Sweet or a bit much?

[theickisback]

I've been seeing a man for about 12 weeks. We both live with our parents and we haven't come out as an official couple yet so we don't get much alone time.
He booked us a hotel for the night, and I messaged to say I had period pain, toothache and felt a bit sorry for myself.
When I got to the hotel he'd bought me painkillers, some toothache gel, some dairy milk and a bottle of wine. He said period sex doesn't bother him (it didn't 😂) but no pressure either way.
Is that sweet, or a bit OTT?

[quote CinstonWhurchill]@youvegottenminuteslynn so what is she moaning and posting about then?

She could have chosen to stay home and refrain from date. [/quote]
Well yes, obviously she could have. I don't think she wanted to though.

I think she just wondered whether him buying all those things was a bit much or overstepping or something, that's all.

Perhaps she isn't used to someone doing thoughtful stuff for her and so thought it was a bit sickly sweet? My partner would do that stuff now we are in an established relationship but back when I had only previously been with men who weren't thoughtful, I can imagine myself feeling a bit worried it was OTT.

I now think personally that it all sounds OK and just like someone who is keen on her.

But I can't see in her post anything indicating she wouldn't have wanted to go or would have preferred to cancel.

I’d say sweet although he may have been a bit worried it would have affected your willingness to have sex so I don’t think it was completely selfless.

After only 12 weeks I definitely wouldn’t be telling my parents about someone I’m dating either and I don’t live with them.
Many people like to keep things to themselves for a while.

It’s also fine to have sex on your period.
I never knew this was an issue for so many women.

Possible OTT but seems considerate at the same time. I would give it linger to decide.

Btw, what's with all the anti period sex posts - surely it's when women are at their horniest and also it's fantastic for pain relief?

The period sex conversation came up a few days before as I knew the night away was going to fall in my pill free week.

FYI you can carry your pill on so you miss that period if you need to.

I don’t think you should do it regularly but every now and then is fine.

It sounds like he was being sweet but you don’t know him very well yet SJ it’s always good to keep your guard up for any red flags.

Sweet. Pmsl at all the people gasping about him hoping for a shag- they’d booked a hotel room, what do you think they planning to do?

I think it's sweet - but of course this is MN, the man is always in the wrong.

Period sex? How vile.
Must be a “generational thing” that I feel like that.
Can a woman never have a natural break these days?

What generation are you? I'm over 60 and I never looked upon it as "vile". In fact, in my very young pre-sex days I never understood why so many women talked about it as though you couldn't possibly have sex when having a period. Still don't understand it.

"@youvegottenminuteslynn Perhaps she isn't used to someone doing thoughtful stuff for her and so thought it was a bit sickly sweet? My partner would do that stuff now we are in an established relationship but back when I had only previously been with men who weren't thoughtful, I can imagine myself feeling a bit worried it was OTT".

Oh pl..ea..ssee! You are projecting . If OP was feeling unwell she could have stayed at home. OP chose to go and fair play. There is also nothing wrong with period sex. Your previous bad choices are not the OP's.

If i had a date, then had my period and toothache and was feeling under the weather, i would cancel date & make an immediate appointment with a dentist. Once i had had dental treatment i would have gone home to bed with a 200g bar of Dairy Milk and a hot water bottle
to console myself. End of!

I am not sure what OP wants here. OP chose to go on date. OP could have chosen to stay home with her ailments.

So much drama for no reason.

@Giveitall

Period sex? How vile. Must be a “generational thing” that I feel like that. Can a woman never have a natural break these days?

'Get a break'?

I don't know how old you are, possibly old enough to be of my mothers generation (she's 79) because she'd think like that too, whereas I'm 53, period sex was great, relieved period pain like nothing else, but had to stop when I started having very heavy periods as it ended up looking like someone had been murdered!

I don't need a break, women are permitted to enjoy sex too.

Sweet. Pmsl at all the people gasping about him hoping for a shag- they’d booked a hotel room, what do you think they planning to do?

Well, a couple of rounds of Rummikub and nice cup of tea obviously.

I think it was quite thoughtful tbh.

[quote CinstonWhurchill]"@youvegottenminuteslynn Perhaps she isn't used to someone doing thoughtful stuff for her and so thought it was a bit sickly sweet? My partner would do that stuff now we are in an established relationship but back when I had only previously been with men who weren't thoughtful, I can imagine myself feeling a bit worried it was OTT".

Oh pl..ea..ssee! You are projecting . If OP was feeling unwell she could have stayed at home. OP chose to go and fair play. There is also nothing wrong with period sex. Your previous bad choices are not the OP's.

If i had a date, then had my period and toothache and was feeling under the weather, i would cancel date & make an immediate appointment with a dentist. Once i had had dental treatment i would have gone home to bed with a 200g bar of Dairy Milk and a hot water bottle
to console myself. End of!

I am not sure what OP wants here. OP chose to go on date. OP could have chosen to stay home with her ailments.

So much drama for no reason.

[/quote]
I mean... I said what I would have done and you said what you would have done. That's not projection it's literally saying what you'd do from personal experience. If my post was projection, so was yours... so your implication about me is rather hypocritical.

I said I would have done the same thing as OP and gone so surely my decision is 'fair play' too. You're acting as if I've said her decision to to was wrong? I've said quite literally the opposite!

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with period sex. It's a non issue for me. I don't think being on your period automatically means consoling yourself alone - you would want to do that which is your experience and prerogative but OP and I don't feel that way. Equally our experience and prerogative.

You seem keen to argue when I'm not sure our positions differ, you just think OP was wrong to go and I don't. Her issue wasn't whether she should go or not, it was whether his actions were sweet or not.

I'm not sure whY point you're trying to make exactly other than being oddly combative and labelling sharing a personal experience as projection when other people do it... even if you do so yourself.

Very odd!

He sounds very thoughtful OP. I think if he just wanted to coerce you into sex, he wouldn’t have bothered with the Dairy Milk or the tooth gel .

He was obviously considering you and wanted you to feel better.

Nothing wrong with period sex. Great for easing cramping. I found it sweet that DH was up for it early on in our relationship. Showed he was into me if he was prepared to get covered in my blood!

I think he sounds absolutely lovely OP but only you know really how you felt.

I agree with the PPs who are astounded at so many people thinking there is an issue with period sex. I've also only ever ended up dating men who were fine with it..Tbh I'd think it's more of a red flag if a man was grossed out by it! It's perfectly natural to have a period and perfectly natural to have and want sex... if those things happen at the same time then fine!

The last time I was in a new relationship, we'd only had sex once before it was my time of the month so clearly in the first flushes of romance we were both more keen to carry on rather than go without for a week!

I've had sex when I've had my period plenty of times but it's not great unless it's a really light flow. I think it's ok for a man to say that too. It doesn't always mean they are disgusted by it just that they don't like it.

He should have bought those things and suggested a movie and cuddle and not mentioned sex. I'm thinking ulterior motives

@pictish

Although tbh I’d have been put off by your minor ailments chat before a special occasion too. Sorry.

I'm put off by you hanging around a talkboard aimed mostly and women and making creepy comments.

@Rosiestraws

I think he sounds absolutely lovely OP but only you know really how you felt.

I agree with the PPs who are astounded at so many people thinking there is an issue with period sex. I've also only ever ended up dating men who were fine with it..Tbh I'd think it's more of a red flag if a man was grossed out by it! It's perfectly natural to have a period and perfectly natural to have and want sex... if those things happen at the same time then fine!

The last time I was in a new relationship, we'd only had sex once before it was my time of the month so clearly in the first flushes of romance we were both more keen to carry on rather than go without for a week!

This. If a man found sex with me off-putting because of my normal bodily functions I'd not want to see him again. To me, he would have revealed either a prissy squeamishness I'd find unattractive, or other dubious views about women and menstruation that I'd find even more so.

And what about women who don’t want to have sex on their period? You know many women don’t want to either so why would they be put off? It’s ok not to want to as well.

Not at all "sweet". Sounds like it was all engineered to ensure he got sex rather than caring how you were feeling.