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Original poster

Engagement rings and divorce

104 replies

bathsh3ba · 09/04/2022 17:23

Just a straw poll as I'm intrigued. If you are divorced, did you (or your wife) return engagement ring(s) when the marriage ended.

I know that etiquette wise they are a gift and don't have to be returned but personally I returned mine, even though I ended things due to his infidelity and abuse. It was a while ago now but I think my reason was I didn't want him having anything over me.

My boyfriend's ex-wife didn't return hers.

There clearly isn't a right or wrong answer but I'm interested to hear people's opinions and reasons.

OP posts:
SallyMcNally · 09/04/2022 19:39

@OldTinHat

I've had a few. I returned those where I called off the engagement. I kept the ones from where they called off the engagement and I also kept the ones from each of my marriages.
Terribly nosy but I'm dying for more details here
Iseeyoulookingatme · 09/04/2022 19:44

I sold mine it helped towards buying ds his new school uniform and food. My exh was taking all of his salary out of our joint account at the time and didn't leave me anything to feed ds with.

Phos · 09/04/2022 19:52

I kept it. He had plenty time to ask for it back. I haven’t spoken to him for nearly 9 years so I guess he’s not bothered.

Sleepytimebear · 09/04/2022 19:55

My exh never gave me anything in 10 years apart from that ring. I paid for everything. He asked if I was keeping it and I told him I'd throw it in the sea before he got it back! I'm pretty sure the legal position is that as long as you actually get married it's considered a gift and you keep it

Gardeningcreature · 09/04/2022 21:07

Sold it along with my wedding ring. I asked dd if she wanted it and she said no.
Dh's ex not only kept hers but still wears it, she is married to someone else which I find odd.

Whatever00 · 09/04/2022 21:13

If your engaged and split it should be returned. It's a gift based on the contemplation of marriage. Once your married it's yours even if you divorce.

Maze76 · 09/04/2022 21:17

Going through divorce and I have absolutely no intention of returning either of my rings. I wore them for 7 years and it was heartbreaking to remove them.. I will treasure the good memories

TheBigDilemma · 10/04/2022 09:21

@Eeksteek

They are not a gift. They are compensation for your soiled purity and reduction in marriagability if a man proposes, takes your virginity and then doesn’t marry you. Bloody patriarchy strikes again!

Basically, yet another way of getting you into bed. So you can keep the thing with a clear conscience. I still wear mine (partly because I have no interest another relationship now, and it signals that very simply, and partly because it’s the nicest and most expensive thing I’ve ever worn)

Fancy the idea of someone giving you a ring to get you into bed in these times and age Grin

But in all honesty, even in the olden years, you would only return the ring if you broke the engagement yourself, as the expensive ring was an insurance to give the woman some financial back up if the husband died or made a runner.

Sadly, of the 3 months salary it was said an engagement ring should cost, the jewellers are keeping 75%, as you wouldn’t get much more than 20% of the original value if sold.

MoggyP · 10/04/2022 11:17

Sadly, of the 3 months salary it was said an engagement ring should cost

That was a De Beers advertising slogan to get people to spend more, not an actual tradition

Courante · 10/04/2022 11:27

No, I sold the engagement and wedding ring (yes, for about 20% of what they cost)

HereAgainFFS · 10/04/2022 11:45

How do you sell your rings? I was put off because I've been told that you don't get much for them.

layladomino · 10/04/2022 13:45

It didn't occur to me to return mine.
Etiquette doesn't require it.
Logically there's no reason to. (It was a gift, and we both kept gifts that the other had bought them. I didn't expect his guitar or mountain bike, so why would I return a ring?)

ImInStealthMode · 10/04/2022 13:47

I sold my wedding and engagement rings, along with his wedding ring that I found down the couch cushions long after he'd moved out.

sausagelastrange · 10/04/2022 13:53

Sold my engagement and wedding rings. And also my ex husband's wedding ring that he left behind when he moved out.

I got very little for them considering what they cost, but on the way home from the jewellers where I sold them, I gave half of it to a homeless man and bought a beautiful, colourful, expensive tea pot. Every time I use it I feel happy that I chose to walk away from a very unhappy marriage.

It did take me a few years to sell them though. I liked them both as pieces of jewellery and occasionally put them on and thought how nice they looked....then remembered the prick I married and took them off 😂

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 10/04/2022 14:20

Swapped it for a diamond bracelet.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/04/2022 14:23

There is a right way, it’s a gift and you keep it Hmm

Mine was from my family anyway so was always mine but if now DH and I split of course I’d keep it even though he bought it, it’s on my hand, it’s mine.

NeverSayNeverAgainMaybe · 10/04/2022 14:24

I have it back, but then took it back a few weeks later without him knowing (we were forced to cohabitate for a bit).
I was thinking I might get it made into a pendant for DD when she turns 18, it's a solitaire in platinum so it would work well as a classic pendant i think.
Not sure what to do with the wedding ring. It's covered in little diamond chips, a bit like an eternity ring. Can't imagine either of the kids would want it to get married with, would they? Bad juju etc.

BungleandGeorge · 10/04/2022 14:29

If you break the engagement I think you should offer it back but not if you’ve got married. I guess if it’s a family heirloom it would be the kind thing to offer it back

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/04/2022 14:31

I left mine behind because I didn't want it.

It was my decision to do that, I didn't feel like I should do it or that it was the right thing to do. I just wanted less to remind me of the useless wanker I married.

Flakjacketon · 10/04/2022 14:45

I didn't return it but gave it to our daughter when she turned 18.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/04/2022 15:15

I’d definitely return mine if we broke up because it’s a family heirloom with a lot of significance to his family - I like his mum and sisters and I wouldn’t want to take something from them which they have such a connection with: they like that I have the ring because it means I’m family and once I stopped being family it would feel very weird for me to hold onto it.

Besides, we’re childfree so I wouldn’t have a child I’d want to give it to, and friends who have sold jewellery have received so little for it that it would be almost pointless to sell it.

Notwithittoday · 10/04/2022 15:17

Sold mine and bought a new kitchen in my new home with it.

Twobigsapphires · 10/04/2022 15:21

First husband, I kept my engagement ring as it was a family heirloom, but left my wedding ring on the kitchen counter when I left.
Second husband I took them with me. Sold the engagement ring to pay for kids furniture in my new house. Have kept the wedding ring, one of my dc can have that.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 10/04/2022 15:50

Mmm.
My dbro married and divorced after roughly 7 years. Amicable as far as i know. Asked for the engagement ring back as it was my grandmothers. They had no children but I had a couple of daughters. Ring wasn't really valuable but had sentimental value.
She agreed and then "mislaid" it.
Yeah, right.

GeneLovesJezebel · 10/04/2022 15:52

No, you keep it and use the money towards your divorce.