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Original poster

Rubbish sex life

66 replies

Fedupmama09 · 31/03/2022 21:36

Hello everyone!
Not sure where to start but here goes… my partner is rubbish at sex, literally 3/4 thrusts and he’s done. We’ve been together almost 10 years, in the beginning I thought it was nerves (he gets very upset about his “size”) as the years have gone on it hasn’t improved just got worse. He won’t do foreplay because he thinks it’s boring and he gets arm ache, won’t do oral because he thinks it’s gross (although he expects it 🤔) in all the time we’ve been together he has never made me finish, through sex or the bits of foreplay I’ve been given… I have tried spicing things up a bit by wearing sexy outfits, new positions etc and I’ve talked to him about it but he said he’s too ashamed to go to the doctors and the tips I found online about squeezing or thinking about other things he tried once and said he couldn’t be bothered with it and just wanted to finish.
I really love him but I don’t see the point in getting undressed to get dressed again less then 5mins later. I dread him say “come bend over” it’s so mundane and sometimes painful because I’m dry as a desert down there! Is anyone else’s partner like this??
Sorry for the long rant, just fed up Sad

OP posts:
Cockenspiel · 31/03/2022 23:01

He’s basically an adult toddler.

You do all the grown up stuff and he sits around with his aching arm, watching porn, with his feeble cock in hand, asking you to bend over (like a sex doll). But he makes you laugh so that’s ok.Hmm

Seriously OP, what is in it for you!?

GregBrawlsInDogJail · 31/03/2022 23:05

I don't know how you can even look at him after ten years of "'come bend over" and three thrusts. DH is great both around the house and in bed, and he still gets right on my tits sometimes.

Hertsgirl10 · 31/03/2022 23:36

Why bother?
I would say it’s not worth it for me and if he says it’s unfair say neither is you not putting in any effort or wanting to even try to put effort in.
Tell him it’s a sexless marriage from now, better than a painful boring sex life.

SunflowerTed · 31/03/2022 23:40

Bin him

RiverSkater · 31/03/2022 23:45

He's got it made, no effort to do his share in the house and a woman he can thrust into and ejaculate into when he feels horny.

What a catch.

Dancer47 · 01/04/2022 05:19

Hello Fedupmama.

Firstly, I'm sorry for what you are having to put up with - absolutely terrible, honestly.
I could write an essay here, but honestly, I wonder if your partner is actually gay? Your physical description of the sex, his attitude to sex with you, his behaviour to you in general points to that.

I have known hundreds of gay men in my life who were married or living with a woman and had children with them before they "came out" - it's not that rare.

I don't want to ask you any outing questions, but am just putting this out there for you to think about. He uses pornography. Does he also use online sites to meet people? Would you know if he was doing that?

Regardless, this is a terrible, destructive relationship for you - dreadful. There has to be a better life for you without him. Your self-worth will be on the floor putting up with this. I'm afraid you love someone who does not exist. He is a horrible man to treat you this way. Flowers

Wiredforsound · 01/04/2022 05:24

You’ve put up with truly awful sex for TEN YEARS? Oh good lord no.

needingpeace · 01/04/2022 05:29

How awful. No wonder you’re unhappy. You’ve had crap sex for 10 years!!!!

Monty27 · 01/04/2022 05:33

You have sex with this person, why?

Marvellousmadness · 01/04/2022 05:55

Op:you ONLY have 1 life
Do you really wanna spend that with this man....?? Eek.

Frollop · 01/04/2022 06:02

It sounds like you need him to understand your needs and want to fulfil them but he does not seem to care about your needs at all which is sad and selfish.
If he's not willing to satisfy you then why satisfy him? He has taken you for granted for years. This is why some people find a lover or leave.

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2022 06:04

He’s lazy in the house so you probably do all the housework and childcare; also lazy in bed- doesn’t even care if you cum. Why bother to continue having sex with him when he doesn’t care at all that sex should be pleasurable for both people? He’s treating you like a fleshlight and it’s very very selfish thoughtless behaviour which I expect spills over into the rest of his interactions with you as well but you’ve normalised for so long that you don’t even notice anymore

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 01/04/2022 06:08

This sounds awful OP. "Come bend over".....just horrible.
I wish I had some words of wisdom, but from your description of him, I don't think he's going to want to change.
I think you need to consider if you can put up with this for the rest of your life, or need to end the relationship.

sjxoxo · 01/04/2022 07:21

If he’s not good in bed, not good around the house etc I’d be interested to know what he is good at & what it is you find attractive? These are two main areas that youve just written off! If he’s good at spending time with you doing other activities (you say you have loads in common) then this could be a good friend no?? I can’t believe you really love him from your post.. the impression that I get tbh is that you have a really low bar set for your relationship.. not easy when you have a child together I know but at the very least you need to stop having sex with him until something changes; and either he needs to contribute to your household upkeep or pay for a cleaner. There’s nothing sexy about looking after a man child! Why does he think this is acceptable behaviour.. I wonder what his parents relationship was- I expect dysfunctional and very old fashioned. I don’t agree with the pp who suggests he might be gay- I find that a bit of a leap personally! Whatever the reasons, you shouldn’t continue down this path- insist on change or I expect long term this relationship will break down. Good luck xxxx

Stabbitystabstab · 01/04/2022 07:40

Leave.
It won't ever improve
I'm not big on ltb, but I would NEVER put up with this kind of sex again, I've been there

Original poster
Fedupmama09 · 01/04/2022 08:21

His parents relationship was a strange one (obviously I won’t go in to details because it’s not my story) but I had to put my foot down and say his father isn’t allowed in the house, he made some sexual comments towards me which I put down to him been drunk the first time but the second time it happened he was very vulgar. So his parents are quite odd. I don’t have any irl friends so it feels good to be able to come on here and get it all off my chest as I’ve no one else to talk to about it. I think it probably is because I came from a broken family and I don’t want to put my child through what I went through but at the same time I don’t think I can do it for much longer if he doesn’t change, which he’s making no effort to do!

OP posts:
IfNotNowWhen287 · 01/04/2022 09:34

Can you not get him to use your vibe or some other toys with during foreplay??

Dancer47 · 01/04/2022 10:06

OP "He won’t do oral because he thinks it’s gross "
.............said no straight man ever.

Teaforme123 · 01/04/2022 10:09

It's time for very strong words. He steps up in the bedroom AND around the house, or you leave.

Frims · 01/04/2022 10:51

Some people just have no interest in sex, it's as simple as that. He sounds like he's one of them. However, if you are just saying yes every time he wants a quickie then I can see why he doesn't bother putting in any effort.

I think you have to accept this and deal with it or get yourself a friend with benefits.

Notanotherchange · 01/04/2022 11:23

why are you with this man? lazy in the house and in bed..how can this make you happy? Realise your own self worth and move on..

AnastasiaRomanov · 01/04/2022 11:27

I wouldn’t ever have sex with him again. Honestly don’t know what you see in him. He sounds awful.

Glitteringduck · 01/04/2022 17:12

Sounds like you're getting nothing from sex on your part. I dated someone like that for a SHORT period before I met my dh. He was extremely selfish in bed and couldn't care less if I came or not which was never. My dh of 9 years still won't finish unless I have Wink (sorry to brag)

Invest in a good toy and tell your selfish dh to open the web browser when he fancies some.

Chonfox · 01/04/2022 17:14

Yuck, between his laziness inside the bed and out and his weirdo family I can't see any redeeming features worth sticking around for? Get rid OP.

Flerp · 01/04/2022 17:24

Before the dump the horrible man train goes any further, have you had a genuine, heart to heart conversation about your dissatisfaction OP? I really can't emphasise enough that men do not just get what you're feeling, nor should they be expected to if you've never worked it through with him.

Objectively that doesn't sound good, but it sounds like there's a lot more going on there between the two of you than a binary this man is awful that MN often descends into.

If you've had the talk and a change is not forthcoming, then depending on what your set up is some joint work together in a talli g therapy with Relate may be beneficial before you think about next steps.

Good luck

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