Rubbish sex life

[Fedupmama09]

Hello everyone!
Not sure where to start but here goes… my partner is rubbish at sex, literally 3/4 thrusts and he’s done. We’ve been together almost 10 years, in the beginning I thought it was nerves (he gets very upset about his “size”) as the years have gone on it hasn’t improved just got worse. He won’t do foreplay because he thinks it’s boring and he gets arm ache, won’t do oral because he thinks it’s gross (although he expects it 🤔) in all the time we’ve been together he has never made me finish, through sex or the bits of foreplay I’ve been given… I have tried spicing things up a bit by wearing sexy outfits, new positions etc and I’ve talked to him about it but he said he’s too ashamed to go to the doctors and the tips I found online about squeezing or thinking about other things he tried once and said he couldn’t be bothered with it and just wanted to finish.
I really love him but I don’t see the point in getting undressed to get dressed again less then 5mins later. I dread him say “come bend over” it’s so mundane and sometimes painful because I’m dry as a desert down there! Is anyone else’s partner like this??
Sorry for the long rant, just fed up

He's selfish and not interested in your pleasure at all.

That sounds truly awful Op. Doesn’t sound like her cares much about you and your feelings?

What is it you like about him?

*he

Is that really how he starts it - come bend over?

That is awful - have you spoken or communicated to him. Because it sounds like he doesnt care and just sees you as a means to an end

He’s treating you like a blowup doll. May be buy him one?

You don’t have to allow this. It’s abusive and he clearly utterly lacks any respect for you.

Why do you want him to go to the doctor's? Do you think there is a medical cure for being a self-centred unimaginative douchebag?

Jesus Christ, why would you put up with 10 years of that, whyyyyyyyyy? Anyone that selfish and shit in bed should get binned off immediately. You don't mention DC so just dump him and get out! You can't live this way for the rest of your life. Selfish and shit in bed is selfish and shit in life.

Why does his arm ache during foreplay on you? 🤔
Painful sex? I would suggest lubricant- and lots of it- under different circumstances, but frankly with this charmer, I wouldn't even bother.
I personally would get rid.

Life's too short for this shit honestly . He doesn't give a shit about you and doesn't respect you. He's just lazy and can't be arsed to even try . What on earth do you get out of this relationship ?

This is awful for you. Surely one of the main pleasures of sex is to see your partner turned on, and to do what drives them wild. That's where the excitement is! Otherwise you might as well sort yourself out and that's it. He must realise this is unacceptable. Time to move on.

You don't have to have sex with him.

Oh gross. My bits dried up just reading about this selfish prick. He can’t be bothered to give you any pleasure - and you’re with him for 10 years?!

I always say you get the sex life you accept. If you allow him to use you as a vessel for his own pleasure without anything in return that’s on you.

Not sure you can fix someone this utterly self absorbed tbh.

And you're still having sex with him because....???

Stop having sex with him.

Go on strike.

Then he'll want to talk and you can tell him, we've done it your way 10 years, now it is my turn, for the next ten we do what I want instead!

We do have one child. I did put on 35lb ish over a couple of years and thought maybe that was why he was more interested in porn then me, recently lost 16lb but it doesn’t seem to be making much difference 🤷🏻‍♀️ We get on really well, we have loads in common, he makes me laugh and I do find him attractive… apart from his laziness around the house in general and the bedroom we have quite a good relationship. It’s just the sex side of things that bother me the most, I used to have a high sex drive and was quite adventurous but when we got together he wasn’t in to anything other then missionary and the odd doggy style because he preferred “to make love” not sure where that has gone!

I'm deeply shocked to hear that he's also shit around the house

Honest question, what are you hoping to get from this thread?

I cannot comprehend why you've continued this relationship. He's lazy both in and out of the bedroom? You've never had an orgasm with him? What a waste of 10 years.

apart from his laziness around the house in general and the bedroom we have quite a good relationship

How can that be a good relationship if he doesnt do anything to make your life easier or better or put you first. That isnt a relationship - because that involves taking into consideration each parties needs and wants and sharing the load.

Are you that afraid of being alone that you put up with this level of humiliation? Let me guess you " love him"

Ugh, sounds exactly like my ex. Except he would thrust for about 10 timed and did give oral but he was horrible at that too. Even when I told him that I needed foreplay or what turned me on, nothing ever changed. Dealt with it for many years, anytime I thought he would want sex I got anxious and ill. I'm thrilled I don't have to deal with him anymore.

I think if most men aren't good at sex by the time they are 30 then there's not much hope. Unfortunately in your case he's the father of your child so I know it's not easy to leave.

Why did you go back for a second time? 10 years. Jesus.

Any woman who is reading this and is in a fairly new relationship where the sex is shit: end it now. It does not get better, it does not get more tolerable, gritting your teeth for the sake of the relationship kills your soul inch by inch, and it only gets harder to leave. If he doesn't at least try on the first opportunity, he does not get a second audition.

When you say you “find him attractive” what exactly do you mean by that?

Shit in bed and lazy around the house?
He must be some fuckin comedian to keep you laughing!
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