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Original poster

What was the pivotal moment in your life that defined you wanted to be single for the rest of your life?

59 replies

Dragonistai · 07/04/2022 21:05

For me, it's been one too many bad online dates and not having the tenacity to do it anymore.
I've now hung up my dating app shoes.
I have my daughter, I don't want any more children.. I don't need a man to have more children.
I now am on the road to accepting myself and working on my life and bettering aspects of it.
What was your moment?

OP posts:
WellThisWentWell · 07/04/2022 21:11

Discovering that I’m asexual and even though I’d actually would like a relationship, there is just no chance in one because I don’t want to have to have sex.
So, it was kind of decided for me, but I’d still choose being single over forced to have sex.

I like how you said you’re on the road to accepting yourself and bettering your life.
I’m doing the same….

Walkingalot · 07/04/2022 22:28

Very much what you've written OP plus the fact I'm going through the menopause and can't be arsed with sex any more. I think I woke up one day and felt relieved that I hadn't got to make anyone else happy except myself (and DC). I'd done OLD to death and it was boring me.
I don't want my future happiness to be dependant on another man.

alittlefickle · 07/04/2022 22:39

It was my ex of 4 years 'promising' me from the start he wouldn't ever treat me like the others. He knew I suffered with various mental health problems and said he was okay with everything, assured me over and over .... however ..... HE WAS WORSE!!!!

I was also diagnosed with BPD while we were together. He would gaslight me constantly and then got pissed off when I reacted, he cheated, lied, criticise like nothing I've ever experience, dump me every other week (then take me back), got engaged, then took that back too....Got engaged AGAIN... and preceded to treat me like something you'd scrape off your shoe.

I loved him, I really believed he was sorry every time he hurt me ...
He didn't mean it .... he broke my fucking heart.

Over it now....but.....

I'm done with relationships. Can't risk my mental health again.

Babdoc · 07/04/2022 22:45

The death of my much loved DH at the age of 36.
I have spent the last 30 years on my own, raising our two babies to adulthood and working full time as a doctor. Didn’t have the time or wish to try and replace someone who was all in all to me, my complete soulmate.

bloodywhitecat · 07/04/2022 22:47

DH died 5 weeks ago. I cannot imagine ever wanting to share my life with anyone that isn't him.

Ohballstothis · 07/04/2022 22:52

Babdoc my DH died aged 38 very recently. He was my soulmate, an exceptional person and I know I'll never find anyone like him. Can I ask if you ever dated or met anyone along the way or have you purposively swerved it?

TheRossatron · 07/04/2022 22:57

The breakdown of yet another relationship in November. I can't be fucked with any more washed out dreams. I'm officially retired at 37.

Curlewcall · 07/04/2022 23:09

The death of my DH.

Couldn’t imagine ever finding someone who would take his place.

I have spent the last 15 years making a good, if very different, life for myself. I gave up my stressful career and moved half way across the country to be closer to my DD & DGC. I found a reasonable job, bought a wreck that needed renovation and set out to create something that reflected me and my tastes alone.

5 years ago I met a like minded friend through Meetup, who I walk with severals days a week. We are not in any kind of relationship, but also go out for meals together occasionally and on holiday together.

He respects my feelings about DH and that I will never want a relationship, I respect his idiosyncrasies and it just works !!

TheGrinchsDog · 08/04/2022 00:06

I'm almost 40, for me it was the cumulative effect of multiple abusive and crappy male relationships.

I'm bi, but it's the men that have exhausted me to the point that I don't want to be with anyone anymore in any kind of sexual or romantic capacity.

TheGrinchsDog · 08/04/2022 00:07

So sorry to everyone who has lost a beloved DH Flowers

idrinkandiknowthings · 08/04/2022 13:44

I met the love of my life 4 years ago. We had an 8 month fling before I got my heart splattered all over the county. I'm not complaining or looking for sympathy because it's my fault and I deserved it. I've tried online dating but no-one can ever be him and I know I'll remain single as a consequence.

Losing a beloved DP, DW or DP must be hell on earth. Huge hugs to those affected.
I

Ostryga · 08/04/2022 13:50

Also realising that whilst I liked relationships I was forcing myself to have sex to keep my partner’s happy.

Finding out being asexual was a thing was the best day of my life. 2 years since I last had any kind of sexual encounter and never felt happier.

I make the most of my friends and have a lovely group so never feel lonely, but so happy to never have to be sexual again. Such a relief!

Flittingaboutagain · 08/04/2022 13:54

I think I'm going through this now. I lost my first husband and eventually convinced myself that although no one would ever replace him it was OK to try and find a nice bloke to share my days with again. The hurt of going through the realisation that everyone leaves me or lets me down is too much to go through a third time.

RantyAunty · 08/04/2022 14:22

The realisation that no man has ever made my life better.

They have made my life worse and harder in many ways.
That they are selfish by nature and ruled by their dicks.

JeanMarie · 08/04/2022 15:31

I was married twice, divorced twice by age 36....both exh were alcoholic. I didn't date for a few years after 2nd divorce as I had 3 young dc and wanted to concentrate on making a stable life for them. When I resumed dating in mid 40's I tried OLD.....what a minefield that was! After a string of disasters I realised the one common denominator was me. I was letting these totally unsuitable men into my life....thankfully not my dcs lives. I did a bit of counselling, a lot of soul searching and decided I was definitely better not dating....and much happier. I very happily remained single and celibate BUT after years of this (I'm now 62) I quite by chance met a lovely man who I was quite happy to be "just friends" with. Now we are making wedding plans so never say never! 😁

alittlefickle · 08/04/2022 15:57

@RantyAunty

My ex was totally ruled by his dick.
Me: Perimenopausal/loss of libido...
Him: Can't live like that - I'll cheat!!!!

He REALLY loved me... (I jest of course, he loved his cock and sex with anyone else).

Sad part - is my libido is back to its best..... but I'd rather be single forever than be made to feel guilty or bad if I can't or don't want sex.

Sunnytwobridges · 08/04/2022 15:59

@RantyAunty

The realisation that no man has ever made my life better.

They have made my life worse and harder in many ways.
That they are selfish by nature and ruled by their dicks.

Sooooo true!!!!
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 08/04/2022 16:03

@bloodywhitecat

DH died 5 weeks ago. I cannot imagine ever wanting to share my life with anyone that isn't him.
Flowers
arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2022 16:06

This guy off OLD, that I quite liked, asked me for a date in January. I went through my diary, going through each day 'nope, I'd rather do yoga' 'nope, I'd rather go swimming' 'nope, out with my friend' 'nope...' I got to April, and realised, I rather like being single actually.
I think when you grow up surrounding by the social mantra that you have to be in a relationship, it's quite hard to wrap your head around the fact, that being single is actually really rather lovely.

Mochatatts · 08/04/2022 16:08

Third long term relationship with a man I adored. But has turned out to still be the teenager I was in love with years ago. We have a beautiful daughter to add to my two sons. But I'm done. As soon as I move out there'll be no more men. I won't live with another adult again. I'm fed up of compromising on the state of the house, having arguments over meals and being a bloody chauffeur. All the things I tolerated in the beginning are now massive irritations, more fool me.

Sudokooo · 08/04/2022 16:34

It was a number of things for me.

  1. My last partner was irritating me for no real reason so I ended it.
  2. I was financially independent and have lots of friends to go out with.
  3. I found OLD to be hideous
  4. Sex no longer interested me much
  5. I am happier in the company of animals, particularly my dogs and they give me all the cuddles I need.

I have been single and celibate now for 5 years now (57) and absolutely love it. I’m fortunate to be retired as used my divorce settlement to buy a small house and have some funds left over. My home is how I want it, I look after my grandchild twice a week, I volunteer at a charity twice a week and have a long weekend to myself. Love it.

Wildflower922 · 08/04/2022 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2022 16:39

When I don't want sex any more (hasn't happened yet but could potentially) there's no way on Earth I'd want a man. They mostly pale in comparison to my female friends in every single way. As for ever living with one again, no thanks.

Moonface123 · 08/04/2022 16:57

Never say never, but l have been on my own many years now and its just not a priority for me. To be honest l am lucky l have experianced a happy 20 yr marriage and another healthy relationship before that, but now in my early 50's widowed nine years, have had a few brief relationships since that l kept well in tne background, but have no real desire at the moment to meet anyone. l am finding the freedom and space l have now for myself as my sons are becoming alot more independant is my priority.
"Its my turn" like Diana Ross sings about, " this times just for me".
You can create a beautiful way of life on your own, l dont feel as though l am lacking, maybe its to do with the stage of my life, l have already had a husband, been a wife ,
Raised my family, this is another chapter for me and l am very content.

TerraNovaTwo · 08/04/2022 17:03

I'm not sure about the rest of my life, but certainly for years to come.

The pivotal moment for me was when I sobbed violently into my pillow over a covert narcissist. I took weeks, if not months to get over him.