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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He keeps flirting with me

63 replies

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 19:31

There is a director at work. I have noticed he will always look at me if I or he goes past or he stares from afar. He is in his late 40s, good looking and very confident and outgoing talking to people. Lately when he has said hello to me he quietens his voice and looks coy when he says it. Yesterday he quietly said how are you 'bab'? which no-one else would have heard. I was a bit surprised he said 'bab' as we don't really know each other. I asked how he was and he said he was ok. When he says hello he does this face as though he wants you to know he fancies me.

Today he came up to my desk and stood by me till I looked. He shortened my name, so he does know my name which my name isn't long anyway. He made some 'joke' with his colleagues just so he could speak to me. He does not shorten anyone else's name even though those people have their name shortened by others.

The thing is he is married with a young family. Whilst I do fancy him I would not act upon anything as I want a serious relationship. I also find it disrespectful he is flirting behind his wife's back and don't get why he isn't focusing on his marriage. It has got me down as I am in my 30s as I want to meet someone like him but who is single. How shall I act around him at work as when he interacts he gets me flustered and that stresses me out too and I hope he doesn't sense this.

OP posts:
DebtheSander · 06/04/2022 19:34

He’s looking for a workplace shag buddy. You’re not. Keep your interactions with him polite and professional.

SweetSakura · 06/04/2022 19:34

How to interact- polite, businesslike, professional. No encouraging it.

Onthedunes · 06/04/2022 19:45

If you're serious about keeping him at bay, record his conversations with you.

Some men with power can get annoyed when they don't get what they want.

Much easier to sue if you get dismissed.
He knows exactly what he's doing.

baileys6904 · 06/04/2022 19:51

Sorry, wheres the flirting??

Are you sure you're not digging for signs? So far all I've read is he shortened ur name and called you bab ( a common term of non meaningful endearment).

Even if he rips of his clothes screaming ' come get it gorgeous bab', you don't have to do anything. Pretty sure it won't come to that and I'd suggest stop projecting your own feelings into a situation which I think you may have just read too much into

Bodgerbarbara · 06/04/2022 20:16

Fairly large amount of headspace over what is essentially another sleaze looking for either a an ego boost or b a bit on the side. He has kids. Don’t be daydreaming about it.

BakedTattie · 06/04/2022 20:18

Bab?!

Bellyups · 06/04/2022 20:24

You sure he’s flirting?

DatingDinosaur · 06/04/2022 20:31

Out of interest, did you only start to fancy him once you’d picked up on his sleazy flirty tone and body language?

SweetSakura · 06/04/2022 20:35

Even if he rips of his clothes screaming ' come get it gorgeous bab', you don't have to do anything.

Exactly.

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 20:37

@Onthedunes

If you're serious about keeping him at bay, record his conversations with you.

Some men with power can get annoyed when they don't get what they want.

Much easier to sue if you get dismissed.
He knows exactly what he's doing.

My 6 months probation finishes in 3 weeks time. My supervisor has said I will pass and become permanent so luckily he can't try and get rid of me as we are not in the same department/directorate.
OP posts:
Crazykefir · 06/04/2022 20:45

Are you in the West Midlands? I call a lot of people, babe love darling Blush I must be a right perv.
However if you think he's flirting he probably is. Just ask him about his wife and kids when he flirts with you. Easter eggs, school holidays this list is endless.

scoobydoo1971 · 06/04/2022 20:46

"It has got me down as I am in my 30s as I want to meet someone like him but who is single"...you don't want a clone of him. Totally unprofessional, using his power as the boss over the workplace in a not appropriate way and perhaps your colleagues notice that too. These men pick a target, and when they bore of them...they move on to another mid-life crisis remedy. I have had friends fall for this in their youth and it always ended badly...broken hearts and P45 slips. Feel sorry for his wife and don't wish to become her with a similar man. It is the recipe for years of mistrust and misery. Older married man looking to rub his ego and other parts on younger woman over which he has professional power...eww yuck and cliche all rolled into one non-bargain of the century.

merryhouse · 06/04/2022 20:46

Hmmm.

Nobody has ever called me bab. I've not heard it used between my acquaintance. I wouldn't think it a common term at all.

I don't know why posters appear to be falling over each other to tell the OP she must be mistaken - married men in positions of seniority attempting to get their junior colleagues to have an affair is so common it's a cliché.

I echo the more helpful posters - polite and professional.

If it goes on you could try pretending to be deaf and asking him to repeat what he said, but that is quite risky.

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 20:48

@crazykefir Yeah, West Midlands! I think it's cos he called me bab but called everyone else by their name even though he knows my name.

OP posts:
Knutface · 06/04/2022 20:54

I noticed that ‘bab’ is used a lot in Leicester. Haven’t heard it anywhere else. And yes, he sounds like another arsehole looking for sex.

Crazykefir · 06/04/2022 20:55

Look up limerance and consider why your attracted to an unavailable man. He's married no happiness there for you.

notsureanymore99 · 06/04/2022 21:04

Yep another sleaze. I’ve encountered countless of them in the workplace. Just stay away and keep it professional. As soon as another younger woman starts, he’ll move onto her guaranteed.

AnyFucker · 06/04/2022 21:06

You are in your 30 ‘s ???

velvetpeach · 06/04/2022 21:08

That's not flirting though......

Kite22 · 06/04/2022 21:08

@baileys6904

Sorry, wheres the flirting??

Are you sure you're not digging for signs? So far all I've read is he shortened ur name and called you bab ( a common term of non meaningful endearment).

Even if he rips of his clothes screaming ' come get it gorgeous bab', you don't have to do anything. Pretty sure it won't come to that and I'd suggest stop projecting your own feelings into a situation which I think you may have just read too much into

This ^

Nobody has ever called me bab. I've not heard it used between my acquaintance. I wouldn't think it a common term at all.

It's geographical. 'Bab' is a common term here in the Midlands, like 'chuck' or 'me duck' or 'sonny' or 'love' or 'mate' or 'sport' are in other parts of the country / world

HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 21:08

Your judgement seems somewhat... off. You write as though you're actually flattered by his attention when you should be disgusted. He is the living, breathing poster child for everything you shouldn't want in a man.

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 21:09

@AnyFucker It's getting me down because I don't want attention off married men and that's all I have attracted at the moment (him) because I only go to work and have not gone out to meet single men.

OP posts:
velvetpeach · 06/04/2022 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

OuttaBabylon · 06/04/2022 21:14

Will there be an email about a skirt soon?

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 21:15

I have decided to avoid and limit my time in the presence of this man. Nothing good will come of it as he wants to boost his ego or get his leg over while his wife has no knowledge of this. I also want to stay in my job as I am good at what I do and will struggle to find a similar job.

OP posts:
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