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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am really really confused now 😮

75 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 11:49

I posted about the guy I was dating 2 months, had known since last summer a few weeks ago.

He 38/M went to India
I am 35/F

I did not hear a word from him except a harmonica video (!) - I did try and text the first Wednesday he was away
I had really liked him and I was fairly upset but just accepted be did not like me that much and my friend seen him on Bumble again. The advice on MN was to not message again.

I awoke this morning to a message from him - asking why I had ghosted him? And screen shots of messages he had sent me - ‘you OK’ but had not been delivered? None of them said ‘seen’ so he knew I had not seen them.

This has never happened to me before? Its all a bit weird?

He then said I just assumed you wanted to be left alone?

He is due back this Wednesday.

We had a quick facetime and I explained that I had not ghosted and had not recieved his messages. I said I had been quite upset but just thought it was over. He said he felt the same way.

Is this bullshit? I have never had this happen to me with a guy I have been seeing.

Would you guys give him benefit of doubt and see him again when he gets back? Usually when I am seeing a guy they keep in touch fairly regularly. He admitted before he left he would have lost patience with himself as he is such a slow mover. 😂

OP posts:
HeDidWhattt · 27/03/2022 11:52

Well if he had screen shots…did they show two ticks?

Is it definitely you he sent them too, is your profile pic there?

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 11:55

@HeDidWhattt definately. He sent screenshots. Nil ‘seen’ and I definately did not seen them as I was messaging on here 😂

OP posts:
TenRedThings · 27/03/2022 12:01

Would it be possible to fake them ? Did they have dates and times ? Could he have a wife/ arranged mariage in India and he had to keep contact minimal ? Sorry I have a suspicious mind. I hope it's just an internet glitch !

Jurassicparkinajug · 27/03/2022 12:02

Could you see the dates they were sent? Also why was he on bumble again?
I don't think we have enough info to advise. If you had doubts before he went away about whether he was into the relationship then I would say trust your gut instinct and walk away.

ChickenStripper · 27/03/2022 12:05

Is he worth all this hassle?

Bodgerbarbara · 27/03/2022 12:05

Yeah right.

Walk away op.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:09

Yes dates were on them 13th March 14th March 15th March?

I honestly have no idea what to do now?

The whole thing is very odd?

And how did I get the harmonica video and no other messages? There is no way he could have faked them.

I now feel really stupid for being so upset… but there were a few red flags prior to this. Him wanting to go slow? Him saying he would have lost patience with himself? And him cancelling a date at the last minute?

Its all a bit too much like hard work? I also find it weird he has managed to get back in touch 48 hours prior to coming back?

OP posts:
cornflakedreams · 27/03/2022 12:12

Would you guys give him benefit of doubt and see him again when he gets back?

Hell no.

There is no way he could have faked them.

Of course there is. People fake screenshots all the time.

RandomMess · 27/03/2022 12:14

Dunno I have a friend that lives somewhere without the best internet/3 or 4G I only get 50-70% of the messages and emails they send 🤷🏽‍♀️

cornflakedreams · 27/03/2022 12:15

Seriously, it would be ridiculously easy to fake screenshots like that.

cornflakedreams · 27/03/2022 12:16

The point of identifying red flags is to act on them and leave the situation, not to stick around to see how many more flags you can collect!

Bodgerbarbara · 27/03/2022 12:16

It’s not about the messages, he sounds flaky as fuck. Why would you settle for such crumbs?

Kittykat93 · 27/03/2022 12:17

Hmmm. Seems dodgy tbh, never heard of that happening to anyone.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:17

They are not fake - it has my name and username. It also has his phone type and indian cell network provider at the top.

OP posts:
ChickenStripper · 27/03/2022 12:18

There are even apps for this!

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:18

@Kittykat93

Hmmm. Seems dodgy tbh, never heard of that happening to anyone.
It had never happened to me before either. I was so upset. I just assumed no interest and try to move on. I had seen him the day before he left and everything seemed fined - it was so weird?
OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:21

It says on the screenshots he has 4G if that makes any difference?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:21

He also does have my email address so could have emailed me if he was so worried.

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 27/03/2022 12:25

I also find it weird he has managed to get back in touch 48 hours prior to coming back?

He's rubbing his hands in glee imagining the shag he's planning you'll give him.

Now read back what you've said:

there were a few red flags prior to this

Its all a bit too much like hard work?

I honestly have no idea what to do now?

Really??

ChickenStripper · 27/03/2022 12:28

@Trippingslippingx1

He also does have my email address so could have emailed me if he was so worried.
Exactly.
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:30

🥺😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:31

We had not slept together as yet.

OP posts:
Bodgerbarbara · 27/03/2022 12:40

Op forget him. And don’t feel bad. He’s just one of those arsrholes - to be blunt he’s fishing and testing the waters just before he comes back. If you’re after something like a friend (although he doesn’t much of a friend!) with benefits then go ahead but if you want a relationship then forget him he’s wasting your time. And it’s no reflection on you.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:43

@Bodgerbarbara

Op forget him. And don’t feel bad. He’s just one of those arsrholes - to be blunt he’s fishing and testing the waters just before he comes back. If you’re after something like a friend (although he doesn’t much of a friend!) with benefits then go ahead but if you want a relationship then forget him he’s wasting your time. And it’s no reflection on you.
That was my instinct which is why I left him to it - its not hard to sent a couple of messages in 3/4 weeks. I was not asking for much
OP posts:
ChickenStripper · 27/03/2022 12:43

@Trippingslippingx1

We had not slept together as yet.
Be glad and move on.