Hubby personal hygiene concerns

[RacLou82]

So I have noticed more and more recently my husband has stopped taking care of himself like he used to. I haven't noticed any body odour, and he does shower and changes underwear every day. But I see him put the same t-shirt and jeans on for several days at a time, sometimes puts the same socks back on straight after his shower so he gets 2 days wear from them. It hasn't concerned me too much when it's a busy week night with our kids, work etc. However we just came back from a romantic long weekend away in a hotel for our anniversary and he wore the same clothes for 3 days, and into our evenings out too. I'm ashamed to say it really put me off as we have always been very keen on cleanliness, am I being shallow for feeling this way? I had my hair done, spray tan, nails, new lingerie and wore a nice dresses for our evening meals. It does bother me that he is not putting some kind of effort in when he have date nights like these. He has stopped getting his hair cut, or wearing a smart shirt, aftershave etc. Am I expecting too much? If not, should I broach the subject with him, or just let it go and accept this is the way he is now? We have been together almost 17 years, this behaviour is unusual for him and only became obvious to me about a year ago.

@GreyCarpet

That's why I said 'similar' and not the same...

The OP is complaining he puts the same clothes (jeans and t shirt) on after his shower. My boyfriend does that. He will (usually) put clean underwear on but not always.

She was also complaining that he wears the ae.clothes for 2 or 3 days. Don't most people? Or at least 2 or 3 days wear put of them? Esp if they're not actually dirty.

If the OP's partner doesn't smell unclean then there isn't actually an issue with his personal hygiene. He isn't Doherty. He kept isn't doing things the way she would like. Which is different.

I personally don't know a single person who rewears their clothes for 2 days. Perhaps in lockdown if not going anywhere or if ill, but not actually when going out somewhere for the evening, and especially not on a date when planning intimacy with your partner. Whilst I don't notice a smell on him it's the thought of it, I'm sure lots of people would be put off by this.

@GreyCarpet

Tbh, that all sounds fine to me. My boyfriend is similar - although would always put clean socks/underwear on after a shower.

Could it he that he alwaysade the extra effort for you because it was important to you and that is what has changed?

Without being goady, I'd rather be with someone who wasnlile that than someone who puts the 'effort' in that you describe for yourself. Spray tans and fake nails, etc (or the male equivalent) leave me cold tbh.

It doesn't sound as though he is depressed or dpng it specifically to put you off. Maybe more just that he is taking a more relaxed approach?

If you prefer to be with someone who is more relaxed about their appearance, then that's good but doesn't work for everyone. There is relaxed , but still there should be a basic standard of making sure you don't look unkempt to your partner on a romantic getaway. And just because you are together a long time does not mean it's OK to let these basics slide. In fact it could be argued it's more important further into the relationship when that initial excitement fades. And as for me making myself feel more attractive for my husband by having a manicure (not fake nails) and a light spray tan to help me feel less self conscious about my body after having children, what's wrong with that? It's a very rare treat that I indulged in to feel like a sexy woman again and not just a mum/ knackered housewife. I think it shows my husband I appreciate him and fancy him as a lover and not just the father to my children, and I know he has appreciated this in the past. So I feel it wouldn't kill him to change his top, socks, have a shave, brush his hair and put some aftershave on when we are going out!

I wouldn’t necessarily jump to depression. Sounds to me like he’s just got into some bad habits over the years. It’s the occasion here that made the difference. Wfh and recycle the odd outfit a couple of days in a row? Not a huge deal as long as you wash etc but for a date night? That’s a bit disrespectful especially when your partner has gone to a lot of effort.

Fair enough. I personally don't like a man who is overly clean or groomed though. I like to be able to smell him and not aftershave and laundry detergent!

Clothes worn for a couple of days don't bothere either if they're not actually dirty.