Engagement rings and divorce

[bathsh3ba]

Just a straw poll as I'm intrigued. If you are divorced, did you (or your wife) return engagement ring(s) when the marriage ended.

I know that etiquette wise they are a gift and don't have to be returned but personally I returned mine, even though I ended things due to his infidelity and abuse. It was a while ago now but I think my reason was I didn't want him having anything over me.

My boyfriend's ex-wife didn't return hers.

There clearly isn't a right or wrong answer but I'm interested to hear people's opinions and reasons.

Nope sold both my rings.

@Sleepytimebear

My exh never gave me anything in 10 years apart from that ring. I paid for everything. He asked if I was keeping it and I told him I'd throw it in the sea before he got it back! I'm pretty sure the legal position is that as long as you actually get married it's considered a gift and you keep it

Engagement rings are considered a gift anyway, and you only have to hand it back if the ring is a family heirloom and you've agreed it goes back. You don't have to hand the ring back if you don't get married.

@Whatever00

If your engaged and split it should be returned. It's a gift based on the contemplation of marriage. Once your married it's yours even if you divorce.

It's a gift in the UK regardless of whether you marry or not, unlike in the US.

As @Eeksteek wrote, it's a form of compensation because in older times, a woman who got engaged was considered soiled goods, even if she was a virgin, so the ring was to provide some means to live on until she could get her life sorted out, another betrothal, etc.

Sold mine no started an ISA with the cash. DH’s ex kept hers, which I found strange, as she left for OM.

Not sure everyone would do this but (new) DH and I traded previous our wedding rings, my engagement ring along with a few other items in with the jeweller we used at Hatton Garden to make our new rings. These things had been sitting around in drawers for years so I was pleased they could be put to some use.

I've heard that used engagement rings do not hold their value. It wasnt worth a fortune, approx 3k. Would I get anything for it? Should I bother getting it valued?

He asked for it back and my wedding ring. Said they were marital assets - stupid cunt. And for all the jewellery he had bought me prior to marriage.

I did not give them back.

@LakeIsle48

I've heard that used engagement rings do not hold their value. It wasnt worth a fortune, approx 3k. Would I get anything for it? Should I bother getting it valued?

A valuation is really only for insurance purposes: it won’t be an indication of what you might sell it for second hand. It’s a good idea to have it valued and itemised on your home insurance, anyway.

If the stones are a decent size then the resale value with a dealer will be better - but no, it won’t resell for anything like £3k.

I sold mine to be able to buy some fire wood when I left - it was only a stupidly cheap one. Got £30 for it (would have been a bit more if I'd waited til the crazy gold boom that happened)

Mine went in the canal, realised later should have put him in and kept the ring

@quicklybeingdrivenmad

Mine went in the canal, realised later should have put him in and kept the ring

Still have mine and still wear it! It's more of a cocktail ring and I had it for 30 years so it's not going anywhere !
I divorced my husband, not the ring ! LOL!

I sold it and put the money towards another one

I've kept mine,and wedding and eternity rings, my daughters can have them when they're old enough

@Brakebackcyclebot

No, I sold them and bought something else.

Them? Are you Zsa Zsa Gabor?

I sold mine on ebay. Put the money towards things for my flat at the time

Kept both of mine. It didn’t even occur to me to give them back!!

I kept my engagement, wedding & eternity rings. I'll give them to DD when she's older.

Not the most mature but I threw mine along with my wedding and eternity ring at my exH. I was so angry at the time that our relationship meant so little to him that I got frustrated those rings weren't actually a symbol of anything. I don't think it really matters though.

I wear my old engagement ring as a right hand ring. The wedding ring is in the safe and might get melted down at some point alongside other inherited gold jewellery to make a custom piece... Am undecided.

But then, I feel almost completely neutral about my first marriage and my ex husband. The marriage was a mistake, only lasted a year and we were immature and a bit stupid... No one cheated and we truly had a clean break when we divorced.

And I still love the ring!

Mine went on eBay together with my wedding dress.
No regrets.

My ex did ask in court if he could have the engagement ring back was the look from the judge

I gave mine back after 12 years of marriage. I never liked it. He didn't care to find out what I liked.

@SandyY2K

You don't give them back. You give back the engagement ring if you break it off BEFORE the marriage.

This is exactly what I did. I was the one to break it off, I didn't want to keep it.

I very quickly gave mine back. It was given to me as a promise that we would love each other etc. He broke that promise. I do regret that decision not that I would get a lot for a second hand ring even though it was expensive but I would of passed it on to dd. I'm sure he sold it pretty early on as was always desperate for money and was selling a lot of his own belongings. His loss

Kept mine, it's a lovely ring and I wear it on my right hand ring finger to this day. I could pass it on to one of my boys but worry that a) they might see it as a bit unlucky and b) I have one ring and two boys.
So I'll keep it. I'm fortunate I have a great relationship with EXH. Does make the think I need to work out to what to do with it in my will though.