Do you like and get on with your siblings ?

[newhoover]

Hi everyone.

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings ?

Are you more or less successful than your siblings ?

This is interesting as my kids hate each other, we try very hard to be the same for both. DD is at a very hormonal stage so we keep that in mind, but DS is 5, and it is heartbreaking to see how she treats him.
I know this is getting away from the subject a little, but I am hoping to read posts where siblings relationships got better

Mind, DS doesn't actually hate DD, he just copies her attitude and mannerisms. The valantines card he made at school was for her

It looks like my child will be an only and reading these posts I'm not sure whether that's a good or bad thing!

@newhoover

I don`t like my sister.

She has always had things better than me.

She got my parents when they were younger.

My grandparents when they were younger or some still alive.

Got sent to a better school.

Got to go to 6th form instead of college.

Always had better jobs.

Has a nicer house.

Hold on, so this isn't about not linking your sister as a person? It's about you being jealous and resentful of things the was given or provided, most of which were circumstantial or had no control over? And that makes you not like her? Tbh I feel sorry for your sister.

Liking*

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings ?

No

Are you more or less successful than your siblings ?

Equal but we have different lifestyles, commitments and family structure we also did things differently I got married right out of school and had my kids, he went to uni and finished, got a good job then got engaged, didn't move in together until married, bought a house then had kids so in his mind he did everything "right" and his superiority shows.
Success wise (as in career and financial) we are now equal he just hasn't worked out how to climb down off his high horse as yet and so after putting up with his attitude my whole adult life I ended up deciding enough is enough and now I see him as little as possible (got it down to once a year - Christmas and only for my parents sake) I don't communicate with him outside of that and I don't engage more than surface level when we have to see him.
Once my parents are no longer around we won't be in contact at all.

No, but if I won the lottery I would give them a share of the money.

I hate this word successful. What does it actually mean? I think success is judged by the quality of personal relationships and personal happiness. However in this context it is always used to mean money. I couldn’t care less how much money my siblings have or their careers. I’m interested in whether I like them as people.

Yes, my siblings and I have a good relationship. I'm closer to my brother as we're closer in age and grew up together. There's a 13 year difference between one of my siblings and me so we're not as close but still ring each other and meet up for movies and dinner. My brother and I talk nearly everyday and we have such a laugh. We have the same sense of humour and his family and I have been on holiday together. Love my siblings ❤️

but if I won the lottery I would give them a share of the money

I wouldn't be telling mine at all.
Not because I wouldn't be sharing it with people, but I'll share it with those I choose to, he just isn't one of them, and nothing good would come of telling anyone I'd just come into a bundle of cash.

Are the two questions connected in your mind?

And how are you defining success?

I love my siblings. We get on great but don't see loads of each other.

Successful? No idea and have never thought to compare. And even if I did want to compare, it would be a mix I suppose. Financial, property, job, work/life balance, relationships, friendships, talents, skills, home life, life experiences, health, satisfaction with life - there are so many ways to define 'success'. And it changes through life as well.

I wouldn't ever think to compare my 'success' with siblings though. I want them to be as happy as possible and am happy for them when good things happen. I appreciate that if you are envious of the benefits your sister had, it would make it harder for you to be happy for her. But those things aren't her fault. And we aren't defined soley by our childhoods. Bad stuff can happen to anyone. Good stuff can happen to people who had a bad start.

No. I’d seriously think about killing him if I knew I’d get away with it

No!
I have autistic children who they excluded constantly so I made the decision to cut them all out of our lives permanently 🤷‍♀️.
My kids face enough challenges in life without having to endure toxic family.

Quote comes to mind holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

I'm NC with my sister. And my life is so much better for it - should have done it years ago.

I never realised how on edge i was all the time, waiting for the next poisoned barb to be launched.

I have an older brother and a younger sister, and they are my favourite people in the world. I love and admire them more than I can say - we recently went on a weekend break, together with my sister's husband and my best friend, and it was heaven ♥️

I don't see one brother for self protection. He bullied me relentlessly throughout my childhood, mocked me, called me fat. My mother didn't appear to like me much so he was never checked. I decided in my 30s when I had a lot to deal with to go gray rock with him. I've been happier since but I'll never have the self confidence I see in others.

@newhoover

I don`t like my sister.

She has always had things better than me.

She got my parents when they were younger.

My grandparents when they were younger or some still alive.

Got sent to a better school.

Got to go to 6th form instead of college.

Always had better jobs.

Has a nicer house.

It's hardly your sister's fault that she was born first. As for educational opportunities, those were your parents' decisions. Whether or not the choices were the right ones, your sister can't be held responsible. If you dislike her for these reasons, or because you are jealous of her job and her house, it seems to me that your resentment is very much misplaced and unfair to your sister.

My relationship with my younger brother is not existent. Nothing to do with success but the fact his non-working wife has just announced she is pregnant with their FIFTH child, their house cannot accommodate the 4 children they have already; they live off tax credits etc and are parasitic as far as my elderly mother is concerned. - anything they can’t afford, a handout is always available. Her choice, I know, but I can’t stand piss takers

Have you posted before about your sister op?
Your posts seem very familiar.
If I remember rightly you were given the same answers about your jealousy- and then thread was pulled.

We have a good relationship, now we don't live together. We're twins and until he went to uni we fought all the time. We talk weekly, text a bit more frequently, we're in a few group WhatsApps, so don't directly talk daily, but that's additional to our own messages.

We're equally successful in totally different ways, he went the uni route, I went to work. Now, I own my house, I'm married and have children, I love my job, low paid but it's my dream job.
He has a extremely successful career, earns a lot of money, rents an apartment with his girlfriend, they go on these exciting holidays, they get awesome experiences.

Our parents tell us they're equally proud of us, they fly out to visit him and his gf as often as they can, they cross the river to see me and my boys.

I feel for the OP, her sisters success makes her feel resentful. It's a natural human reaction. Sadly the world is full of situations like this.
DH and I both have a sister each, both earn more than us but because we are frugal (stingy🤣) we seem to appear in a similar bracket in terms of house, car and disposable income.
The best thing anyone can do is love what they have, no matter how big or small. Comparison is the thief of all joy sadly :-(

my brother and i have a perfect arrangement he lives one end of the country and i live the other end only see him at family weddings and funerals nowadays

My eldest brother is 11 years older than me, and as a kid he absolutely terrorised me, I was fat, and he would take delight in terrorising me until I cried and begged him to stop, he'd comment on what I was eating, doing, wearing. Everything was criticism. I now have absolutely no self esteem, issues with food, depression anxiety, self harm, panic attacks and suicidal ideation, the lot. He was the golden child that could do no wrong.

My other brothers are OK, but I don't know them, we don't have a relationship at all. I don't even have my brothers phone numbers.

It's cool I'm planning on moving 400 miles away in the next couple of years. I can't fucking wait.

@Robin233 yes same style, said she wished every bad fortune on her sister. Was horrible.