I've been with my boyfriend about six years & during this time we've lived in the same place and separate places. I went to uni for three years, so that was long distance. We were then in the same city again for about a year, then he had to move as his DM was dying. A few months after this I'd moved to London for a job & now I'm in the South-East. Since around the time of lockdown I started to struggle more with the long-distance & was jealous of couples that could 'move in' together as they were local. We didn't see each other until the whole bubble thing was introduced.
We've talked about him moving here, but he's reluctant because a) He has a business which is based where he currently lives. Though it's worth saying this business has been doing very poorly for the last few years & he's thinking of winding it down 2) He currently lives with his brother, who has disabilities, doesn't and probably can't work. They don't get on at all, but his DM said on her death bed that he must promise to look after said brother.
To add to the complications, I had been thinking of buying a flat in the South East, as want to get on the property ladder. I have been looking at different areas. The plan is obviously for him to move in with me, but then he recently asked if I could move to the South West where he's based, as my job is permanently remote with just the odd trip into the office. I hadn't even considered this till recently - though am reluctant as have some friends here & I like having easy access to London. Plus houses are likely to retain value a bit more due to said proximity. I feel like if he ends up winding his business down, it would make more sense for him to move here as he'd be doing a 9-5. But whenever he talks about it he says he feels stuck due to the responsibility of his brother, who the benefits office are now trying to get off benefits. The brother is also occasionally involved with the business, though mostly uses it as a storage unit. Partner has been SE most of his life and detests the thought of working for someone else.
We see each other between 8-10 days a month usually & spent two weeks at Christmas together & I'm really starting to struggle with living apart. Mostly the lack of spontaneity in the relationship & obviously the fact we're physically apart a lot of the time. I live alone so it can get quite lonely. It's got to the stage where it's really affecting me mentally, and I'm bringing it up every time we speak on the phone. I'm seeing him over Easter, so going to try and have a sensible discussion. I feel like the options are:
A) Break up
B) He moves here
C) I move there
I feel like breaking up would not be a good option for me mentally at the moment, as I'm quite isolated and struggle with mental health. But equally, should I have to put plans such as buying a flat on hold because he's too scared to tell his brother he's leaving? I know one of us is going to have to compromise, but it's tricky as there's no compromise where we can meet in the middle really.
Any thoughts?