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Original poster

Requesting a run at weekends

54 replies

MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:23

I have two kids with SEN and parent alone all week because of my husbands long commute. For context one child is only at nursery for two hours in the morning and home with me the rest of the time . At weekends I ask to go for a run probably on one occasion and this rarely happens as I am usually unable to because of kids needs ans behaviours. My husband and I are on the brink of divorce and he told me this is one of this things he can’t stands he wants :

To not sleep alone ( he snores and I am constantly disturbed by kids and sleep deprived for 7 years also often upset by him so don’t want him next to me)

He showers in a cubicle ( the bathroom he uses is a shower room in which cubicles are commonplace) . I have never seen old him he can’t shower and elsewhere.

He thinks we should be together all the time when he is off work. My kids have high and complex needs and I need a breather at weekends and I also quite frankly need one from him too- is not this not normal.

Of course he has issues with many other things but I find it so unreasonable that he resents me having a run?

OP posts:
00100001 · 11/04/2022 07:26

"He showers in a cubicle ( the bathroom he uses is a shower room in which cubicles are commonplace) . I have never seen old him he can’t shower and elsewhere."

What...?

oliviastwisted · 11/04/2022 07:27

Yes you are right he is completely unreasonable and selfish.

I don’t really get the issue with the shower but you absolutely need to have some down time and him suggesting otherwise is awful and it sounds like he tries to manipulate you and guilt you not too do your run which is also unkind.

The wanting you in the bed awake while he snores is also utterly selfish of him.

mistermagpie · 11/04/2022 07:28

I don't understand the shower thing, but of course you need some time for yourself.

Zonder · 11/04/2022 07:30

Are they his kids too? Does he look after them at the weekend?

He sounds a bit much but honestly so do you. It really doesn't sound like you like him or want to spend any time with him.

girlmom21 · 11/04/2022 07:33

Stop requesting and start telling him.

If he doesn't want to sleep alone he can do the night get-ups and you can sleep alone.

Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:35

I don’t understand the shower thing either that’s why I mention it. I said to him “ everyone Showers in a cubicle!”?!

OP posts:
Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:36

Zonder I often don’t because he has upset me .

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 11/04/2022 07:37

@MegMogandOg

I don’t understand the shower thing either that’s why I mention it. I said to him “ everyone Showers in a cubicle!”?!
Do you mean your bathroom has a shower cubicle and he doesn't like it?
GeneLovesJezebel · 11/04/2022 07:38

You aren’t saying what the problem with the shower is ?
What is his complaint about the shower ?

oliviastwisted · 11/04/2022 07:39

I have never seen old him he can’t shower and elsewhere

What does this sentence mean?

Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:41

The issue is actually one of physical and emotional stamina: without sleep I can’t handle my life and without a breather at weekends in the form of a run it’s very hard to have the emotional resilience I need twitch my kids and often also my husband.. I feel such a pressure from him to meet his needs and such an awareness that I am failing that I just shut down and don’t feel any tenderness for him. The situation in the house with the kids is very intense and it’s all too much. Yes I long to go to bed alone at night and sleep. I have nothing to give at a certain point.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 11/04/2022 07:43

Are you living in the UK ?

Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:43

Oliviastwisted - sorry. It should read : I have never told him he can’t shower elsewhere ( he can use large family bathroom on the same floor)

OP posts:
Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 07:44

Re the shower it’s just that it’s a small bathroom with a shower cubicle in it, toilet and sink adjoining the room where he sleeps.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 11/04/2022 07:45

Assuming he is their father he is very selfish. Of course you need to sleep when possible (snorers are horrendous - I too share a bed with one!) Is the shower thing that he'd prefer a wet room where things are more open? I dislike cubicles because I'm claustrophobic but I put up with it because of the practicalities!

On the run front I think he just doesn't want to have to give up his time to look after the kids. Does he actually spend the time he's home 'together' I.e. sharing the load of the kids or does he just do his own thing leaving you with the responsibility if the kids?

On you list of things you want would be a supportive husband who shares the load of the children.
2-3hrs completely 'Off' each weekend to recharge - be that a run or a trip to the shops or just a bath!

Take care sen kids are draining...

endofthelinefinally · 11/04/2022 07:46

He is deliberately depriving you of sleep, not helping you with children and not allowing you to destress.
I don't blame you for divorcing him.

SerendipitySunshine · 11/04/2022 07:46

Do you want to be married to him?

Hatinafield · 11/04/2022 07:48

Does your bedroom have a bigger bathroom attached and the shower thing is part of his argument as to why he doesn’t want to sleep in the other room?

Anyway, it doesn’t matter I guess. Just divorce him. I assume the money for working away is decent, could you use a bit to hire a carer for a couple of hours a week so you can have some time to run?

pictish · 11/04/2022 07:53

Yanbu to want to go for a run, no. He’s being a selfish wanker.

hopeishere · 11/04/2022 07:55

I still don't understand the shower thing.

Don't ask - get changed and say I'm going for a run / coffee / to the shops.

Do you do family stuff at the weekend?

GeneLovesJezebel · 11/04/2022 07:59

So he doesn’t want to use his en-suite ? I don’t understand why, as a grown man, he doesn’t just take himself off to another bathroom.

newbiename · 11/04/2022 08:02

Don't request a run, just put your trainers on and tell him 'I'm going for a run now , bye '

Original poster
MegMogandOg · 11/04/2022 08:05

The problem is when he is at home he is together with us and helping with the kids except when he goes for hour long walks which I always say no problem to because I don’t object at all. He ie a doting father and having been at work all week he is very good with kids and playful and has the energy for this. I am depleted and also trying to organise activities and household and everything on top. He has a long commute because I bought a house when we were separated which is a 1.5 hour instance from his work. I own the house and he massively resents this. I got back together with him because of the upsetting separation was causing the children. I know this was a mistake . Yesterday I got upset because everything has got too much - washing machine broke down ( kids constanly soiling clothes and other things) and I had to arrange repair on top of planning a nice day out for us all ( nearly impossible to do ) . Loads of things broken at home and I can’t find anyone to fix them and then my son had been taking tiles off the wall in the bathroom and my Husband hadn’t told me and I got upset and shouted at him which I shouldn’t have done I know . He won’t help to pay for any repairs at all to house because it is my house. This is fair enough but it doesn’t feel great. My mum had my parents house in her name and my dad never resented it but was happy about it. The house is all I have - I don’t work and can’t at the moment because of the kids. He has a good job not hugely well paid but very good compared with the average income.

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 11/04/2022 08:08

Kick him out. He’s draining the life out of you. You can go for a run when he has his contact with the kids.
I hope he contributes to the bills ?
And I ask again, are you in the UK ?

newbiename · 11/04/2022 08:09

Don't request a run, just put your trainers on and go.