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Original poster

I am really really confused now 😮

75 replies

Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 11:49

I posted about the guy I was dating 2 months, had known since last summer a few weeks ago.

He 38/M went to India
I am 35/F

I did not hear a word from him except a harmonica video (!) - I did try and text the first Wednesday he was away
I had really liked him and I was fairly upset but just accepted be did not like me that much and my friend seen him on Bumble again. The advice on MN was to not message again.

I awoke this morning to a message from him - asking why I had ghosted him? And screen shots of messages he had sent me - ‘you OK’ but had not been delivered? None of them said ‘seen’ so he knew I had not seen them.

This has never happened to me before? Its all a bit weird?

He then said I just assumed you wanted to be left alone?

He is due back this Wednesday.

We had a quick facetime and I explained that I had not ghosted and had not recieved his messages. I said I had been quite upset but just thought it was over. He said he felt the same way.

Is this bullshit? I have never had this happen to me with a guy I have been seeing.

Would you guys give him benefit of doubt and see him again when he gets back? Usually when I am seeing a guy they keep in touch fairly regularly. He admitted before he left he would have lost patience with himself as he is such a slow mover. 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:50

🥺 such a waste of time honestly. What is with these guys?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 12:55

It is easier if they just message to call it off. I hate being left in limbo like that - it is horrible. I do not mind if someone does not like me - I am not to everyones taste and vice versa.

OP posts:
Thewindwhispers · 27/03/2022 13:19

Sounds like you’re both relying too much on texting. Have I had texts refuse to send and then all come through together a week or two later? Yes I have. Phones aren’t as reliable as people think, especially internationally.

Laugh off the misunderstanding and move on.

ChickenStripper · 27/03/2022 13:21

@Trippingslippingx1

It is easier if they just message to call it off. I hate being left in limbo like that - it is horrible. I do not mind if someone does not like me - I am not to everyones taste and vice versa.
They don't though and they like to keep women on the back burner. Block him and move on.
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 13:23

@Thewindwhispers

Sounds like you’re both relying too much on texting. Have I had texts refuse to send and then all come through together a week or two later? Yes I have. Phones aren’t as reliable as people think, especially internationally.

Laugh off the misunderstanding and move on.

Move on with him? Or move on in general?
OP posts:
dramalessllama · 27/03/2022 13:42

He's messing with your head. Here you were thinking he had ghosted you, while he's too busy doing his own thing (possibly with someone else?) and now that his return is imminent, he needs to make sure you're still there on the backburner. Flipping everything around accusing you of ghosting him now puts you on the defensive, questioning why you didn't get his (probably fake) messages, and now he's gained back the power and control in your "relationship".

If he had truly been concerned about you and your well being, he could have emailed or dialed the phone instead of texting. Next!

Aprilx · 27/03/2022 13:45

@Thewindwhispers

Sounds like you’re both relying too much on texting. Have I had texts refuse to send and then all come through together a week or two later? Yes I have. Phones aren’t as reliable as people think, especially internationally.

Laugh off the misunderstanding and move on.

If my boyfriend / partner / husband went away to India and didn’t get a response to his messages, I would have expected him to call me or email me or try some other way to contact me. This man hasn’t bothered until he is ready to come home, funny that.
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 13:46

@dramalessllama

He's messing with your head. Here you were thinking he had ghosted you, while he's too busy doing his own thing (possibly with someone else?) and now that his return is imminent, he needs to make sure you're still there on the backburner. Flipping everything around accusing you of ghosting him now puts you on the defensive, questioning why you didn't get his (probably fake) messages, and now he's gained back the power and control in your "relationship".

If he had truly been concerned about you and your well being, he could have emailed or dialed the phone instead of texting. Next!

I agree. It is odd timing for him suddenly to be rapid messaging 48 hours prior to re arrival - he left at the beginning of March?
OP posts:
Bodgerbarbara · 27/03/2022 13:51

Forget all the details and just think is this how you want to be treated? The way to avoid these arseholes is to go by your own compass and not their fishy excuses. He’s probably got a few people in the back burner and it’s nothing to do with you it’s just the way he is.

layladomino · 27/03/2022 13:53

It is plain to see. He left, he didn't want to be with you anymore. He's returning in 2 days and wants to see if you're still available to him, ie can he mess with your head and mess you around some more, possibly get to sleep with you, then leave you again. Maybe it's an ego boost to see if he still 'has it'.

He has shown you who he is. He isn't worth wasting any of your energy over.

When a man wants to be with you, you don't have any doubts. They don't mess you around, or leave you analysing their messages and phone calls, they don't stand you up or see other people or leave the country.

He is flaky. He will let you down again and again if you let him. Don't let him back in to your life so he can do this all over again. You'll be more angry at yourself the second time.

Sandinmyhooves · 27/03/2022 13:57

Does it just say your name? Easy to save any number under your name and do this to set himself up with an excuse for later.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 13:58

@Sandinmyhooves

Does it just say your name? Easy to save any number under your name and do this to set himself up with an excuse for later.
No its via instagram messages - its definately my name, my username and he definately did try to message
OP posts:
HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 27/03/2022 15:26

Instagram messages are easy to fake up - eg first search hit for "instagram messages faker" fakedetail.com/fake-instagram-chat-generator

Blahdeblahwhat · 27/03/2022 18:17

Why would someone go to the effort of faking instagram messages though? It is not like it is much effort to send messages in the first place. I would give him the benefit of the doubt OP but remain vigilant for flakiness!

cornflakedreams · 27/03/2022 18:25

@Blahdeblahwhat

Why would someone go to the effort of faking instagram messages though? It is not like it is much effort to send messages in the first place. I would give him the benefit of the doubt OP but remain vigilant for flakiness!
Because he couldn't be arsed to message her but does want her on tap when he comes back? It's naive to think other people don't casually engage in manipulative shit just because you wouldn't.

Op, why are you so desperate for someone to tell you to ignore the red flags and plough on?

It would take two minutes in MS Paint to fake message screenshots or to use a website to do it for him. We're not talking about something fiendishly complex or time consuming.

Blahdeblahwhat · 27/03/2022 18:56

If he couldn't be arsed to message her then he is nit likely to spend time making up fake messages either. I certainly am not naive and he may well turn out to be a wrongun, i just don't automatically assume the worst of people when it's not plausible.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 27/03/2022 20:08

@Blahdeblahwhat

If he couldn't be arsed to message her then he is nit likely to spend time making up fake messages either. I certainly am not naive and he may well turn out to be a wrongun, i just don't automatically assume the worst of people when it's not plausible.
This is actually quite true - why would he bother? Hes gorgeous, tall and very successful (on paper) he could get many woman. And the screen shot time on his iphone is when we were chatting? Like the exact time. He would not have had time. It looks legit.
OP posts:
Angryalot · 27/03/2022 23:02

He sent you a harmonica video? Dump.

liveforsummer · 28/03/2022 05:21

@Blahdeblahwhat

Why would someone go to the effort of faking instagram messages though? It is not like it is much effort to send messages in the first place. I would give him the benefit of the doubt OP but remain vigilant for flakiness!
Because while he was off enjoying himself (as a pp said probably with someone else) he had no interest in contacting her. Now he's hours from returning home he's ready to pick her back up so puts in a couple of minutes of effort to create messages to make himself look like the wronged one. A pp said they've had messages not send then all come through later, except these messages have not ever come through as they would if suspended in cyber space but this last one has - suspicious indeed!
Valeriekat · 28/03/2022 08:19

I split my time between 2 countries and my local phones wont send text messages to overseas numbers.

Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 28/03/2022 09:07

Its all a bit weird TBH. I have not had sex with him
And he knows that I would want to be in a relationship with someone I had known for a while for this to happen (no judgement at all to anyone who can do casual - I have just had too many bad expierences with men doing this) - so its not
Like he is keeping in touch to get sex or a quick shag when he is back?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 28/03/2022 09:10

@Valeriekat

I split my time between 2 countries and my local phones wont send text messages to overseas numbers.
The screen shot looks legit - its the same time as we messaged yesterday morning - so no time to make up the messages. None of them ‘delivered’ and you can see our recent conversation beneath them - so he could not have made it in 10/20 seconds.

Anyway he has other red/amber flags anyways - not sure what I will do going forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 28/03/2022 09:10

Likely just leave it TBH

OP posts:
Original poster
Trippingslippingx1 · 28/03/2022 09:12

@Angryalot

He sent you a harmonica video? Dump.
😂
OP posts:
Bodgerbarbara · 28/03/2022 09:20

You won’t leave it though will you. Just because someone is ‘tall dark and handsome’ so what, accept anything? How sad.

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