Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Hubby personal hygiene concerns

54 replies

RacLou82 · 17/04/2022 23:07

So I have noticed more and more recently my husband has stopped taking care of himself like he used to. I haven't noticed any body odour, and he does shower and changes underwear every day. But I see him put the same t-shirt and jeans on for several days at a time, sometimes puts the same socks back on straight after his shower so he gets 2 days wear from them. It hasn't concerned me too much when it's a busy week night with our kids, work etc. However we just came back from a romantic long weekend away in a hotel for our anniversary and he wore the same clothes for 3 days, and into our evenings out too. I'm ashamed to say it really put me off as we have always been very keen on cleanliness, am I being shallow for feeling this way? I had my hair done, spray tan, nails, new lingerie and wore a nice dresses for our evening meals. It does bother me that he is not putting some kind of effort in when he have date nights like these. He has stopped getting his hair cut, or wearing a smart shirt, aftershave etc. Am I expecting too much? If not, should I broach the subject with him, or just let it go and accept this is the way he is now? We have been together almost 17 years, this behaviour is unusual for him and only became obvious to me about a year ago.

OP posts:

RosiePosieDozy · 17/04/2022 23:11

That's very strange. To suddenly become like this. Has he suddenly become very interested in environmental impact? Or could he be depressed?

I feel for you. Getting dressed up with the spray tan etc and your husband not making an effort at all is hurtful.

Geppili · 17/04/2022 23:35

Is he depressed? Did Lockdown require him to work from home?

ThisisMax · 17/04/2022 23:35

Sounds depressed to me? Just burnt out by covid etc?

JustKittenAround · 18/04/2022 03:15

Sounds depressed and I am not one to jump to that as an answer.

namechangeranonymouse · 18/04/2022 03:23

His hygiene seems fine. Showers and changes underwear daily. Ok so he wears the same clothes for a few days,but no body odour.

In itself not a big deal, even letting his hair grow. Maybe he likes it longer?I'm sure most people wouldn't mind this however if his mood seems low or he is distracted maybe ask him how he's feeling? I agree I would be disappointed to have a nice weekend away and he makes no effort. Maybe is is just comfortable in his relationship and just wants to relax more? Basically ask him, he's not a mind reader

welovetea · 18/04/2022 03:28

Speaking from experience, sounds like he could be depressed. I'd broach it in a sensitive way as some people can jump on the defensive if something like this is brought up - especially with something like depression as well x

Billylilly · 18/04/2022 03:30

You’ve been together for 17 years. People are going to change in that timeframe. Perhaps he just doesn’t care so much about how he looks (long hair, new clothes). His hygiene seems fine if he’s showering everyday and changing his underwear. Why not just chat to him and ask?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 18/04/2022 08:45

Did you say anything to him about it while you were away?

I think a lot of people during lockdown got into a habit of wearing "house clothes" all the time and just haven't picked up the habit again of dressing more smartly.

JustaMirage · 18/04/2022 11:04

It doesn’t sound like depression if he is clean and showering.

I agree it might be a lockdown thing where we have all got a bit casual about our clothes. I find myself wearing things for an extra day where I never used to.

Does he change his clothes for work?

I do think he could have made an effort when you went away.

You could say something like, you wore that t-shirt all day, why don’t you change it for this evening?

Hausa · 18/04/2022 11:07

If something your partner is doing bothers you, then talk to them. I am always baffled by this inability to have a straightforward conversation that appears to plague so many people.

Shinyandnew1 · 18/04/2022 11:09

So presumably he’s come back from a three day trip and there is no washing to do as he’s worn the same clothes since you left?

I’d use that as a conversation starting point. DH, did you realise that…

Original poster

RacLou82 · 18/04/2022 11:18

@Billylilly
Yes you're right we've been together a long time. However we have had a few issues causing us to consider separation, we lived together but apart for several months. But we decided to give it another go late February so it's like dating each other again really. Even before the separation I still found it important to make a special effort with my appearance on date nights. It's more his overall appearance, not separating daytime jumpers from smart evening wear. His hair looks unruly and oily, he no longer brushes or styles the sticking up parts around the sides of his thinning part. It's not an easy subject to bring up with him as it's sensitive and I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him think his hair loss bothers me. It doesn't but he always kept the rest of the hair neat.

OP posts:

Jewel1968 · 18/04/2022 11:20

Unlikely depression if showering. What does it bother you if he is clean. Highly possible that lockdown has made him realise that we waste a lot of money, energy and time constantly washing stuff that doesn't need washing. He may have become more environmentally aware?

Just ask. I would frame it as your curious if he is doing for the environment which puts a positive slant on conversation.

Loopytiles · 18/04/2022 11:20

Would talk to him about it. Could be lax self care, or it could be that he doesn’t properly want to try again.

V unattractive behaviour!

ThisisMax · 18/04/2022 11:23

Ummm, having read your last post above its clear you place greater value on 'presentableness' and 'neatness'. It sounds like he has lost interest in the relationship and in himself. I still say low level depression.
What age are you both? Are you sexually active? Would you say you are both fulfilled by the relationship? Why did you decide to split and more importantly why did you decide to give it another go?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 11:25

You're coming across as quite superficial OP.

Loopytiles · 18/04/2022 11:32

It’s not superficial to want a partner to change their clothes daily!

namechangeranonymouse · 18/04/2022 11:32

My guess is he really isn't interested in the relationship any more. After 17 years most people accept they have lost a lot of their youthful sexiness and just are happy being comfortable.

You don't seem particulary compatible and have different views on what is considered presentable.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 11:37

@Loopytiles

It’s not superficial to want a partner to change their clothes daily!

Underwear and socks yes, but wearing a pair of trousers for 3 days isn't revolting unless you're gardening or mucking out horses or whatever.

Hausa · 18/04/2022 11:54

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

You're coming across as quite superficial OP.

Her partner didn’t change his clothes for three days. If you think not liking that is ‘superficial’, then standing downwind of you is probably quite unpleasant. 😂

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 12:09

Her partner didn’t change his clothes for three days. If you think not liking that is ‘superficial’, then standing downwind of you is probably quite unpleasant

Why would you presume that? I shower and change clothes daily BUT if someone is showering daily which OPs husband is and changing underwear ( she didn't clarify this point) wearing trousers for 3 days will not make someone stink.

Talking about your husband's balding head and him not styling his hair to her like IS superficial.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 12:10

*liking

rc22 · 18/04/2022 12:10

I confess I change underwear, socks, t-shirts daily but I do wear a pair of jeans for a few days at a time.

Like PPs I'd just be concerned that he has changed his usual habits because he is suffering with stress or depression.

ValerieCupcake · 18/04/2022 12:12

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

You're coming across as quite superficial OP.

Of course she isn't.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 18/04/2022 12:12

If he's not changing his underwear/ socks, now that is revolting and I'd be the first to say he's a grubby git.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread