How do I communicate this authentically and respectfully?

[Waterfordaston]

My lovely man of 6 months - I would like him to tell me he loves me more often and give me more reassurance. I’m quite an anxious over thinker in my attachment style and I’ve said to him I need him to say it to me a lot. He isn’t doing that, mainly I think because he’s a bit “well I’ve already said it so why do I need to keep saying it?” He is very loving and kind and does so much for me but for me the words are important and I’ve rather unhelpfully got it into my head that if he isn’t saying it then he isn’t thinking it. And then I think I might be wasting my time and he’s not that into me etc etc.

I’m hopeless at this and more than old enough to know better!

Like others have noted here, actions are better than words..."I love you" are easy throw away words if not supported by anything else. Look at his behaviour and conduct towards you. You also need to work on you. It is not a good thing to rely on the compliments and emotional declarations of others. Love yourself first and foremost, and then you will find relationships with other people more satisfying and less stressful.

My partner does say I love you unprompted but it certainly isn't every week! He shows me he loves me by hugs, cooking, getting me blankets when I'm cold, making me drinks. Buys food I love and little ways he thinks of me. Those acts make me feel loved and cared for. If he stopped those then something would be up for me. If you can find what he does for you to show his love then find comfort in those. But 6 months is very early on to be feeling like this.

Are you sure you are ready for this and are you sure he is the man for you? I found with my partner I never felt nervous or needy as it was just felt natural.

@scoobydoo1971

Like others have noted here, actions are better than words..."I love you" are easy throw away words if not supported by anything else. Look at his behaviour and conduct towards you. You also need to work on you. It is not a good thing to rely on the compliments and emotional declarations of others. Love yourself first and foremost, and then you will find relationships with other people more satisfying and less stressful.

But actions aren't better than words. If you're a person who needs both, then they're both vital, and there are many potential partners in the world who display love in both ways.

Dismissing a person's need for words minimises that person's need. It's true that words on their own can be untrue, but that doesn't mean that it's a weakness to correct if a person needs to hear heartfelt words. It's a perfectly normal, standard, average thing to need, and not a need that should have to be 'corrected' in order for the person to have a healthy relationship.

My exh used to call me the "love of his life". He even said it in the early days of the affair that eventually broke us up. At which point he claimed that he'd never loved me and I'd "made" him marry him and have children.

I then had a lovebomber who created an amazing romantic vibe, but I guessed from the start that it was all nonsense (and didn't care, it was just a fling).

Now with a guy who's kind and thoughtful to me, enjoys spending time with me (he suggests things to do together, and has fun) and evidently fancies me. But he doesn't do love talk. Let's say that he doesn't love me, and is just kind and thoughtful, enjoys spending time with me and fancies me. What exactly does that "he doesn't love me" mean, in practice? :)

I'm in the "actionas are better than words" camp. Neither DP nor I do love talk and when we attempt it, it feels incredibly awkward for both of us. But we make each other feel loved most of the time in other ways - I don't need to hear the words because I already know he loves me.

But I can't relate to that need anyway - if it's such a deep-seated need you may not be compatible. If I was in a relationship with a man who needed to be told "I love you", I'd consciously try to do it more, but it would still feel awkward, and if I couldn't do it enough or in the right way I'd end up feeling smothered, and crucially I wouldn't feel loved for who I actually am.