I'm the most boring person ever

[wingingit33]

I literally have no interests. At all. My husband and I have nothing in common I'm amazed we've lasted a decade. But it's not so much the lack of anything in common, I lack interest in everything. No - I'm not depressed!! I hate sport, nights out, I don't drink, hate cooking, not into music, rarely travel, no desire to learn a new language, instrument etc. My life is very dull - but I'm ok with that. Fine in fact. Is anyone else boring too? Dh and I don't do anything together but it's always been this way. In fact, he likes all the above which I dont. What am I missing?

(What do you get up early for?)

@MrsSkylerWhite I have a newborn, I'm up several times a night. Prior to baby, I've always got up at 5.30/6 for work

I think you are absolutely fine as you are @wingingit33 !!!
You don't need to have a schedule of activities. I've often thought that if I ever went on a quiz show on telly where they ask you what your hobbies and interests are, I wouldn't know what to say, lol! I'm a working mam with two kids and that takes up pretty much all my time. I do go to pilates once a week, but tbh I'm not really that bothered about it, and I only go to get out of the house. I run too, but again, that's just to get away. I think some people get hung up on having to always be doing stuff, and it's not necessary. I do like sort of boring things, things that other people might consider boring, but I'm proud of that!! And someone once told me it was very sexy

What did you and your husband talk about when you first got together? How did you 'bond'? You must have been able to talk to each other about something. Did you go out on dates?

@19Bears You run and do Pilates - you have just outlined two hobbies. I totally agree regarding not being constantly doing - that stresses me out - but doing nothing at all is different

@wingingit33

I have a newborn baby. Of course I'm shattered! But even before baby was born (no 3) I always went to bed early. And yes that's how my husband and I have been forever - ships in the night. He goes to bed after midnight and sleeps in, I go to bed early and get up early. No we rarely rarely do anything just two of us even pre pregnancy. Been together ten years and had two weekends away alone in that time, never had a honeymoon, always been extreme opposite of introvert/extrovert.

To me that sounds very strange indeed. However if you’re both happy with it I suppose horses for courses. It isn’t what most people would describe as a marriage though.

Your world is very insular OP.

You have a baby give it 4 years but you will have no choice but to do stuff. Stuff you hate.

Unless you are intending on bringing up an insular child but I expect your outgoing husband/dad will have other ideas.

If you are happy as you are that's cool. It is the exception on the whole most folk like to expand their world.

How I look at things is "what do I want to know before I die" because I have been close to much loss. But if there is nothing you want to know there is nothing you want to know.

I am a bit confused about your post, if you are happy being you what's the problem? How can we help?

[quote wingingit33]@MrsSkylerWhite I have a newborn, I'm up several times a night. Prior to baby, I've always got up at 5.30/6 for work [/quote]
What did you do before kids though? And before you met DH? I think people conflate being busy with having interests. I like reading and can spend hours doing that but it's not me being busy because I'm on the sofa doing it. That's still an interest though. I like cooking. And can spend hours reading recipes and making meals - definitely don't count that as 'busy'. But all these are interests.

Seems the bigger problem is your DH is unhappy with things and that's why you're questioning it. Doesn't matter what anyone here thinks - if he wants more from life or for his children I.e to be more curious, interested in seeing and learning more about the world, trying new things etc - then that's a conversation on compatibility.

The worry for you should be whether DH and you are growing in different ways as your lives are so separate. So ask yourself, if it wasn't for your kids, what do you have in common anymore.

I had a long term partner that kept the same hours as you and I'm same as your DH.
I felt lonely and bored out of my mind.
It might work for you. After 13 years of this I threw the towel in on the relationship.
I had 2 young DC's from my previous marriage and a full time job. But had to have me time whilst wishing it was us time.

OP- completely sympathise- I'm also very boring but I think the difference is I'm quite worried about it.
Atm my job is all consuming- DH takes care of most of home stuff. Now we've only got one dc left at home who is an adult I'm seeing into the future when I won't have work and it scares me. As much as I am v happy with the early nights and no hobbies I do wonder how ill feel in 10 years.
I just don't know what to do about it - like how do you find your hobby or interest?

Do you and your DH never take the DC out together? That seems very sad for them if so.

I am an introvert and when my son moved out I realised I had been gradually withdrawing from the world and all my interests were solo ones. I've made a lot of effort over the last few months to get out of my flat more and build new friendships. I'll never be an enthusiastic socialiser but I do require some ocassional human interaction and I have found if I don't practise those skills, they go very rusty and I find myself avoiding people even to the extent of (for example) not making doctors appointments. It's like a slow creep of isolation.

wingingit33

@MrsSkylerWhite I have a newborn, I'm up several times a night. Prior to baby, I've always got up at 5.30/6 for work“

I used to value and hour or two with my husband alone in the evenings when ours were tiny. If your husband is spending his evenings alone, maybe you could adapt your timetable just a bit?

Of course you shouldn't feel like you are obliged to have a hobby / interest. I think it matters more when you are older. That may be a long way off yet, but seeing the older people that I know, the ones who are healthier and happier in old age tend to have interests. When you no longer have children to worry about, and then when you no longer have work, your world can suddenly feel very empty. As you get older, if you don't enjoy good health your world gets much smaller. That's when interests have a huge benefit - whether it's a craft you do at home, or gardening, or meeting with a book club - it's good mentally and physically.

It's a shame that you don't do much with your husband. It's healthy to have separate hobbies, but also you are married and it seems sad that you don't seem to enjoy each others' company. Sorry if I've read that wrong.

I don't have a hobby and I don't know anyone who does. My friends, family and I seem to fill our lives quite happily with work, going out socialising with each other, the odd day out and doing something close to nothing at home. Some people tinker around half heartedly with guitars or cars, some go to the gym, or like going for walks weather permitting. But none of us could fill the hobbies and interests section of a CV without calling walking 'hiking', our yearly all inclusive 'travel' and mowing the lawn 'gardening'.

I think it's normal to not have much going on for yourself when you have young children, especially a baby. Childcare is relentless and shattering as is running a house. Of course you can still do things; baby groups, park trips etc. I'm in a similar stage with my kids and my time is mostly taken up with kids activities. I do lots but not necessarily things I enjoy for myself.

My youngest starts school this year though and I'm already planning how to fill my non-working days. I'm not talking about structured activities but things like sorting out the house and doing a bit of drawing again.

Being a home body is fine but It sounds like you and your husband are living like house mates. Maybe you need to try and do a few things with him just to help maintain your relationship? It doesn't sound like you hate going out just that you're not particularly bothered?