez · 19/04/2022 14:26

Often people who wear lots of makeup look great in photos and ridiculous in person

Swayingpalmtrees · 19/04/2022 14:31

Why do you even care what she looks like? My dh is with me because I am exciting and intelligent and full of life, he is not with me because of my beauty. Why are you measuring her beauty when most relationships will not survive unless there is a much deeper connection, feeling and commitment.

It does not matter how beautiful she is, if you are secure in yourself. So what do you need to work on to feel entirely confident in yourself op? What would that look like for you?

You should feel very secure in your relationship with your bf, and if you don't have you considered why not?

ChickNorris · 19/04/2022 14:32

She's stunning but she still lost her boyfriend, didn't she.
There's not a lot to be jealous of beyond the surface level by the sounds of it. Likes only go so far.

It's time to put these ideas about what's valuable to rest. And for the love of god, for the sake of your own mental health, block her.
The above will be much easier to do and no doubt you'll soon feel better.

AgnesNaismith · 19/04/2022 14:37

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Beware the man with a psycho ex.

This. Exactly. How quick people are to call a beautiful woman a psycho and jump on the bandwagon is disgusting. The replies you’ve had are on the whole pretty disgraceful too, whatever happened to women supporting women. If DH called his ex a psycho I’d judge him, not her.

Gowithme · 19/04/2022 14:47

@cadentiasidera

This reminded me of the lovely words from Roald Dahl: If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Roald Dahl, The Twits

I love this. Such a great author.
ihavealife1 · 19/04/2022 15:36

Why do men always call their Ex "crazy"? In my experience, a lot of men treat woman badly, and then don't like the reaction they get, thus branding them crazy. Suits the narrative far better.

traintraveller · 19/04/2022 15:38

Why does he tell you so much about her? I'd be very wary of the psycho ex story as well.
She may not be very nice but neither is starting a thread slagging her off because she wears a lot of make up.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/04/2022 15:40

Research microblading. Then have it. Highly recommended if it is done well.

Then, think hard about the relationship and if he is being honest. Work on your own self esteem and forget about the ex.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/04/2022 15:41

@traintraveller

Why does he tell you so much about her? I'd be very wary of the psycho ex story as well. She may not be very nice but neither is starting a thread slagging her off because she wears a lot of make up.
The OP wasn't "slagging her off because she wears a lot of make up". She was commenting on how "stunning" she was. It is the OP's boyfriend who is doing the slagging off. I think you need to read between the lines.
BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 19/04/2022 15:59

My ex was stunning and he turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I feel sorry that he is good looking because I know he'll attract some poor soul. I can't bear looking at photos of him now. All I see is his ugly personality.

Watchkeys · 19/04/2022 16:16

The more amazing you see her to be, the more amazing you make yourself, because he prefers you to her.

That's even if you're using the unhealthy rhetoric of letting someone else's view of you guide your elf esteem.

FluffyFluffMonster · 19/04/2022 17:25

Oh man I'm also the crazy, abusive ex!! I wear makeup, (although not every day) people say I have hair extensions but my hair is long and thick and it's real!

Stop comparing your self and stalking her socials! That's not healthy! Block on everything. And also don't put women down for choosing to wear makeup, fake eyelashes!

Macanncheese · 19/04/2022 17:52

@BlindGirlMcSqueaky

My ex was stunning and he turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I feel sorry that he is good looking because I know he'll attract some poor soul. I can't bear looking at photos of him now. All I see is his ugly personality.
Exactly this! My ex was gorgeous but he is possibly the ugliest person I've ever met!
samyeagar · 19/04/2022 18:21

This was a difficult line to walk when I got back into dating after my first wife and I divorced. She is absolutely stunning natural flawless beauty, but she is also diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.

When my current wife and I started dating, I opted to talk as little as possible about my ex-wife, and that came with its own set of problems. The very first time they met, my now wife felt completely blindsided, and that I had been deceptive and not properly warned her about both my exes good looks, and as time went on, also her NPD nastiness.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/04/2022 18:29

@samyeagar

This was a difficult line to walk when I got back into dating after my first wife and I divorced. She is absolutely stunning natural flawless beauty, but she is also diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.

When my current wife and I started dating, I opted to talk as little as possible about my ex-wife, and that came with its own set of problems. The very first time they met, my now wife felt completely blindsided, and that I had been deceptive and not properly warned her about both my exes good looks, and as time went on, also her NPD nastiness.

Are you Les Dennis?!
Usou · 19/04/2022 18:36

Natural kicks the arse off loads of make up etc.

Blokes don't even notice eyebrows unless they are those ridiculous slug like things.

AllOfUsAreDead · 19/04/2022 18:41

Might not look that pretty without the make up though. Some people use it to cover up the flaws they think they have and would rather not have.

Either way, he left her for a reason. Stop comparing yourself. You'll just obsess and he'll get fed up of it.

brun · 19/04/2022 18:49

I’d also be wary of a bloke who ‘swapped types’ so much, if you really are as plain as you believe

I do agree with this. Many of us don't have a "type" but in my experience, if a man is attracted to the overdone look, then that's definitely his thing

brun · 19/04/2022 18:50

I know two people who were married to each other. I know both well. She says she was coercively controlled, he described her as abusive. The truth is they are both narcissistic and abusive.

Carrotmum · 19/04/2022 18:51

When I met my now DH ( years ago) after a while it came up in conversation that his previous girlfriend was an actual beauty queen. I’ve seen her pictures, I googled her, she was really gorgeous. My DH didn’t bad mouth her he said she was really nice but their relationship just didn’t work out as they wanted different things. I’m very average height and looks but he’s with me not her so I don’t give her a second thought.