I've left a massive c**nt after 3 years. Would love a handhold from some strong women

[sundaymondayhappydayss]

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I've posted many many times over the last three years (different user names) asking for advice about my abusive dick head ex. I guess I just need someone impartial to keep my head straight about continuing forward without looking back. He put me through hell and back, I feel humiliated since I gave him so many chances, some quite recent. But I've seen the light, I've had enough. A few pointers:

This man -

Sexually abused me and was charged with sexual assault and coercion. He would be in prison had i not withdrew my statement.

I've repeatedly returned home from holidays to find unknown underwear in my laundry basket

He's ripped my clothes clean off me

I left with my children to go to a refuge and he persuaded me to go home. He didn't change.

More recently he's injured me - pushed me 'as a joke' into the bath where I hit my back very hard on the bath rail and was left sore and bruised for nearly 2 week. Pulled a small chunk of my hair out 'as a joke' and asked me what was up with me when I cried. I cried because I'd given him another chance shortly prior to this.

I think I've been conditioned to a point. I'm not sure yet. The last 6 weeks I've found myself (after ending it and saying we would stay friends) saying I think we should make another go. He agreed, but then I seen a dating app on his phone. I completely lost it and sent a message telling him to go F himself. He then shows up at my house (like he does every single time I have ended with him, must be like 20+ times) and somehow it's ME that ended up apologising. He made me feel bad for being flaky and ending our relationship on a whim all the time.

I don't want sympathy, I just need someone to help me through this one last time and help me not get sucked in by his bullshit nonsense. If he ever does get in touch. I start the freedom programme in a couple of weeks which I'm scared of. I am severely damaged in my view of men, I have no trust at all and I'm worried it will make me even more wary. I just want to be happy one day. Not yet, but one day.

I'm ok, I'm feeling strong but this man has a way of getting inside my head and I really don't want to turn back again, im getting stronger but I've spent 3 years in a complete fuck up of a relationship.

I guess I need a handhold if anyone is willing.

Go for it OP, stay strong, you know what you need to do.

Freedom Programme is great.

Write down all the evil stuff he's done over the years, so you can look at it when you feel weak and remind yourself what he's really like. x

Thankyou. I do have a list. It sometimes just feels like I cant come to terms with how poorly I've been treated.

Lock your door and don't answer it (change your locks if he has a key). Message him that if he contacts you again in any way you will report him to the police for harassment. Then screenshot those messages for your records (and any with abuse from him) then block him on everything.

If he shows up at your house, call the police on him.

You've taken the first steps, good on you. Time to end this bullshit once and for all.

Well done my lovely. Welcome to day 1 of your new life. Please follow this advice "Be kind to yourself" and you won't go far wrong. This man will kill you eventually. He has no love or respect for you at all. Now's the time to look forward to the days ahead where no-one will fuck with your head, betray you or do you harm. You can do this.

Well done for getting where you are now op
It is hard leaving an abuser.
Many of us on here have been there so we understand.
Please don’t go back to him and be aware of manipulation techniques they use.
Get some help and advice from Women’s Aid.

You deserve so much better than this bastard. So do your children. You can be strong. You can stay strong. You can create a new, safer, happier, life. Away from him.

Awful awful man, you have got away, give yourself a massive or on the back.

You don't need that abusive in your life, being single will be 100 times better than having someone treat you like that.

Stay strong you can do this! He is not a nice person, anyone that hurts a woman is not a nice person and he has done it more than once.

Don't let his excuses, begging, twisting manipulation get in your head, move on.

@Squeezyhug I've contacted woman's aid many times, they were the ones to help me to refuge that time. I'm not sure they could help me now.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply with encouraging words.

What gets me is that he's just going to saunter off into his new life with god knows who and leave me in his path, hurt, damaged and having to spend 12 weeks on a programme that will help me come to terms with how he broke me down. Seems so unjust!

You've done so well to realise the abuse you've been suffering - many people don't even get that far. You need to keep reading your post to remind yourself what you are getting away from, but take each day at a time and put YOUR needs first. It will be hard, but you will get lots of support on here. I've been where you are and you will find that you are stronger than you believe.

Why use such vile language in your headline post OP? Other people are sensitive you know and don’t appreciate this kind of language being spat at them. Even if they really want to help. So crude and unnecessary. Have some sensitivity about others’ feelings.

So sick of the C* word all over MN.

@LostLama I've 'starred' the word out? I'm sorry, I couldn't find a more suitable word for the man that has abused me horrifically for 3 years.

LostLama - if the best you can offer to an abused woman seeking a handhold is to scold her over her language, then I suggest you give your bloody head a wobble.

sundaymondayhappydayss

Ignore the drama llama. He is a cunt. No need for asterisks.

What's the classic MN line?
Off you fuck, cunty chops

(You need to use this for your ex )

I know you probably don't think so, but you are incredibly brave.

It will take a while to come to terms with what you've been through, be patient with yourself.

Well done for getting this far you’ve done the hardest thing handhold get as much help as you can be kind to yourself hugs.

I live alone and always have done. Things I really enjoy that might help, something to look forward to?
Cooking what the fuck you want. Or not cooking and having cereal for tea
The bathroom is always clean, no random hairs in the sink or splashes on the floor
Nobody has ever eaten that last piece of cake/chocolate you were saving
Watch what I like on TV or dance in the kitchen to whatever music I like
Long baths
Decorating exactly how you want it
Starfish in the bed with nice clean bedding you chose

I can think of more!

Yeah he a cunt alright ... no asterisks needed !!

Be kind to yourself op

I left my cunt of a husband.
He refused to leave the house and it took me 2 years to get him out.
He left the house in a state and sauntered off with the money I bought him out with but boy it was worth it !!

I have found that thinking back to what happened and the injustice of it only stops me from moving forward.
What happened happened and it’s now onwards and upwards.

I hope you can do the same op.

He sound's vile. What a horrid speciman. You will get through this op be brave. Imagine living free of being hit and worried every time he loses his shit.

Well done for ridding yourself of this world class CUNT.

How are you today SundayMondayHappyDayss?

Can you do something nice and healing for yourself today? A bubble bath? Or reading a magazine in peace?

We are still holding your hand

You will be happy again. You won't be though if you go back to this hideous man who pulls out chunks of your hair. I mean if you had any idea what he was like before you got involved with him then you wouldn't have gone out with him, would you? Just feel sorry for the next woman who gets involved with him - it's not likely to go well for her, is it? Be grateful it is 3 years and not 13 years.

You're a stronger woman than you realise and you will come out of the other side even stronger.

You can do this!

You did great leaving this piece of shit! You should be proud you got yourself and your children out of this situation.

@MrOllivander

I live alone and always have done. Things I really enjoy that might help, something to look forward to? Cooking what the fuck you want. Or not cooking and having cereal for tea The bathroom is always clean, no random hairs in the sink or splashes on the floor Nobody has ever eaten that last piece of cake/chocolate you were saving Watch what I like on TV or dance in the kitchen to whatever music I like Long baths Decorating exactly how you want it Starfish in the bed with nice clean bedding you chose

I can think of more!

Me too, couldn’t live with a man again I’m 55 and past all that caper.

OP here’s a massive hug from me and a pat on the back. Keep reminding yourself why you’re doing this he sounds horrendous. Yes it’s hard at first you’ll miss him like mad but it’s more habit than anything, he’s making you miserable and brings nothing good to your life. One day you’ll hate him and you’ll think to yourself “what was I thinking” I promise you. 💐
Please stay strong and don’t go back you’re worth more than that.