Page 3 | DH's beard gives me the ick - WWYD?

NotABeardFan · 2022-04-10T17:22:30+00:00

Over the last few months DH has grown a beard. I mentioned at the beginning it's not really my thing but I really can't stand it. It's not just the look, it's the feel. I don't want to kiss him any more which is obviously not good for our sex life. I don't know how I can bring it up without hurting his feelings or even if I should, after all, it is his face! Wwyd?

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 11/04/2022 09:40

Honestly, these beards look shit. I can remember being out in Manchester in 2008 the trendies had these beards. Roll on a few yrs later they take off in the general pop.
They look shit, the men look scruffy. My brother has a big ginger beard, thick and he trims the end so it comes to a point about 3 inches away from his chin................
He looks like a Gnome, a tramp, a scruff.

PermanentTemporary · 11/04/2022 09:47

A short beard is fine to me but dh once let his grow into a long straggly one and it was so absolutely awful, even in the dark I could see the outline of it because we live in a city so can't get complete darkness, and it was so off-putting. Yes I so think that any partner male or female should be able to say that X body habit or beauty choice is personally off-putting to them. I didn't in fact say anything and just had sex with my eyes closed and thank goodness he eventually trimmed it. But I should have been able to say something.

Magpiecomplex · 11/04/2022 09:57

To paraphrase, there are three of us in our marriage, me, DH, and DH's beard. After two years of trying to get used to it, and failing, I have tried asking him to shave so I can kiss him. He hasn't yet reached for the razor. I don't know what the next step is but I do wonder if he's telling me something about his feelings for me, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Opentooffers · 11/04/2022 10:18

My BF, to be fair, looks great with or without a beard, so no issue with how they look.
However, he's very much into kissing, as am I, but, there is less of that if he has a beard, or even stubble that's a bit long, which is a shame for both of us and makes you feel more restricted with expressing affection. If you get spiked, of course it's going to put you off. I think he knows this though, so picks his moments when not seeing each other as much or more out in public dating. If I stop over at his, I've noticed the beard tends to go.
I kinda think it's a bit strange to be unable to voice an opinion to someone you're married to.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 11/04/2022 13:28

[quote HowlongWillThisTakeNow]@DivorcedAndDelighted
So suppose you decided to change your hairstyle, and you really liked it, but your partner said it made you look unattractive ?[/quote]
I'd be happy with him saying that @HowlongWillThisTakeNow ; it wouldn't oblige me to change the hairstyle if I was very keen on it, but it would be important information to weigh in the balance.
I've had ridiculous situations in the past where my ExH refused to give any opinion when I asked him about my clothes, because he said "it shouldn't matter what I think, I don't want to influence you.". But I want my partner to find me attractive. I'd rather know than not. Attraction is a flame that can be extinguished; I think it's worth some effort to keep it alive.

Yawnzzzz · 11/04/2022 14:03

Another typical Mumsnet post full of double standards

toomanytwinkies · 11/04/2022 14:06

I hate beards, I just think ‘chin pubes’, as mens beards and pubes are meant to be identical. 🤣

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 11/04/2022 14:07

I love beards normally but dh grew his out and looked like Grizzly Adams, totally unruly and he couldn't stop stroking it, drove me up the bloody wall. It looked hideous.

Fortunately he accidentally put the trimmer on grade 1 and shaved it off and it's stayed shorter since

CornyAsACornyThing · 11/04/2022 14:07

Oh mine grew one while he had covid (he's not allowed to grow one while working, but can have one - it's the transition that he would need permission for) and I hated the ruddy thing. He knew this. But mostly I tried to be neutral about it due to the 'don't want to be controlling' thing. One day he admitted he would get rid of it at some point, wasn't really bothered, but couldn't really be bothered to shave it off either. So I offered to do anything he wanted* if he would shave it that night... and he asked for a batch of homemade flapjack . It was down to a dodgy moustache by the time I got the oats out the cupboard and completely gone by the time the syrup went in... such a relief!

He had also started to chew the bits by the side of his mouth.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 10/02/2023 18:56

My DH has decided to grow his hair. It looks dreadful. Everyone we know has openly laughed at it. It's such a turn off. But I feel I can't say anything because he wants to have long hair.

It's completely ruined our relationship because I just don't want to look at him any more, never mind anything else.

I have no idea what to do and feel so sad for us.

iamenough2023 · 10/02/2023 20:23

I do not want to be rude to some of the posters, but I there is a big difference between a style of your hair and his beard. That face comes in a direct contact with your own face, your mouth and well... some other parts of your own body. I am sorry but I think that you need to be very direct and clear in your message. If you hate it this will affect your relationship and he has to know that. Good luck op.

Kenny69 · 10/02/2023 21:03

iamenough2023 · 10/02/2023 20:23

I do not want to be rude to some of the posters, but I there is a big difference between a style of your hair and his beard. That face comes in a direct contact with your own face, your mouth and well... some other parts of your own body. I am sorry but I think that you need to be very direct and clear in your message. If you hate it this will affect your relationship and he has to know that. Good luck op.

So just suppose you change your hairstyle to something that really you like, but that your clean shaven partner doesn’t find attractive, and he stops wanting to kiss you ( anywhere), how would that be any different, if he now hates how you look?

morethanspice · 10/02/2023 22:25

gamerchick · 10/04/2022 19:11

I told husband if he grew a beard then I would grow mine.

That was that.

😂

Eleganz · 11/02/2023 06:49

Old thread this. For what it is worth we live a die by the sword here. If you all want to tell your beardy men you hate the way they look and don't want to be intimate with them because of it then be prepared to accept the same criticism in return. Some of the excuses in here for exercising a double standard are quite laughable really.

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:55

Yawnzzzz · 11/04/2022 14:03

Another typical Mumsnet post full of double standards

@Yawnzzzz

Yes. Watch posters twist themselves to explain how getting your husband to shave his beard is like so totally totally different than a husband wanting his wife to shave body hair, or not color her hair, or not cut her hair, or not get a tattoo etc

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:58

iamenough2023 · 10/02/2023 20:23

I do not want to be rude to some of the posters, but I there is a big difference between a style of your hair and his beard. That face comes in a direct contact with your own face, your mouth and well... some other parts of your own body. I am sorry but I think that you need to be very direct and clear in your message. If you hate it this will affect your relationship and he has to know that. Good luck op.

@iamenough2023

No there’s next to no difference at all. The main problem people are having with it is aesthetic. It’s not like you never touch each others hair either.

There is zero difference really between a husband wanting her wife to cut her hair always a certain way for him and this.

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:59

I like a mountain man type, not someone who it more metro and feminine so I don’t mind some beard or stubble. Idk I’m in Australia so a lot of men here seem to have them, maybe it’s different in the uK

Eleganz · 11/02/2023 07:02

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:59

I like a mountain man type, not someone who it more metro and feminine so I don’t mind some beard or stubble. Idk I’m in Australia so a lot of men here seem to have them, maybe it’s different in the uK

Mumsnet has always had a lot of strident anti-beard posters. The level of vitriol for beards seems to be way stronger on here than out there in the real world.

MistyRock · 11/02/2023 07:17

Blushingm · 10/04/2022 21:00

They're like face pubes.....can't stand them

Agreed. They are revolting. Just the thought of all the food stuck in them makes me want to heave.

MistyRock · 11/02/2023 07:25

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 06:58

@iamenough2023

No there’s next to no difference at all. The main problem people are having with it is aesthetic. It’s not like you never touch each others hair either.

There is zero difference really between a husband wanting her wife to cut her hair always a certain way for him and this.

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I wouldn't get a hair cut my husband found repulsive either. Why would you make yourself unattractive to your partner? Hair, beards etc easy to fix. It's not hard to keep up some standards.

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 07:34

Eleganz · 11/02/2023 07:02

Mumsnet has always had a lot of strident anti-beard posters. The level of vitriol for beards seems to be way stronger on here than out there in the real world.

Show quote history

@Eleganz

Weird

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 07:35

MistyRock · 11/02/2023 07:25

I wouldn't get a hair cut my husband found repulsive either. Why would you make yourself unattractive to your partner? Hair, beards etc easy to fix. It's not hard to keep up some standards.

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@MistyRock

Because a beard isn’t some weird barely seen haircut - it’s one of two options for men - facial hair or no facial hair.

Its basically like going nuts because your wife cut her butt length hair to shoulder length

Zanatdy · 11/02/2023 07:37

My new bf doesn’t have a beard as his facial hair doesn’t grow any longer than he has it now, but when we first started dating the skin on my chin was coming off and very sore. So he did some Googling and has started using some moisturiser on it. It’s a lot better now, but when he goes down on me it does feel prickly (sorry TMI) and I’d rather he shaved it off but wouldn’t ask him to. In your position I’d just say look the beard doesn’t do it for me, sorry. Then up to him I guess what he does, but you’re allowed to be honest with him about it

Witsendwilly · 11/02/2023 07:52

Interesting. We have a twist on this on our house.

My wife loves me with a beard or at the very least a few days of stubble.

I prefer to be clean shaven. I think I look about 15 years older with a beard but she likes it and likes the silver fox thing.

Anyway. Am I weak for going with her preference on the way I look over my own?

One final note to those saying a beard is lazy. It’s much easier to just shave your face than to faff around trimming m, cleaning and maintaining a beard. Shaving is also cheaper.

MistyRock · 11/02/2023 08:16

ElizaGumpyLeg · 11/02/2023 07:35

@MistyRock

Because a beard isn’t some weird barely seen haircut - it’s one of two options for men - facial hair or no facial hair.

Its basically like going nuts because your wife cut her butt length hair to shoulder length

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I don't agree, big bushy beard, repulsive, ugly. Stubble and slightly unkempt very nice. Freshly shaved nice enough. In Regards to haircuts, I wouldn't go and get a blonde flattop as I know he'd find it repulsive as its an unusual and quite horrible look. Just like a big bushy beard. Hair long or shoulder length. Not much in it. To complain about that is unreasonable. To complain about a beard is very reasonable as they are quite honestly a complete and utter turn off and make the average man look like a sex offender. 🤣