What Are Your Red Flags In Relationships?

[WalthamstowMum6]

What Are Your Red Flags In Relationships?

I think it's useful to understand 'the red flag feeling', rather than having a specific list. We've all got red flags in common (violence/verbal abuse/control etc) but we've all got ones individual to us, and even as individuals, we don't always know what they'll be, or why.

But if someone or their behaviour gives you that 'Urgh, something feels off, here' feeling, I'd call that a red flag, if you can't talk it through with them and feel fully reassured that you've got closure on the issue.

Bad mouthing off the mother of his kids
Not paying child support

Cheating -
Remember how you got him because that's how you will loose him

Asking to borrow money

Racism

Little put downs or show of character early on. Recently I had a guy who talked a lot. Then one night I had a couple of cocktails and had plenty to say for myself (I’d done a lot of listening up to this point). This was commented on, strange how there was no issue when he was talking about himself. He also was happy to open up about his problems but when I ventured one he basically told me it was a non problem.

Bigger things: anyone who drinks a lot, is rude to workers, who has a psycho ex, doesn’t like animals

Rudeness to waiting staff
Rudeness about exes
Not asking you questions about yourself.
These are all early days flags for me.

Early 'I love you' or other signs of love bombing.

telling small inconsequential lies

flattery when they don't know you at all

having a low opinion of women/sexist jokes/thinking women are gold diggers/after their money

Not listening.

I don’t like animals. Not sure it’s a total red flag…

My 9/10 year old doesn't want to see their Dad. It's not my job to promote that relationship....

Any variation on the above.

Red flags.

Someone who brings the conversation back to about them, always!
Tightness.
Non lover of animals.
Just something that you cannot put your finger on?
Dishonesty.
Needy.
Sex mad.
Oh and the absolute decider one....someone who mentions the word 'rape' when he's angry with people (thinking it was a funny thing to say).

Good bye...you fcking, nasty, sexist, misogynist piece of sht!

@Casper001

My 9/10 year old doesn't want to see their Dad. It's not my job to promote that relationship....

Any variation on the above.

Can you explain this one, please? My eldest (late teens) didn’t want a relationship with Dad because Dad had been physically and verbally abusive. I didn’t ‘promote’ their relationship, and Dad was very cross with me about it! Child has since decided to resume contact, which is completely their choice.

Binge drinking.

I've just had one now, off a chap that I've been speaking to online for a couple of weeks (due to meet up for lunch on Saturday).

I think he's become more 'confident' now that we've arranged a meet (which will NOT now be happening!)

So, after lots of very normal messages and a few short phone calls, he messaged today and asked me if I have any 'special talents'. As the conversation was very light, and we'd been talking about food, I thought he meant cooking/recipes or something, but no, it was not the knowledge that my Yorkshire Puddings are legendary that he wanted!

He responded to my reply with:

"My special talent is massage...I have a super power when it comes to knowing how to get a girl to, ahem, relax (suggestive winky face emoji!)"

I replied: "😳"

And he responded with this:
"A girl knows when a man has practiced for years with his hands to help a girl relax and have a “happy ending”. That’s right I’m really a 24 year old girl from Thailand. Resistance is futile 😂"

A) he used 'girl' (several times!!)which pissed me off,
B) this suggestive comments came right out of left field, totally unrelated to previous conversation,
C) he clearly thought I was 'game' for trying out his 'practised hands'...just...eugh 😨🤦‍♀️

Just horrendous...and I am definitely able to 'resist' 🤦‍♀️😨

As of yet, I've not responded to this final message...any suggestions? 👍

Yes. Message with

"a 24 year old girl from Thailand - your fantasy?"

I'd like to know how he replies .

Previous cheating...keeping all her exes within touching distance, literally. Early 'I love you's' and how much capital do you have.

From recent experience:
Bad mouthing ex
Hot and cold behaviour
Recent traumatic break up of long term relationship
Love bombing

More generally:
All of the above
Arrogance
Rudeness to staff etc
General big-headedness
Using “babe” etc or too many kisses before even meeting up
Not making time to see each other

When they mention their ‘crazy ex’.
Still living with ex for the children 😬
Love bombing
Planning way ahead when you have only been on a couple dates (talk of marriage, holidays etc..).
Drinking (I don’t drink).
No friends or social life,

mean with money
mummys boy

Too much talking and not enough asking.
Being negative about your opinions
Any kind of negging about looks or personality.
Saying I love you too soon
Getting drunk too often
Being a social media creep, following and commenting/liking other women that appear to be single or attention seekers.
Doesn't want to commit yet by living together and can't say when that will be, somethings always coming up to prevent it (it will never happen)
Financial difficulties, in a lot of dept.
Being unreliable.
Whatever else gives you the red flag feeling.

Calling exes crazy , blaming them entirely for relationship breakdowns.
Rude, negging , really tight with money, signs of being controlling , lovebombing.

Following lots of Instagram models liking their pictures , selfish in bed , excessive porn use 🤣

I have a lot hence I'm currently single
Any signs of misogynistic behaviour 🚩
Being flakey with contact 🚩
Not saying what they mean/ think 🚩
Not making me feel worthwhile /special 🚩
Not respecting my views / opinions 🚩
Not being there for their kids and understanding mine come first. No exceptions. 🚩
Having low resilience 🚩

People who have little to no contact with their children
People with pronouns
Porn use
Pushiness
Dirty homes/laziness

Bad hygiene, both personal and/or in their accomodation.

Telling me only his previous ex was the only one who understood him enough to calm him down/talk him out of his depresssion/said she still loved him but he'd picked me ...

Funny how when she left him, she left in enough of a hurry to leave most of her belongings behind and moved abroad 🤔

Telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, never met anyone like me before but in the next breath saying he'd have no bother replacing me when he finished it.

Messaging people on dating apps while I was sat on the other end of the couch looking at houses for us to move into together

Uggggghh what was I thinking???