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Original poster

Ex has control of internet

71 replies

barbedwired · 30/03/2022 19:43

Ex no longer in house, weren't married no children. Own house as tenants in common. Trying to negotiate about house he's not cooperative.

He has full control of internet and the provider account, though I pay the bill by direct debit from our old joint bank account which is still running to pay mortgage.

He installed a very sophisticated internet router which he can control remotely. It runs everything in the house including heating etc. I've asked him to hand it over to me but he's not responding. I can't talk to the provider as the accounts in his name.

I know he's hanging onto this for control as he's already made a veiled threat that he could turn it all off and he could actually see what we are looking at online if he wants to.

Not really sure what to do, I can't just unplug the lot nothing would work and I have a young son to consider whose doing school work etc.

Really frustrated, not sure what to do , anyone?

OP posts:
sophienelisse · 30/03/2022 19:45

Get a new provider. Fuck that. If he's moved out he can move the internet to his new address and you can get your own.

BlackAndPinkNose · 30/03/2022 19:47

You can buy a PAYG mobile router and turn his off. He is an arse.

Thewheelsfalloffthebus · 30/03/2022 19:47

It’s in his name so he’s responsible for paying it. Could you give him notice that you will be turning it off and you will no longer be paying for it and suggest he cancels the contract. Then turn off the router and box it up carefully. Set up your own internet connection - you could use 4G temporarily maybe if your phone company has a decent unlimited data plan and you have decent service where your house is located.

MartinMartinMarti · 30/03/2022 19:47

What an arsehole. I don’t have any experience but while you want for someone who does…

I’d unplug the lot and use mobile data, dongle ect while you get things sorted. You can’t possibly live like this.

Then I’d let the provider know that it’s being used to as a tool of domestic abuse (which this absolutely is), and cancel the DD. If they quibble refer them to the domestic abuse point. I’d hope that anyone with standing in this area (CAB, Womens Aid ect) would back you up.

IceVolcanoes · 30/03/2022 19:49

Honestly, just get your own internet instead. Stop paying his bill (in his name) and start your own account.

Melkam · 30/03/2022 19:49

If you have unlimited data on your phone contract just use your 4g signal as an internet/wifi hotspot. Its easy to do and he wont have control of you then. he sounds like a right arse.

Original poster
barbedwired · 30/03/2022 19:49

Not sure it's that simple it's the type you put in offices, I'll have to call someone specialist .

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 30/03/2022 19:50

If the bill is in your name, call the company up and ask them to talk you through how to change the settings etc.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 30/03/2022 19:50

Just turn the power off to it! Even if it’s somehow wireless it still needs plugged in!

AchillesPoirot · 30/03/2022 19:51

Just stop the dd. It’s his on him. Box the router up. Unplug it.

And get your own.

TracyMosby · 30/03/2022 19:53

Stop your payment and say the account owner no longer lives there. Give them his new address. Find a new provider

Steelesauce · 30/03/2022 19:53

My ex did this. I just found a new provider and swapped it all over. Job done!

TracyMosby · 30/03/2022 19:54

It's in his name. Cancel the dd. Unplug it.

ZealAndArdour · 30/03/2022 19:54

When you say your router controls the heating…do you just mean that you have a nest thermostat (or similar) which is connected through the WiFi?

Cancel the direct debit, if the account isn’t in your name it isn’t your problem if the account goes into arrears. Set up a new internet account in your name and your payment method. You will get a router from the internet provider anyway. Once your new wifi is set up, sort out how to connect your thermostat to a new WiFi network, once that is set up you can disconnect his router and put it in a box for him.

If he also owns the nest account go and buy a new nest thermostat and get a plumber round to install it for you so you can get rid of his and set your own up. Or alternatively just revert back to the thermostat that came with your boiler.

Make sure to do the same for any security cameras, ring doorbells or other home tech you might have such as smoke alarms.

IceVolcanoes · 30/03/2022 19:55

@barbedwired

Not sure it's that simple it's the type you put in offices, I'll have to call someone specialist .
It must be plugged in. Unplug it.

Organise your own broadband and have them send an engineer to install it if you don’t think it’ll be straightforward

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 30/03/2022 19:56

It's entirely simple. Unplug it from the mains. Even if it's got a battery backup it will eventually die. Unplug anything else into it.
Get a mobile Internet thingy. Don't give him any details.

DogDaysNeverEnd · 30/03/2022 19:56

What is connected to it? I don't think there is a "sophisticated" router except that some can have a greater range if you have a big house.

cherryonthecakes · 30/03/2022 19:57

As his name is on the contract, stop paying so he gets into trouble with the company for non-payment.

Is his name on the heating? If be concerned about him turning it up because you're paying.

Once the Internet is cut off, you'll be free to get the provider you want.

Honeyroar · 30/03/2022 19:58

Get a solicitor to write a letter telling him to give it up?

lunar1 · 30/03/2022 20:00

Cancel the direct debit with your bank. If your aren't able to set up a new on get someone to do it for you. When I moved I just needed everything done quickly so I got someone to put my TV's us for me and he connected my Wi-Fi and all associated devices like the heating and cctv etc.

Dearmariacountmein · 30/03/2022 20:01

Please don’t take this wrong way because I’m just trying to understand more to see if I or anyone can help.

Are you tech savvy?
Does your ex have some background in computing either as a hobby or through work?

The reason I ask is because, if it’s just the former and your just aren’t very tech savvy then we can talk you through what you need to do and help you work out how he is also controlling the heating.

If it’s the latter at all it may require you to get someone specialised in to review what he has implemented and advise who to completely remove it to ensure he has got other elements of control that wouldn’t be immediately obvious.

tempester28 · 30/03/2022 20:01

Have a look on the router - is there any password /admin password? Log on and change the password

Original poster
barbedwired · 30/03/2022 20:01

Here's a pic of it. I'm going g to have to bypass it with a new router. The heating account is in his name to. I can access that through his details.

He's so controlling

Ex has control of internet
OP posts:
BlueSummerBaby · 30/03/2022 20:02

Phone the bank and cancel the direct debit from the joint account. Get a new internet provider and pay for it from your own account.

Why do you still have a joint account? Either close it or remove his name from it, if he's not paying into it.

Original poster
barbedwired · 30/03/2022 20:02

Only he can change passwords

OP posts: