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Original poster

DP looking at younger woman

52 replies

grossedout133 · 13/04/2022 12:57

I know that men look at women etc that's fine - it's human nature to look at attractive people.

My DP (45years) doesn't usually look at other women, but that's because he has a clear thing for a particular type of woman who we don't come across very often.

A few times over the years, he has taken a double glance at young women in their very early 20s. Usually very tall, blonde, and very young looking - barely out of their teens. Total opposite to me.

Again this doesn't happen very often, but last week, he saw a woman working in a cafe, and he stopped and looked up instinctively to check her out. Then when we were leaving, he spun his body around,, stood infront of me, staring over my head, and stared at her for around 5-8 seconds. It was long enough.

To be fair, she was very pretty, but very very young looking. Just too young. Maybe barely out of sixth form or first year of uni.

I'm sure she noticed, and felt completely icked out by him. I know, because as a 21 year old, I had much older men glaring at me. And I still do. It's so grim, especially when the man is with his partner. It makes me sick to my stomach. By the way, I'm not insecure of self conscious. I am happy with who I am and how I look.

The other week, I had an extremely good looking and younger man stop and check me out in this way - head spinning around to look at me, infront of my DP. He didn't like it one bit. But he didn't say anything. And I haven't said anything about him checking out this young women barely out of school/their teens.

I am so grossed out by his behaviour and struggling to think how I can stay with him. He wouldn't cheat, I don't think, but he clearly has a thing for much younger women, and I would be mortified to have babies with him, in case he behaves this way in front of our children, as he can't even control himself around me.

Not sure why I am posting. I can't speak to anyone about this IRL. It's so awful. I've never had a man behave like this in front of me.

OP posts:
Pashazade · 13/04/2022 13:02

Next time he does it, tap him on the shoulder and say "she's young enough to be your daughter, stop it". Hopefully he'll take notice.....

Original poster
grossedout133 · 13/04/2022 13:05

I don't think he will. I've brought it up before, and he's laughed about it, and told me not to worry.

OP posts:
Lucia23 · 13/04/2022 13:10

But OP it isn't just about 'not to worry'. It is a) disrespectful to you and b) disrespectful to her. Like you I've had plenty of that creepy attention and it is always made more awful when you know how their partner must be feeling.

seensome · 13/04/2022 13:12

I would walk off from any man that did that in front of me.

Unforgettablefire · 13/04/2022 13:16

In short he’s being disgustingly rude and creepy. A glance fair enough but blatantly perving at young girls is out of order. He’s humiliating you, himself and the girls he pervs on why would you even stay with a man like this?

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 13:16

Why don't you tell him about being objectified as a woman makes him feel if he doesn't care that it makes him look like a perv?

peachsweettea · 13/04/2022 13:16

Set a boundary OP, tell him that behaviour in front of you makes you uncomfortable. You can’t control what he does when you’re not around but you can at least set that boundary for yourself. He should respect you enough to understand and if he doesn’t that’s another convo altogether.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/04/2022 13:16

Blimey he would be a nightmare here in Denmark!! It is disrespectful to you and I wouldn’t like it either.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2022 13:19

Gross. Raise your standards and throw him back.

Geppili · 13/04/2022 13:23

Dump his sorry letching arse.

ReadyforTakeOff · 13/04/2022 13:26

People look at other people which is natural but the way you described sounds creepy.

You need to talk to him about it but yep, he sounds like a grade A bellend.

Original poster
grossedout133 · 13/04/2022 13:36

Honestly I don't think I can bring it up with him. It makes me feel too gross and ick.

If he had simply glanced for a few seconds, fair enough. But standing right in front me, and glaring over my head, was just too much.

I find it very tragic that a grown man could behave this way.

I didn't find it humiliating for me. For him, yes. But not me.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2022 13:40

Why haven't you broken up with him?

girlmom21 · 13/04/2022 13:42

Why are you with someone you can't talk to?

D0lphine · 13/04/2022 13:46

Any man checking out a woman half his age isn't worth bothering with.

Herejustforthisone · 13/04/2022 13:58

Are you much younger than him, OP?

THisbackwithavengeance · 13/04/2022 13:59

We all notice good looking people as you say.

But blatantly ogling and practically drooling as you stare at a young girl... how pathetic and disrespectful.

An earlier poster suggested getting up and walking out and TBH, it's not a bad idea.

If you're married or in a LTR, tell him to get a grip and mean it. If not, I'd consider dumping him.

Poppy1996 · 13/04/2022 14:08

Hi Op, I understand this is frustrating for you but speaking as a younger female that has been stared at by older men, even those with wives to accompany them I am begging you to please speak to your husband about his behavior.

You keep saying that it's fine but in reality, it's not fine at all. Firstly because he's making his wife uncomfortable but more importantly he is blatantly creeping out younger females and no one is correcting him for it.

I was on the train recently where an elder gentleman continuously stared at me, in front of his wife who said nothing even after I made it visibly obvious I didn't like the attention. I eventually took matters into my own hands and confronted him who obviously denied it, he and his wife actually exited the train and the wife flipped me the finger in absolute denial along with her husband.

We are not wild animals, your husband is able to control himself around attractive, younger females and he should be embarrassed.

Also, you deserve a lot better. Regardless of how these young women look, his attention should be with you.

DontStopMeNow7 · 13/04/2022 14:19

Ultimately this is disrespectful to you. I’d be a bit less embarrassed for him/by him and more indignant of his lack of consideration to you.
You only have 3 options:

  1. Talk to him and then he has to stop.
  2. Stay with him and get used to it.
  3. Leave him.
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 13/04/2022 14:45

The issue here isn't you or DP being humiliated. He is being disrespectful to you, yes, which is one issue but he seems to think it's ok as you've 'nothing to worry about'...well of course in that way, none of these young women are going to be interested.

What you NEED to get him to realise is how unsettling and often frightening it is to be a young woman trapped in a situation where an older man (and stranger) is blatantly leering at them for a prolonged period.

People glance at an attractive person but I remember very well how uncomfortable and intimidated it made me feel as a young woman....even now in my late 30s it unsettles me.

Would he stare at a man for that length of time? I'm not talking about in a sexual way but just staring for 5 - 8 seconds. I would imagine not because he'd probably be challenged with 'what the fuck are you looking at?' as no one likes being stared at by strangers. Young women (for the most part) will not be confident enough to do this.

I hope one does call him out one day and he realises what a creep he is.

ThistlesAndUnicorns · 13/04/2022 14:46

To clarify, a glance has never made me uncomfortable but leering, very much so.

MadMadMadamMim · 13/04/2022 14:49

I have a tall blonde daughter. Men like your DH are repulsive.

She is never going to be interested in a sad, old middle aged married man. And she objects greatly to them perving over her.

Laughing and telling you not to worry is pathetic. People will notice and be disgusted at him.

Poppy1996 · 13/04/2022 14:54

@ThistlesAndUnicorns your comment hit the nail on the head!!

Momijin · 13/04/2022 14:56

I'd tell him that when you were young and had old men staring at you, you were creeped out and thought how pathetic they looked.

I also find it disrespectful if you have a partner to stare at people like that.

GreyCarpet · 13/04/2022 15:02

I had a boyfriend who used to do that.

If she was close and it was quiet enough to hear, I used to say things like, "Come on, she deserves better than being letched over by a dirty old man like you" and smiled at her. I dumped him obvs but it was fun while it lasted and really pissed him off Grin

These young women need to know that it is the men who are the problem and that we all see them.