Rubbish sex life

[Fedupmama09]

Hello everyone!
Not sure where to start but here goes… my partner is rubbish at sex, literally 3/4 thrusts and he’s done. We’ve been together almost 10 years, in the beginning I thought it was nerves (he gets very upset about his “size”) as the years have gone on it hasn’t improved just got worse. He won’t do foreplay because he thinks it’s boring and he gets arm ache, won’t do oral because he thinks it’s gross (although he expects it 🤔) in all the time we’ve been together he has never made me finish, through sex or the bits of foreplay I’ve been given… I have tried spicing things up a bit by wearing sexy outfits, new positions etc and I’ve talked to him about it but he said he’s too ashamed to go to the doctors and the tips I found online about squeezing or thinking about other things he tried once and said he couldn’t be bothered with it and just wanted to finish.
I really love him but I don’t see the point in getting undressed to get dressed again less then 5mins later. I dread him say “come bend over” it’s so mundane and sometimes painful because I’m dry as a desert down there! Is anyone else’s partner like this??
Sorry for the long rant, just fed up

OP, you say you love him so much, I'm sure you think you do but do you think he loves you? If you think he does, do you feel it? How does he make you feel loved? Not engaging in foreplay because it's boring, not going down on you but expecting you to go down on him, not helping in the house, expecting you to have sex with him when you don't come.... these are not the actions of a man who loves his partner. They're the actions of a lazy, selfish man OP. Would you want your son to treat his wife like that? Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship like yours?

He starts with "Come bend over"
He thinks going down on you is gross.
He also doesn't appear to use his hands on you either.
He has never made you come.
He is a 3 pump wonder.
He does nothing around the house.
He won't visit a Dr or try any techniques to improve his lack of sexual ability.
He doesn't give a shit about whether it's uncomfortable for you or whether you enjoy it. He is basically using you a sperm receptacle.

This is your one and only life. Good sex is amazing and you deserve to experience it.
Get rid of this utterly selfish, horrible cunt. You deserve someone who makes you feel like a goddess in bed and he's never ever going to do that.

Ime you need to Ltb. Before your self worth is as limp as his penis...

Wow ten years @Fedupmama09

Please do leave, life's too short.

He's using you as a wank sock?

Why are you agreeing to this? What happens if you say no? He knows you are not enjoying it and are not coming from it, that's borderline rapey in my eyes.

Bin him

What the hell do you see in this “man” ?!

I think you need to have a really open and honest conversation with him regarding your sex life - and there are ways to do this without making him feel like shit.

It's important that you are satisfied too and he should be more than willing to do this.

Also - if he won't do oral for you, I'd definitely cut out oral for him!

Sex is for mutual pleasure. Don't do it with someone if they aren't interested in your pleasure. This guy isn't even interested in your comfort. I'm guessing that he is the sort to also have some pretty misogynistic views about women because he treats even you, the woman he is supposed to love, like a wank sock.

My ex was like that. That's why he's now an ex. I now have fabulous sex.

I've known quite a few straight men that hate oral. One guy said it gave him a sore throat.

OP, it sounds like you've done a lot of talking. My current DP has performance anxiety but he's still prepared to have fun and we have an amazing time together in the bedroom. After 10 years it's not really a good excuse.

I agree with @Quartz2208 it's a disgusting phrase OP.

Perhaps you could show him take charge OP? You need to be firmer there's no way I would be doing any type of oral for him.

@Pinkbonbon

Sex is for mutual pleasure. Don't do it with someone if they aren't interested in your pleasure. This guy isn't even interested in your comfort. I'm guessing that he is the sort to also have some pretty misogynistic views about women because he treats even you, the woman he is supposed to love, like a wank sock.

There are so many depictions of sex on TV that represent sex like this. Men pumping away . No foreplay. The woman may as well be a blow up doll. The emphasis is all on thrusting. I watched a film like this recently. Woman bent over and just rammed repeatedly. This is supposed to be pleasurable… to the man. The whole thing lasts until he ejaculates and then it’s over. No wonder so many men and women too think this this is the way it’s meant to be.

What a total wanker. It's not hard to have mutually satisfying sex. He needs to put some effort in or as others have said, get him a blow up doll and leave him to it.

@AnastasiaRomanov

Funny that you nention it because this gas been really annoying me lately.

I actually dropped the last bf largely because he just didn't seem to understand (though ignorance or choice I do not know as he was generous outwith the bedroom) that women need foreplay.

And since the I'm very aware of the way sex seems to be predicted on pretty much all TV. It irks me no end.

That being said, when I have a partner, I want to explore and to find what makes them feel good. Half the enjoyment is their pleasure and that pleasure needs to be found, together, not just assumed. And I don't think people who feel differently about this, should be having sex at all tbh.

*portrayed on tv

Also orgies and multiple sex partners being normalised.