Ever thrown something?

[Ukerlaylee]

I threw a toilet roll down the stairs, wasn't as satisfying as I expected in my rage, so I picked up a small folding pocket brush with a mirror and threw it against the wall upstairs. It smashed, it was closed at the time and didn't check until I returned from work that day.

Am I violent?! Do I need anger management. As far as I'm concerned it was a one off sort of action. The only other thing I've done in anger is smash a glass in the sink last year. I'm mid 30s.

Have you ever thrown something in anger?

No. My ex did terrified me. I stayed because I thought it was ok as long as it wasn't my body he hit. This thread has really upset me. I always wished he would punch me in the face so I wouldn't have to explain. It was my job to stand there shaking like a leaf whilst he punches the crap out of something because we had ran out of milk or kicking the furniture over because he stubbed his toe.

@AfraidToRun oh I'm so sorry. It wasn't my intention to cause upset. I was genuinely wondering what level people would categorise a one off throwing something in private away from anyone was, not routine throwing infront of someone to purposefully scare.

Thank you acknowledging me. It's not you, it is me. It's just one of the things I use to try and minimise his abuse. I can't say for certain that it was on purpose to scare but it did scare me. It's all very confusing!

I did read a study that suggested that expressing anger through violence i.e punching etc actually lowers your tolerance for anger and makes it worse.

I'm terrible at throwing so it probably wouldn't get very far even if I tried.

So tell us @sammylady37 what is a normal outburst when someone is feeling angry? Cause anger is a real feeling that humans need to express at some point

@RollofDice

So tell us *@sammylady37* what is a normal outburst when someone is feeling angry? Cause anger is a real feeling that humans need to express at some point

Everyone gets angry, but most of us don’t throw the vacuum cleaner and scream. You must know this, surely?

If you’re unhappy about your family not pulling their weight domestically, there are considerably more productive ways of dealing with it (and correcting the situation).

@RollofDice

So tell us *@sammylady37* what is a normal outburst when someone is feeling angry? Cause anger is a real feeling that humans need to express at some point

Well, not throwing things, for starters. Not verbally abusing others, not physically abusing them. In fact, I would say that an outburst isn’t actually a healthy constructive way to express anger at all. If you’re angry, as an adult it’s up to you to deal with that constructively. Perhaps by removing yourself from the situation, by going for a walk, by deep breathing, by going and having a cup of tea, by reflecting on whatever it is that has made you angry and then by approaching people in a calm and rational manner if that is appropriate- you can calmly tell someone that their behaviour has made you angry, there’s no need to throw things around the place to express your anger.

Yes I think you are acting in a violent way if you are throwing things about! Do you have children? If a child witnessed this it would be damaging and scary. Sort your temper out

It’s terrifying as a child to live with an adult who cannot control their rage, altho I am sure at times, we looked unaffected as it was much safer not to react at all.
I grew up to find myself in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship where my boyfriend smashed up our home around us whenever something minor displeased him. Something major (in his opinion) and it would be me who got it in the neck.

To the question at hand, I haven’t thrown anything in temper since I was a teenager. I threw a bowl onto the floor during an argument with an ex, when I was 16. I threw my phone at the wall during an argument with another ex, when I was 19. It’s not a behaviour I ever want to model as ‘normal’ or acceptable for my son… plus I don’t think I’ve felt that overwhelming ragey feeling in a very long time, my emotional health is much better these days.

A paper plate, DH was frustrated about something not working and had thrown something out of his way not at me but because of where I was standing it landing right next to me (he has a tendency to do this when DIY things aren't going his way) so I picked up a paper plate and threw it straight at him.
Not my finest moment, but I think DH did learn something from it.

@RantyAunty

I've swept all my papers and things off my desk. Thrown clothes all over.

There used to be places that had old cars, desk, and junk where you could rent time in the area and bash the stuff with big sledgehammers.

Rage rooms!

I did a self-defence course once where the male trainers were in protective gear and you could practice the self-defence moves on them, knee them in the groin, elbow them in the head... I think it was the most satisfying five minutes of my life.

Can't recall ever throwing anything in rage but I did once kick a bin on the way home after someone had bought me three glasses of wine then broken up with me.

When my ex husband heated on me I threw out wedding album across the floor I think but that's about it

@MissMaple82 no I haven't been pushed to this level of rage in years. So it's not an uncontrolled temper, when I usually get angry I just have a walk or distract myself doing something else. My child didn't witness this and it's hopefully not a behaviour they ever will. Have you read my previous post on how awful I felt, how I don't think it's normal to the point that not 100% of people exhibit this behaviour or have you done the typical lazy daily mail reader thing and just reacted to one or two things I mentioned in the first post?

Op-there are people on here who see anger as bad. Or perhaps they just want to bait you. We all have limits and I think it does my daughter good to see that I’m human too and you can only push me so far. I have boundaries.
Incidentally I grew up in a household where anger and confrontation were seen as morally wrong. We weren’t allowed to be angry and my mum would hold her emotions in.

I threw the vegetables in the sink last night. I asked DS to tell DP that dinner would be on the table on 5 mins. All I could hear was...I don't need dinner, I'm off to play tennis.

I'd just spent an hour making dinner only to have DP treat me like this. then I raised my voice at DP and told him his behavior was selfish, despicable and won't be tolerated. He already has marathon training and another evening out. Doesn't get much involved in domestic life...very little cooking, cleaning, never gardened. Doesn't have a car. (I do).

I completely understand that throwing things, shouting, screaming etc are not the way to go. Noone responds well to it. BUT. when partners won't respond to a civil conversation either, what are we supposed to do?

Quite honestly, if I didn't have a DC on the GCSE pathway, I'd be off.

I married someone who I thought was my friend. I'm not sure he feels that way. so yes, I'm frustrated and a threw the veggies in the sink. he's lucky he wasn't in the room or they would have been thrown at him.

No.
However my brother does and so does his wife, I know a friend's partner does it too.

Yes. First time it was my ExH's can of beer as he was being annoying and drunk (pre kids) and we were having a heated conversation about our upcoming wedding! We did stay together for 21 mostly happy years though.
Second time, a cushion at exP as he threw one at me. Hopefully I'll never be in that position again as it was scary.
My current partner is very placid and we rarely argue, so I hope it won't ever happen again.

Oh, and my friend, heavily pregnant at the time, threw a fork at her (now ex) husband. He had four marks on his nose for months!

My sister (18mths older) threw a breakfast bar stool at me when we were teenagers because I laughed at her hairstyle! Really hurt my back. I got no sympathy as I shouldn't have been criticising her??
We are best of friends now and have been for many, many years. She also kicked down the front door when she was grounded ...... she was an angry teenager but she mellowed once she got to about 18 and I've never seen any acts of aggressiveness since. She's a mother of two successful 20/30 somethings and a grandmother now. I think she was just frustrated and stressed during her A levels and some sibling rivalry.