Online dating - i hate the great outdoors

[Nothappyatwork]

Every bloody profile I meet online seems to be detailing about how they love to get on the bike and go up a mountain they love to walk up a mountain to kayak down the mountain they are looking forward to jumping in a campervan and setting off to see the world they like to travel these people have like commitments and mortgages and like children they see at the weekend ?
The mind boggles.
In the UK it’s permanently fricking pissing down even during the summer when you get into the sticks where anything is vaguely green.

Obviously I wouldn’t mind a hike if we lived in Peru or somewhere less grey.

Are they all having a different kind of midlife crisis what happened to buying a Porsche and whipping me off to 5 star hotels ?

@willowbough

"Ah you see in their 40’s-50’s they don’t want to children are more to the point they don’t want you to have children which frankly I mean I don’t know many women in their 40s who don’t have teenagers."

That's interesting that some don't want us to have children. Sorry if I'm generalising, and going off topic, but an older teenager, while being a priority and still requiring parental care, will not be as problematic where childcare arrangements and so on are concerned, and there's little chance the man would be expected to be involved, or as some sort of stepfather figure?

I think it’s probably good they’ve reflected on what they can handle. Children can no longer be relied upon to leave home at 18 and mostly take care of themselves. I wouldn’t want to date a man even with teenagers because, assuming the eventual goal would be to live together, I wouldn’t want to be sharing my home with a bunch of adult stepchildren affecting the size of home we needed, affecting how we split or pooled our money, needing financial support, just generally feeling like living in a houseshare. There are always loads of MN threads from either the perspective of a stepmum fed up of her OH’s adult children taking time / money / energy or a mum whose OH is fed up of her adult children and the tension each situation is causing the relationship.

@Magnoliasblur I know. I suppose walking up mountains is much better for their health, I wonder if it's because they're so paranoid about the damage they've done to their body.

Idk about the porsche and 5 star hotels 🤣 give me a coffee date and some Italian pizza any day over that but I totally agree online dating is a f*cking nightmare! I came across a bio the other day that read "I'm probably too good for you" 🥴

I have felt pangs of envy at my girlfriends who have been with their SO since high school but then I know they secretly (or not so secretly) resent each other and I realise that we're all doooomed!!! How tf does anyone over 30 meet someone to have a relationship with, friendships included?

@DragonOverTheMoon

Also tho I think they used to self medicate with drugs, if raging adhd etc. They still need redirection so become fitness nuts. Can’t sit still.

Or hiding the trauma through being so busy being active, on the allotment, etc.

At least the drugs are fun

I know what you mean OP. Some of the hobbies the guys put on totally contradict their photos of them fat and drinking beer. Also makes me laugh when you get guys 50+ saying they might want kids someday, good luck with that mate.

It seems theres 90% of the blokes on there with no commitments, endless money and 6 months per year holiday. Maybe in an ideal world but not in reality.

@Magnoliasblur and the nights out were much funnier

Are you guys saying that drug addicts are more fun when actively using, than when pursing a healthy lifestyle?

Okay.

You know lots of people have a past don't you? None of us can say we've 100% covered ourselves in glory, but the judgement here for changing things or turning your life around is mad.

This thread is really quite unpleasant.

@KimCheese

Are you guys saying that drug addicts are more fun when actively using, than when pursing a healthy lifestyle?

Okay.

You know lots of people have a past don't you? None of us can say we've 100% covered ourselves in glory, but the judgement here for changing things or turning your life around is mad.

This thread is really quite unpleasant.

I agree

Yes I am saying that. And I'm saying that as a former A class drug user myself. It's my opinion and experience that there is nothing more boring then being sat in a random kitchen at 5am each talking over the other about childhoods and trauma bonding over it - apart from when those drug users grow up and start mountain climbing and bang on about that - and I like mountain climbing and van life. Some people just change the addict behaviour rather than sorting out the addiction. It's just as boring.

But there's also nothing like being at a rave off your head and feeling connected to everyone there. So yes I can say, with a wry grin, that I did have much more fun then I do now that I'm a grown up with dc and a professional job.

Recreational drug use can be plenty of fun, but someone who is actually addicted to either dugs or alcohol is unlikely to be having 'fun', regardless of how amusing they may be to be around.

Are you guys saying that drug addicts are more fun when actively using, than when pursing a healthy lifestyle?

It's the pursing ! Pursing it up a mountain, on an iron man endeavour, and on an ultra marathon, chase chase chase ! They were boring before and they are still boring but at least with the drugs there was dancing.

lighthearted.

@KimCheese I mean this in a nice way but you sound quite codependent there. You don't need to jump to other people's defensives and I'd advise anyone to consider whether an ex addict is a good fit. There are plenty of dry drunks that haven't dont the inner work and dealt with their trauma, but you wouldn't know that as they'll be too busy telling you about their mountain climbing/cycling/marathons. And god forbid you should get in the way of their fix.. you'll be the problem.

I just find the tone of the thread quite mean spirited is all.

The thread has been non-stop sneering about: men who enjoy outdoor sports (who are accused of simultaneously faking their enjoyment and of being addicted obsessives who will spend no time with their partner); women who enjoy outdoor sports (some posters have gone as far as insisting that such women don't exist); women who don't have or want children (again, some posters don't seem to believe that such women exist, or if they do they must be bitter spinsters with no life); and now we've moved on to sneering at men who have stopped drinking and taking drugs.

I've heard of replacing bad habits with good, but isn't that commendable? You're saying the addiction hasn't been properly addressed?

Never come across anyone personally who swapped recreational drugs for extreme sports, adulthood responsibilities meant they were dropped rather than anything else.

@ComtesseDeSpair That makes sense. Probably better they're upfront about it.

obviously hit a bone with you @Octomore

women are not rehab centres for men who A pretend they like shit on OLD to make themselves look better or B ex addicts who are still trying to soothe themselves with pursuits. We're not. We're allowed to be as picky as we like with any relationship or friendship. We don't have to make ourselves miserable for the menz anymore.

I agree 100% that women are not rehab centres for men in any way.

But what on earth leads you to assume that all men who express an interest in outdoor sports are either liars or addicts? It's a bizarre assumption.

IME swapping an addiction for another isn't addressing the issue of the addiction and resolving the trauma that caused the addiction. Addicts are looking for escape and you can be dry but still be an addict and the behaviour that that entails.

It was only a lighthearted comment I made. From my own experience. It wasn't meant to be a discussion on whether ex addicts or dry addicts are suitable partners or not.

And the worst sneering on this thread has been directed at women.

@CharSiu

I was a big time hiker when young as was DH, 20 miles in a day scrambling up rocky terrain. I have a disability now so far less often and far less distance and not the really strenuous stuff. Did do a 3 hour hike this weekend. A hike does involve scrambling round rocks, under and over trees jumping across stones finding a path through water or taking off your boots and wading through water. Going up high in to areas where even in summer there is still snow on the ground, needing a compass and an OS map and not a tea room in sight. If you love the outdoors then a bit of rain won’t put you off.

Just swipe the other way.

Yikes - for me that would be an expedition. (I think may I was defining ‘hike’ as anything not on tarmac and more than 5 miles)

@Nothappyatwork perhaps rather than disparaging at the use of 'we' in my post you would be better off listening to the opinions of the many that have what you want....ie a relationship.

Maybe, instead of focusing on the way you have your nails done and your intimate waxing routine you should appreciate that people manage to enjoy the outdoors and luxury destinations simultaneously.
You just seem keen on making your point.

[quote GlamorousHeifer]@Nothappyatwork perhaps rather than disparaging at the use of 'we' in my post you would be better off listening to the opinions of the many that have what you want....ie a relationship.

Maybe, instead of focusing on the way you have your nails done and your intimate waxing routine you should appreciate that people manage to enjoy the outdoors and luxury destinations simultaneously.
You just seem keen on making your point.[/quote]
Perhaps that was simply all the the aim of the post was to make the point I don’t actually remember saying that I want what you have sweetheart
I’ve no doubt your husband is probably one of the many that I’m messaging right now.

@Nothappyatwork Hahaha, sweetheart? Really, no wonder you are single.
You are very bitter. I feel sorry for anyone that you manage to reel in. I'm sure you will be a miserable couple....but that's probably what you get off on.

@GlamorousHeifer 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tell him i said hi heifer 😘