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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He keeps flirting with me

63 replies

whitebunnies · 06/04/2022 19:31

There is a director at work. I have noticed he will always look at me if I or he goes past or he stares from afar. He is in his late 40s, good looking and very confident and outgoing talking to people. Lately when he has said hello to me he quietens his voice and looks coy when he says it. Yesterday he quietly said how are you 'bab'? which no-one else would have heard. I was a bit surprised he said 'bab' as we don't really know each other. I asked how he was and he said he was ok. When he says hello he does this face as though he wants you to know he fancies me.

Today he came up to my desk and stood by me till I looked. He shortened my name, so he does know my name which my name isn't long anyway. He made some 'joke' with his colleagues just so he could speak to me. He does not shorten anyone else's name even though those people have their name shortened by others.

The thing is he is married with a young family. Whilst I do fancy him I would not act upon anything as I want a serious relationship. I also find it disrespectful he is flirting behind his wife's back and don't get why he isn't focusing on his marriage. It has got me down as I am in my 30s as I want to meet someone like him but who is single. How shall I act around him at work as when he interacts he gets me flustered and that stresses me out too and I hope he doesn't sense this.

OP posts:
Eatprayrun · 07/04/2022 11:25

You fancy him so you might be reading too much into his behaviour, or he might be a lech. Can you reduce the amount of time you spend with him?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 07/04/2022 11:31

When he says hello he does this face as though he wants you to know he fancies me.

Does it look like this?
😜

Seriously, when he tries to make conversation, bring his wife and kids into it. Every time.
"How are you bab?" "I'm good thanks Bill, how's the family?"
"Did you watch the last episode of Peaky Blinders, bab?" "Yes I did thanks, what did you and your wife make of it?"
"How was your weekend, bab?" "Great thanks! Did you and your wife enjoy it?"

He'll get the message (hopefully fairly quickly if he's at director level) and move onto someone else.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 12:23

[quote whitebunnies]@Rainbowqueeen I am going to keep busy and not give this a second thought. It's just hard because if he is coming up to my desk I can't exactly be rude. I do speak to other colleagues but will make more effort with them. I have not had a male colleague trying to be manipulative before as most are respectful.[/quote]
keep it polite but formal, you're only heading for disaster otherwise

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2022 12:23

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

When he says hello he does this face as though he wants you to know he fancies me.

Does it look like this?
😜

Seriously, when he tries to make conversation, bring his wife and kids into it. Every time.
"How are you bab?" "I'm good thanks Bill, how's the family?"
"Did you watch the last episode of Peaky Blinders, bab?" "Yes I did thanks, what did you and your wife make of it?"
"How was your weekend, bab?" "Great thanks! Did you and your wife enjoy it?"

He'll get the message (hopefully fairly quickly if he's at director level) and move onto someone else.

bahahaha yes, this is good advice
Crazykefir · 07/04/2022 15:33

He may not know your name? That's why he calls you bab. It's also standard player vocab, wouldn't want to mix up the side pieces now.

Herejustforthisone · 07/04/2022 15:42

I’m imagining Don Draper with a Dudley accent. 🤭

whitebunnies · 07/04/2022 15:53

@Crazykefir

He may not know your name? That's why he calls you bab. It's also standard player vocab, wouldn't want to mix up the side pieces now.
He knows my name as he said it yesterday to me.
OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 08/04/2022 16:58

Ask him if enjoys gojng the Gym...tell him your boyfriends a Cage fighter and really enjoys going to. He'll back off quicker than shit off a shovel!

dumdumduuuummmmm · 08/04/2022 18:42

@baileys6904

Sorry, wheres the flirting??

Are you sure you're not digging for signs? So far all I've read is he shortened ur name and called you bab ( a common term of non meaningful endearment).

Even if he rips of his clothes screaming ' come get it gorgeous bab', you don't have to do anything. Pretty sure it won't come to that and I'd suggest stop projecting your own feelings into a situation which I think you may have just read too much into

It's pretty obvious that he's flirting. The lowered tone of voice. The staring. The sexy gaze the OP has mentioned. Why have you ignored all of this?
dumdumduuuummmmm · 08/04/2022 18:45

@Crazykefir

Look up limerance and consider why your attracted to an unavailable man. He's married no happiness there for you.
Oh please. NOTHING in the OP suggests limerance. She says he's good looking and she'd love to meet someone serious who was like (a non scumbag) version of him. That's not limerance. She hasn't said anything about constantly obsessing over him or that everything about his is perfect or that she could see them together
dipdye · 08/04/2022 18:47

Bap? Sure it wasn't Bap?

theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 08/04/2022 23:09

Sock puppet anyone

baileys6904 · 10/04/2022 20:51

@dumdumduuuummmmm cos I don't live in a shit Mills and Boon book and the op fancies the chap herself. Therefore will naturally have the tendency to read a narrative into any interaction they have.

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