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Original poster

Not Knowing You Was In An Open relationship!!

54 replies

Wintertime1973 · 14/04/2022 09:01

Hi All,

Been with my partner of 15 months due to circumstances we see each other once a week, whilst we had not had the conversation I presumed we where exclusive to each other, we loved each other, great intimacy and a great connection.
Fast forward to now I find out I have a STD ( very painful ) and I have not slept around.
Turns out he's been having sex with more than one other women ( three of us all together) and all this as been unprotected!
Informed me that he wants an open relationship and doesn't know why he didn't tell me, sounds like the other women are FWB.
For Christ sake he's over 75!!!

Why does it feel so hurtful and what do I do?

OP posts:
lonelySam · 14/04/2022 09:31

He's over 75 and is sleeping with three women? Wow.

AHungryCaterpillar · 14/04/2022 09:34

75? Is that a typo? Tbh I know people hate the “exclusive chat” but this is why I think it’s important that people have the chat and don’t just assume things

Rememberitwell · 14/04/2022 09:35

If he’s 75, how old are you and the other women he is sleeping with?

trackerby · 14/04/2022 09:37

My mind is boggling!!!!

Iamnotamermaid · 14/04/2022 09:43

Two minds here ...75 and sleeping around like a teenager. One half of me thinks wow, good for you.Easter Grin. The other half is appalled that he has shown the same lack of responsibility & respect as a teenager for you & not using protection. Easter Angry

In your position I would be of to the std clinic & if you wish to continue this relationship lay down black & white ground rules. In fact if he wanted to continue with this 'arrangement' a trip to the std clinic for him would be part of the deal for both a check & education purposes. Easter Wink

outdooryone · 14/04/2022 09:49

Seems an odd post and situation - I am not sure how genuine it is.

namechangeranonymouse · 14/04/2022 09:54

@outdooryone

Seems an odd post and situation - I am not sure how genuine it is.
Bingo.
WhackingPhoenix · 14/04/2022 09:55

@outdooryone

Seems an odd post and situation - I am not sure how genuine it is.
As a sexual health nurse, this sounds entirely believable!

However, OP, I am going to very gently ask if there is any possibility that the others are either sex workers or men? In my experience, that is a far more common scenario than the average elderly man having three women on the go.

I’m going to assume the STD is herpes, in which case the next outbreaks (if you ever get any) will never be as bad as this one. Eat well, take pain relief, pour lukewarm water over your bits when you wee and ring the clinic to ask for medication as soon as you feel any symptoms coming on. Flowers

ApolloandDaphne · 14/04/2022 10:19

He has got great stamina for a 75yo for sure!

OrlandointheWilderness · 14/04/2022 10:23

@outdooryone

Seems an odd post and situation - I am not sure how genuine it is.
I'm a student nurse and this actually came up in a lecture the other week - apparently STDs in the older generation are quite common and on the rise!
WhackingPhoenix · 14/04/2022 10:31

@OrlandointheWilderness very much so!

Original poster
Wintertime1973 · 14/04/2022 10:46

I truly wish it wasn't true! I have the STD the short version is called TV!

78 years old....

OP posts:
Original poster
Wintertime1973 · 14/04/2022 10:48

The sexual clinic said the same it's common for 78 year olds to be at the clinic!

Is it his age but he isn't even sorry and going to write me a letter!!!

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 14/04/2022 10:50

I think his age is a red herring here. You do exactly what anyone should, no matter what the age of your partner. You tell him he is an irresponsible arsehole and then you kick him out of your life forever. I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Wintertime1973 · 14/04/2022 10:52

He's off to the clinic today but really is it an age thing where he doesn't care at all!!!

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/04/2022 10:54

You're asking what you should do - surely that doesn't mean you're considering staying with him?!

WhackingPhoenix · 14/04/2022 10:57

@Wintertime1973

I truly wish it wasn't true! I have the STD the short version is called TV!

78 years old....

TV is very easy to treat, make sure you take all your antibiotics and it’ll go away Flowers

Meanwhile, kick this loser out of your life for good because he will do it again and again and again.

Neverreturntoathread · 14/04/2022 11:01

First, recognise that this is a very common story. Man has sex with a bunch of women who don’t know about each ofher (and, usually, are each looking for love). There is no ‘open relationship’ or ‘FWB’ - he’s just a cheat with no respect for any of you, trying to shag as many women as possible.

But the key point is thst he couldn’t be bothered to use a condom to protect your (and his!) health. Anyone, no matter their age, who has unprotected sex with others while also having unprotected sex with you, is a stupid and disrespectful shit you should run from at the earliest opportunity.

Sorry about the STD. Please dump him. If not for this, then what on earth would make you see this creep for what he is?!

2Gen · 14/04/2022 11:04

Oh blimey! Even old men on their pensions aren't safe to be with nowadays!
IMO, as he had not stated from the start he wanted an "open" relationship, he's been cheating and what's more, wilfully putting your health at risk and not caring. He's a selfish and dishonest man!
Please look after your emotional health as well as your physical health now and get rid of him. If he's like this now, there's no hope for him.
I'm so sorry OP. Put yourself first!

Original poster
Wintertime1973 · 14/04/2022 15:02

Antibiotics that cure the TV make you sick and it's jus awful in general.

Why would someone just feel no remorse and seems to be blaming me?

I am not having him back but why do I feel I should be nice and keep trying with him?

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 14/04/2022 15:18

Probably because he is gaslighting you
. Acting like it isn't a bug deal and trying to make you feel like you are wrong or overreacting.

You aren't. He put your sexual health at risk and has been lying to you for over a year. He is a vile, vile man.

user75 · 14/04/2022 15:26

There was an STD outbreak at an old peoples home in our village. Grim at any age.

burnoutbabe · 14/04/2022 15:29

surely one doesn't presume anyone is exclusive unless one has HAD THE CHAT and also same for not using condoms?

its the same chat you'd have at 25 as you;d have as 75.

So he doesn't appear to have lied about this? Just its not been discussed?

i always thought the highest rate of transmission was in the over 60s now, as they missed the condom message/had always been married and of course no risk of babies for them.

0ats · 14/04/2022 15:36

I know a 75 year old with a wife and three affair partners!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 14/04/2022 15:42

@outdooryone

Seems an odd post and situation - I am not sure how genuine it is.
How sad that a reference to an OLD PERSON having an (over?) active sex life must be a troll. Because, y’know, OLD PEOPLE don’t have sex