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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ever thrown something?

94 replies

Ukerlaylee · 27/03/2022 21:57

I threw a toilet roll down the stairs, wasn't as satisfying as I expected in my rage, so I picked up a small folding pocket brush with a mirror and threw it against the wall upstairs. It smashed, it was closed at the time and didn't check until I returned from work that day.

Am I violent?! Do I need anger management. As far as I'm concerned it was a one off sort of action. The only other thing I've done in anger is smash a glass in the sink last year. I'm mid 30s.

Have you ever thrown something in anger?

OP posts:
crossstitchingnana · 28/03/2022 11:21

I once kicked a frozen loaf of bread to death. One of my kids had decided they didn't like the packed lunch I had made them, when last week it would've been fine. It was a long time ago so I suspect it was a straw and camel type of thing.

mumjustmum · 28/03/2022 11:23

When I was pregnant with my first I threw the ironing board down the stairs because my husband hadn't put it away. He had to repair the wall.

BeeFan63554 · 28/03/2022 11:44

No, but I had a flatmate/friend who did. Broke a window by throwing a stapler at it, threw her phone at the wall, chucked the clothes dryer around. A difficult person to live with. Extremely controlled, things in their correct place, hated the tiniest of messes. Lacking in empathy and liked to blame her problems on everyone else.

roastedsaltedpeanut · 28/03/2022 11:56

Never did it out of anger but twice for thrown phone as props to help me illustrate my point.

I threw my Nokia phone on the floor once, more curious than mad after a heated argument, really wanted to find what if it will shatter. It didn’t even get a scratch.

I threw my ex’s iPhone when I was a teenager, deliberately on the grass to avoid shattering it while also delivering dramatic effect. I still remember feeling worried it would really smash as it flew out of my hand, I would be obliged to replace it and that would really defeat the object.

I tried to punch a tree once, something I have seen in movies or music videos… bloody painful. Never did it again.
So, i guess whether anger management is needed depends on your reason for throwing things. Was it a moment of blind rage, lack of ability to express your emotions/anger/frustration or maybe something else?
Speak to your GP if you are worried.

sammylady37 · 28/03/2022 12:10

@GeodesicDome

Never. And I'm frankly surprised that so many not only have, but seem to think it's normal, or even amusing Confused.
I’m very taken aback at this thread. Some people seem almost proud of themselves and think it’s a quirky personality trait.
PurpleTrilby · 28/03/2022 12:14

I used to and I was ashamed of it. From childhood to when I got counselling in adulthood. It was a pattern I had copied from my parents who would throw things during the rows they had far too regularly. Anyone doing it regularly in front of kids is teaching them to do the same. Counselling helped me unpack that and I've not done it since. I let go of a lot of anger and am much calmer and happier.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 28/03/2022 13:05

@hesbeen2021

No, I'm an adult and can regulate my emotions
Oh to be like you ...
Original poster
Ukerlaylee · 28/03/2022 15:03

@RollofDice I'm just shocked and feel so sorry for your kids, that's really bad parenting, no wonder they don't help you. Please seek help for the sake of your kids mental health.

Thank you for replying everyone. It's very much chalk and cheese, I think half of folk do this sort of thing and half don't.

I don't think I'll ever do it again. I was mortified, ashamed, embarrassed and I've even depressed myself about it as my DH knows what I did. It was in frustration at my DM who is very toxic and was purposefully pushing my buttons at the time. She was downstairs and the otherside of the house at the time. We have an irreparable dysfunctional mother daughter relationship sadly. The root of my depression I believe, which I am on antidepressants for.

It's saddened me that someone up thread says it's not anger it's violence...surely it's only violence if directed at and in view of someone?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ukerlaylee · 28/03/2022 15:05

Think I'm going to buy a stressball for times DM visits. That's probably all I need.

OP posts:
RollofDice · 28/03/2022 16:02

At the end of the day OP you posted a question. I answered, honestly. I could have quite easily have not put anything or lied and said 'no, never. Throwing things in a range is utterly wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself'. but I didn't. But, I have to say I've never thrown anything been unsatisfied that The didn't make an impact on hen go on to throw something again.....that's strange.

My out bursts were very very rare and thankfully don't happen anymore, it's all part of another story but I wanted to share that it's normal to take out your frustration in that way. It's not violent unless it is aimed at someone.

And if your on medication for your depression it seems like you my need a higher dose of you have these feelings. Depending on hol long you have been on them, of course.

And thanks for those saying I should be ashamed, or I'm a shit mum....that's great help. Thank you Hmm

RollofDice · 28/03/2022 16:03

Sorry for the typos and grammar.....my fingers were raging at the comments Wink

KStockHERO · 28/03/2022 16:08

Not in anger at all.
But I once threw a board game piece at DP in a fake tantrum because I lost a game. DP ducked to avoid it, caught the side of his head on a unit and had a black eye for a couple of weeks. Ooops.

DearlyBeloathed · 28/03/2022 16:11

Loads.

Don't have kids though so never around children, and never would anyway.

gamerchick · 28/03/2022 16:12

@RollofDice

I quite easily get angry, it's usually when I'm tidying the house and everyone else is just sat around not helping....I've thrown thrown poor Henry the hoover, plates and cups into the sink which have then broken, game controllers, toys, a toddler step stool at the bathroom wall and broke the tiles. I've never ever and never would throw anything at anyone but I do throw things quite often and I bet it use to scare my kids but I also bet they're use to it now. I also scream. I scream at everyone who just sit there watching me pick up their shit off the floor. My phone's also got cracks from when I've throw it too Blush
You risk your kids growing into gibbering wrecks.
gamerchick · 28/03/2022 16:22

My out bursts were very very rare and thankfully don't happen anymore, it's all part of another story but I wanted to share that it's normal to take out your frustration in that way. It's not violent unless it is aimed at someone.

Nice backpeddle. Maybe you should read your post again.

It's still violence and utterly terrifying for a small person. Get some help.

RoyKentsChestHair · 28/03/2022 16:42

It's not violent unless it is aimed at someone

That’s categorically untrue - I admit it’s more likely to be intimidating to a woman if it’s a man doing the throwing/kicking, but to a child, whether it’s mum or dad, a grown adult throwing and breaking things in anger is going to be terrifying.

My XP used to say that his children found it funny when he “hulked out”. I saw his DD’s nervous giggle when he got angry and it was clearly not amusement, more like a “make yourself small and cute so he doesn’t turn it on you” type of vibe. The kind of shocked laughter that pops out when something unexpected happens.

It doesn’t matter who/what the object is physically aimed at. Breaking things in a rage isn’t an ok way to behave and shows either a lack of control or a total disregard for the feelings of those in the room.

I ended my 9 year relationship because of it, as I won’t have my DCs subjected to a man breaking and kicking things, no matter which direction the objects are flying.

ravenmum · 28/03/2022 16:56

Once, when on the verge of breaking up with my ex. I was trying to talk to him about something he'd said (classic Script along the lines of "love you don't love you"). But he kept interrupting and correcting the words I used ("I didn't say tomato, I said tomahto"). I started trying to bring up the subject again, but using the "correct" version. He interrupted again complaining that my tone of voice was now wrong (couldn't keep the sarcasm out entirely).
I was standing next to a clothes stand his parents had given us, and grabbed it and pushed it across the room. It broke. I felt like shit and apologised. So it just made me feel worse really, he got the moral high ground, and I still couldn't get him to listen to what I was saying.
Can't remember another occasion ... I think that was the most frustrated I've ever felt, having the words I used "policed" so that I was unable to defend myself or describe the nasty way he'd treated me.

RantyAunty · 28/03/2022 16:58

I've swept all my papers and things off my desk. Thrown clothes all over.

There used to be places that had old cars, desk, and junk where you could rent time in the area and bash the stuff with big sledgehammers.

Rage rooms!

Ever thrown something?
Natfemale · 28/03/2022 17:03

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hesbeen2021 · 28/03/2022 17:15

Oh to be like you ...
It's really not hard

PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn · 28/03/2022 17:29

This is why I don't like soft-close doors, sometimes you just need to slam one* 😆

*not when anyone else is around

sammylady37 · 28/03/2022 17:36

I wanted to share that it's normal to take out your frustration in that way

No, it’s not.

It's not violent unless it is aimed at someone
Bullshit

Pinkfacecloth · 28/03/2022 17:52

I was getting ready to go out and my partner was walking up and down telling me how annoyed he was with one of our neighbour’s exes. She was sat in the car honking like crazy as she had no patience for her child to get out. The noise didn’t really bother me as I was in a different room but my partners started to annoy me. So without giving it much though I grabbed an egg and threw it at her car. It landed on the top, wished it landed on the windscreen. She never honked ever since. She was actually doing it a lot before then.

BattenbergdowntheHatches · 28/03/2022 17:53

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Chonfox · 28/03/2022 18:27

No, but I had a flatmate/friend who did. Broke a window by throwing a stapler at it, threw her phone at the wall, chucked the clothes dryer around. A difficult person to live with. Extremely controlled, things in their correct place, hated the tiniest of messes. Lacking in empathy and liked to blame her problems on everyone else

Fairly clear there was more going on there. Still difficult to live with no doubt but that does not sound like someone who is happy and coping.

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