Ex has control of internet

[barbedwired]

Ex no longer in house, weren't married no children. Own house as tenants in common. Trying to negotiate about house he's not cooperative.

He has full control of internet and the provider account, though I pay the bill by direct debit from our old joint bank account which is still running to pay mortgage.

He installed a very sophisticated internet router which he can control remotely. It runs everything in the house including heating etc. I've asked him to hand it over to me but he's not responding. I can't talk to the provider as the accounts in his name.

I know he's hanging onto this for control as he's already made a veiled threat that he could turn it all off and he could actually see what we are looking at online if he wants to.

Not really sure what to do, I can't just unplug the lot nothing would work and I have a young son to consider whose doing school work etc.

Really frustrated, not sure what to do , anyone?

Just unplug the bloody thing. Take the power away from him. Then apply to a new provider.

You can reset it on the unit usually

The item you've photographed isn't a router - it's a sound system/stereo type device. My dad has one that's almost identical.

Your router should be plugged into the phone line somewhere.

I've just had another look.

The item in the top gap looks like a router - just take it out, remove the wires and turn it off. There'll be a power button on the side or just unplug the wire that connects it to the mains.

Then all you need to do is get a new broadband account with a new provider and they'll send you a brand new router that you can set up on your own.

As for the heating - ours is also app controlled but you can adjust it via the thermostat on the wall too.

I hope you manage to get shot of him!

Above the audio equipment are several Gigabit Ethernet switches. So yes, you probably have a reasonably sophisticated home automation system - the photo is either part of, or the whole of the rack. It looks like a small and straightforward system with a lower-end AV set up - the cables look very untidy and that means it was probably installed by your ex and not by a professional company.

The good news is that these setups are very common and straightforward. If you want everything to carry on working as before, then simply find your nearest home automation company or custom AV installation company (most companies do both), and ask them to link it all up to your new internet provider when you sort one out.

The router itself, the rack contents and all the rest of the equipment probably belong to you jointly, so do not just hand it over to your ex. They will form part of your divorce/splitting up agreement. It is worth noting that home automation equipment which controls heating and lighting (and some other controls) has the same status as a light switch or wired thermostat - that is, they are considered part of the house fixtures and fittings. If they are to be removed, then the original controls MUST be replaced.

No-one who uses any sort of home automation system would rely on a router provided by their Internet Service Provider, btw, so it is unlikely that it 'needs sending back' or anything.

The important thing to remember with a controlling partner is that knowledge is power. He is trying to control you by making you afraid in your own home, and the thing that makes you afraid is the unknown. Make a few phone calls tomorrow and take back control.

Ok can see photo when app installed...you have nice setup patch panel assuming with data points in different house location and srandard network switch. You can remove it and connect all devices to wifi. Any heating would be ok, and can be reset to remove his account. All what you need is new router ( simple so you can set it up) and provider details as mentioned before

@Haffiana that makes sense. Thanks.

Presumably you have (or rather he has) a lot of either network points in the house where he has things plugged in? So rather than a router broadcasting a network SSID, you have a network.

You've all been really helpful and I feel better now I've emailed him to take it all away. Fed up with the attempts to pull me back into line and scare me. I reckon he's remotely tampered with it recently as something doesn't work which has galvanised me into getting it changed.
I don't like being messed with. I don't like bullies.
Sometimes the best way to win is not to play. I know he believes I rely heavily on his amazing installation of internet software, well sod h that, as some of you techs have points out it's not that difficult!

Pointed

and I feel better now I've emailed him to take it all away.

Why are you still relying on him to act with kindness and decency? You’re no further forward than you were when you first started the thread if the only action that you plan to take is passively email him asking him to remove it at some point. You say you don’t like being messed with, but you’ve just sent him an email inviting him to come and do it again. You can sort this yourself by making a few phone calls.

Well done op. If it's all in his naMe including the bill I'd simply stop the direct debit and unplug the router. A new service doesn't take long to get and you can do your heating manually. If he does decide to turn it off in spite unplug it straight away, you can live without internet for a few days and sort your heating out manually

@ZealAndArdour for the record it shows I'm being reasonable and asking him to cooperate, I may need documentation later for a court.
I've given him seven days, then I can pull the plug.

What exactly is it op? Then we can tell you what to do

Just unplug it and then he can collect his property, you only need to keep his property and give him a chance to collect it, you don't have use it. It is probably joint property anyway.

You could get it delivered to him by courier if you didn't want him round the house

I agree with every word of newnamexyz's post.

This is coercive control/ economic abuse (economic abuse doesn't just mean controlling a person's finances, it means controlling their access to resources too).

If he's got your house rigged up on a 'smart' system like this and is otherwise controlling then you can bet your bottom dollar there is some kind of digital surveillance going on.

He may not be violent (or maybe he is?) but either way these are high risk behaviours that could escalate. Please call Women's Aid for advice, and ask to speak to someone who knows specifically about digital forms of abuse, smart technology, trackers, that kind of thing.

Best of luck OP.

@RodiganReed these days I don't connect my phone to the wifi. I have to be careful to not step outside any legal boundaries with anything as it will be used against me and I record everything I do.

Box it up so he doesn't have to come in. Inviting him into your house risks him leaving other surveillance devices and the cycle continuing.

Not using the wifi till all his tech is gone is a good idea. I'd make sure Bluetooth is switched off on your phone when home too. When H has music on the Bluetooth hooks it up to my phone too. I don't know if that's actually a way he can get in, but better safe and all that.

Unplug it all now, then you can just hand him the box. He doesn't need to come in the house again.