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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Mind games/control

82 replies

EmmaMarie18 · 30/03/2022 00:46

It's been about a week and a half since we had a stupid row which was his reasoning for going out and not coming home for entire weekend 🤯
So he's hardly spoken to me since and turned it around that he's annoyed with me texting his mother 'getting her involved' as I was worried he hadn't come home!
Today now he came home from work didn't speak again! I was popping to the shops and asked if we needed anything trying to be decent where he said something for our dinner..so off I trot to the shops..cook our food..then it's straight back to not speaking to me again! Is he taking the piss?!?!
I've now been laying in bed for the last 3 hours can't sleep and thinking everything over in my mind 😔
We have kids a mortgage and been together nearly 5 years but I feel so bloody miserable

OP posts:
SkiingIsHeaven · 02/04/2022 14:31

I did say that they don't like it when you go out and enjoy yourself and don't show them that they are affecting you.

Well done. I'm so pleased for you.

Amybelle88 · 02/04/2022 14:35

He told your daughter you were too grumpy and that's why you got nothing for your birthday?

Cruel bastard, he's took giving her mum a card and present away from her, as well as your birthday being spoilt for you.

Leave him. Fast. He's an arsehole.

springtimeishereagain · 02/04/2022 14:43

Op, he and his mum sounds toxic, and he's criticising you to your dd - that's awful, and really shit parenting.

You feel bad in this relationship. He's not meeting any of your needs. I'd end it. You will be so much happier away from the sulky man baby.

Original poster
EmmaMarie18 · 02/04/2022 14:47

@Amybelle88 yep 🤯 blows my mind he actually said it to her..her little face when she told me 😔
He's having a go about money now..he contributes bugger all apart from bills we have to pay he does nothing else
We've changed our little boys nursery and agreed we'd take it in turns each month to pay the fees..ive paid the lot for the last four months 🤬 no help from him!
He dont help with food shopping, clothes for our little one, packed lunch for school, christmas birthdays nothing
Infact reminds me I had the silent treatment on our little ones birthday because I had bought a birthday cake from a woman he didnt like..I paid for it but he kicked off and refused to speak to me!
The mans a dick

OP posts:
billy1966 · 02/04/2022 15:20

Please tell people how financially abusive he is.
Refusing to make any contribution towards his child.

Protecting men like him is part of the problem.

Tell everyone just how awful he is.

Tell his ex just how mean he is, family and friends.

Tell tge truth.
Flowers

Cockenspiel · 02/04/2022 15:50

Echoing PP’s here..

He’s a manchild and you already have 3 kids to look after.

Kick him out, begin your new happy and calm life away from his pathetic nonsense.

FrancescaContini · 02/04/2022 15:56

Very nasty behaviour.

LadyLolaRuben · 02/04/2022 15:58

This thread has made me cry. Your daughter's face telling you that you had no birthday card or present. As a PP said, he took that pleasure of gifting you from her.

You are all suffering and it sounds like you are running the show on your own anyway. This man contributes NOTHING to your lives and is making you ill. These are not memories you want for your children.

Well done on getting your strength together. Come on OP get your ducks in a row (be careful doing it) and get this bastard out of your lives there's a great future for you and your little ones out there, go and get it Flowers

sortmyselfout · 02/04/2022 16:06

He's proper nasty... It's going to be tough no doubt but this is so wrong and you have to get out the situation. My heart goes out to you. Sending you strength. Stay angry. You deserve so much better than this!! What a horrible vile person he is.

Original poster
EmmaMarie18 · 02/04/2022 16:26

I'm at the point I can't take anymore!

I'm getting through the weekend cos the kids are here..keeping myself busy then monday before he leaves for work he'll be told to pack some stuff to take to his lovely mams and he's not to come back 👋🏻👋🏻 he thinks im guna put up shut up..not anymore!!!!

Doors will be locked and keys in the locks so he can't get in

The more he acts like a knob the more head strong i get

OP posts:
dane8 · 02/04/2022 16:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
EmmaMarie18 · 02/04/2022 16:43

@dane8 cock lodger 😂😂😂 im weak laughing..and that's exactly what he is!!!

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 02/04/2022 17:07

What are the bets that he engineered engineered argument so that you'd be miserable on your birthday. His kind hate other people being the centre of attention or being happy. It's common for them to ruin your birthdays or holidays together.

movingon2022 · 02/04/2022 18:05

@Pinkbonbon

What are the bets that he engineered engineered argument so that you'd be miserable on your birthday. His kind hate other people being the centre of attention or being happy. It's common for them to ruin your birthdays or holidays together.
My ex used to do this too and I could never understand why, even now, why you would want to spoil your own holiday. But almost every time he would start a quarrel that would ruin it for me. Once he did it when my parents were visiting from far away. We went on a vacation with them and my sister’s family. It should have been amazing holiday. We rented a house in a beautiful area by the lake. Everyone was in a great mood except him. I do not remember, like I never do really, what we were quarreling about, but it was enough to through the whole thing off. Everyone felt that we were not on good terms, and I kept smiling like a puppet trying hard to fake it and filling in the void that he so obviously left for everyone to see. It was painful, I could not wait to go back home. It is one thing to ruin my holiday but my parents and my sister’s? What a psycho.
Marylou62 · 02/04/2022 18:10

@PunishmentSnart

Read the threads “Divorcing sulking husband” or along them lines - if anyone has a link, I am unsure how to do it.

There is a lot of good advice in them re emotional abuse

100% recommend this thread..It's been going on for 3 years and is full of amazing support for Mnetter Jamaisjedors who had her birthday ruined by a sulking 'D'H... I tell all my friends about this thread. I can't link either..sorry
Marylou62 · 02/04/2022 18:14

Screen shot of the thread.. About thread 5!?

Mind games/control
Mary46 · 02/04/2022 19:36

Op hope u ok. I agree he is hard work. My mother does silent treatment if she doesnt get her way. Its draining. These people dont change..

freeatlast2021 · 03/04/2022 07:48

It is interesting I just realized the links do not show up on the phone but they do on computer.

Original poster
EmmaMarie18 · 03/04/2022 10:43

Thank you I'll take a look at the threads now

My stomachs in absolute knots thinking about tomorrow 😳

OP posts:
billy1966 · 03/04/2022 12:15

Please call 101 and tell them about your plans.

That he is abusive and you are terrified.

That you want him out of the house and you are going to stick the keys i the door.

Do it TODAY, and ask for a marker to be put on your address.

Do not hesitate to ring them in the morning if he becomes even the slightest bit aggressive.

Ringing them will let him know you are serious and will not be bullied.

Please, please do this.

Original poster
EmmaMarie18 · 03/04/2022 12:33

@billy1966 you wouldn't believe if i told you where he works 🙈

It's the arrogance getting to me now i dont know who he thinks he is i really dont

OP posts:
SkiingIsHeaven · 03/04/2022 12:50

Good luck tomorrow.

KissedintheDark · 03/04/2022 17:57

Please don't tell him face to face, it's putting yourself in harms way and really dangerous for a woman.
Text him while he's out of the house and make it clear he is only to contact you via email from now on.

tell him to pick his bags up from his mothers/brother/friends/his work etc wherever is away from the house. And send his stuff in a taxi to one of the above.
Don't give him an excuse to come to the house, op.
And block his number.

Good luck.

movingon2022 · 03/04/2022 18:09

He is not a policemen is he? OMG! Angry

You know OP what the last straw for me was? New Years Eve of 2020, we were staying home alone, all kids had some plans. My now ex, was listening to some music, carrying his speaker, literally all over the house, as he was preparing something in the kitchen, taking shower in the the bathroom, having coffee in the living room (he often did this and it drove me nuts). All I said was, "do you really have to listen to music every single moment of any day.?", and believe me I said it in the nicest way possible because I did not want to upset him to ruin the evening. He got so upset over this that he did not speak to me the entire night, entire New Years Eve night!!!! we spent not talking, eating and drinking and watching TV. I dared not go to bed. This would have caused bigger incident but stayed with him and at midnight we managed to kiss (this makes me sick now). When I went to bed I promised myself that 2020 is going to be the year when I will turn my life around.

I was afraid of my ex, not sure why because he is not a violent person. Never yelled, screamed, called me names or hit me, but I was afraid. I guess I was afraid of his moods, silent treatment was number one method of "disciplining" me and I hated it. It did not bother me as much but I hated for the kids to see it.