Married less than a year and considering ending it. Where does this leave me?

[Intorainbowvalley]

As the title says really, one child who is 1.

The main problem I can foresee is cost, as it stands we live in one house and have another (BTL) which was mine before I moved in here. I would like to move into the BTL, will make no claim on this house etc.

Any advice?

I don’t feel that I have a choice.

Without knowing more no one can really say for sure, but on the face of it you are in a good position to have choices.

You have an unmortgaged property you could move to once it’s not tenanted.

Your marriage is short so splitting should be much simpler than if you’d been married a decade.

You only have one child, and they’re very young so emotionally will adapt easily to a new family structure.

So the houses:

1 house, previously yours now jointly owned
1 house, his before marriage, your name is not on this house.

Before you talk to your husband, you need to clarify the legal standing of both of these houses. You really need to see a solicitor. He would have a 'claim' on the jointly own house, but you possibly have no ownership interest in 'his' house because it was owned by him prior to the marriage AND it's a short term marriage.

Maybe he'll be nice and just take his name off the deeds of 'your' house. But maybe he'll be a real shit and demand to be bought out so he can clear/pay down the mortgage on 'his' house since 'your' house is mortgage free. Never underestimate what someone may decide to do in a divorce.

Are you suffering abuse OP?
If you are then FLOWS www.rcjadvice.org.uk/family/flows-finding-legal-options-for-women-survivors/ may be able to help with the legal side of things.

There’s no abuse I’m just low.

I'm so sorry you feel so bad. May I ask why you are separating? Is this something that maybe needs working through first or is it unrescuable? I left my XH after 10 months when I found out he had cheated. It was a long time ago now but I know how awful it feels.

Do you want to talk a bit more about how you're feeling? It might help you to get it all of your chest. It could help you plan your next steps rather than seeing things in such black and white - divorce or live forever unhappy.

I’m wondering if it’s your husband you want to leave or your living situation? If you were able to teleport into better circumstances, would you want to do it with your husband or alone?

The first year of marriage is hard, especially when there are additional challenges. Have you told him how low you are feeling?

I haven’t told him. The problems I’m experiencing are caused by him, to be honest. I am dreading the Easter holidays.

@Intorainbowvalley

I haven’t told him. The problems I’m experiencing are caused by him, to be honest. I am dreading the Easter holidays.

Can you tell us more about how he's behaving?

Really you do need some legal advice so that you know what is fair to suggest for any separation.

It really does sound like you should be able to sort out the finances without too much solicitor involvement, given the short length of the marriage and the fact you have two properties. One solicitor appointment to get an opinion would be a good idea though, especially if you can get a personal recommendation of a good solicitor.

From what you've said it seems unlikely he'd be awarded half your BTL property. How long have you been together, and how long have you cohabited?

@Intorainbowvalley

I haven’t told him. The problems I’m experiencing are caused by him, to be honest. I am dreading the Easter holidays.

Do you feel like the problems he’s causing you to experience are fixable, if he understood and changed his behaviour? Or do you feel he’s acting in a way that leaving is the only real option?

Can’t the problem be worked on or us it too late for that?

I'm divorcing without solicitors - we separated split the proceeds of the house, he doesn't want to claim my pension which is our only other financial tie. No arguments over our older kids. Sent the forms off and paid the £500ish and done.

Depends how amicably you can do it tho!

@comfortablyfrumpy But his name is on the deeds of the BTL? Does that not make a difference?

[quote LuluBlakey1]@comfortablyfrumpy But his name is on the deeds of the BTL? Does that not make a difference?[/quote]
I missed that, sorry. Have you got a defined share each other than 50/50?

I think you need legal advice to work out where you stand.