Need answers

[Tom70]

Help needed I am struggling, I have been with my wife for just over 20 years married for the last 10. Very happy with 2 young boys that was until last Saturday.
My wife is on the board of Governors at my sons primary school a school friend of mine is the head of the board. I encouraged my wife to take on the role as it would give her an interest away from home and work. All been ok until late January when I went to the local races with my wife and we bumped into a group of my school mates including the head of Governors. Most of them I hadn't seen since I left school, I and my wife had a bit more to drink than usual and we all ended up in a local bar. I was more drunk than normal and quite chilled didn't pay attention to everything that happened. But the next day I remembered seeing the head of Governors sat with his hand stroking my wives shoulder. I also recall my wife been missing for part of the night but cant remember everything. I tackled my wife about it and see assured me it was nothing and I was over reacting. So I forgot about and life went on.
We went to the races again on Saturday meet the same group had a few drinks but this time I was paying attention. The following happened, the took of to the Gin bar together so he could buy her a drink. They walked back into town from the races together and at one point checked to see where I was and deliberately moved to walk behind me rather rather than in front. Then finally in the same bar they got sat together again and he was stroking her thigh under the table.
She did try to push him away a couple of times, not sure if it was in case I could see or not, but she did go to the toilet and came back and sat in the same place. I didn't challenge them at the time as I don't like to make a fuss and I cant believe I am typing this on here but it has got to the point where i am going crazy. My wife assures me there is nothing going on its just harmless flirting and she enjoyed the attention and it wont happen again. I want to believe her but something is stopping me. Mainly because after the first time i asked her not to do it again but the second time it was more. Thanks anyone

Umm yeah she has to quit that job now. Would not want to be the one that had to break it to her though.

Up until leg stroking I thought you might be overreacting. But leg stroking...game over. She finds a new job and loses his number or she can find a new husband.

Tbh though, she may pick the later. So be aware.
But tbf, if she is cool with all that seedy shit then you'll be well shot of her anyway tbh.

I'm sure she did like the attention, but quite how that makes it alright I don't understand. It has already happened again after you mentioning it to her the first time so she's not showing much respect for you and your relationship. Of course you'd feel uncomfortable/hurt. Most people would. And, that's how they behave in plain sight.

She is overriding your boundaries. Tell her that you don't find it acceptable and that her behaviour is hurting you. Whether she disagrees that it should is irrelevant, it's how you feel and what you are able to tolerate within a relationship. If she has no care for that point of view and both of your ideas about how a relationship should work don't align then it's going to be difficult and you'll continue to get hurt. It's a perfectly valid thing to do, don't worry about making a fuss! I'm sorry you're going through this.

The job has gone. So has his number I am told, would never ask to check usually, as I had complete trust.
Later tonight when kids are in bed i am asking to see her phone records
don't like doing that but I want to know what's being going on.
I keep getting told nothing and i am over reacting.
There are other bits like she temporarily registered him at her doctors practice to threat his chest infection at Christmas and a bottle of champagne appeared from him at the house as a present.
Also on the Monday after the first occasion he turned up at our house in the day to drop some paper work off for her, i was in as I work from home. He knew she would be at work and now I am certain he came to see me, maybe see if I knew anything. Maybe nothing but i found the timing odd as to my knowledge he has never been to my house for any reason in the past. Yes I know i am now over thinking everything but I cant help it. I really wish there was nothing to it all