He lied to me about meeting up with another woman

[WTAFFF]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years.

Just before lockdown he reconnected with an old colleague seemingly at random. He started going on nights out with her.

During lockdown this seemed to fizzle out: however, a few weeks ago he said he was meeting up with one of his male friends.

He let slip today that he’d actually met up with his old colleague. He maintains that he also met up with his male friend and they drove for an hour to go for a walk and a pub lunch.

I wasn’t invited on this walk. I asked him when he got back if he’d had a nice time but he didn’t tell me where he’d gone or that this woman was there.

I feel like he’s lied to me and it makes me a little bit suspicious. He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t think it was relevant.

Am I overreacting please?

This has happened to me in the past and I'm now with a man who talks to women online from his school days. It's never q nice experience is it. With my ex he was up to no good with so many different women I lost track.

I always look at the older generation and think would my dad do this to my mum? Would my grandad do this? Often these days social media destroys relationships because people cross the line and have too much access to a person they don't know.

He will blame you. Your insecurities. Your issues. Your jealousy. But you actually just know that it's completely inappropriate and disrespectful to you. Set some boundaries and if he loves you he will change his ways. If he's not willing to cut the crap and stop communicating with another woman when it's hurting you he's not that bothered is he?

He sounds horrible. You can do so much better.

According to your previous threads, your P has a history of treating you with great disrespect:

+He enjoys rating women’s looks with his friends, even in front of you, and told you that another friend’s wife rated higher than you. You ended things and commented that it was due to a culmination of many hurtful events. You took him back, but his contemptuous behavior continued.

+He food shamed you. One day he negged everything you ate. At one meal he critiqued what and how much you were eating, took it off you, and ate it himself. He also tried to police your having another small Diet Coke.

+He began being secretive with his phone and IPad, and this new behavior coincided with his meeting up with a group of old colleagues, including a woman he had fancied.

WTAFFF, I assume that the above woman from that 2020 thread is this current OW, whom he is now prioritizing over you with his secrecy, lies, and defensiveness. His flippant remark ‘So talk’ is just one more example of his contempt and devaluation of you.

Why on earth are you still with this dishonest misogynistic jerk who negs you and is secretly meeting up with this woman he has fancied for years?

A longtime boyfriend of mine would disparage the looks of someone I was suspicious things happened with.

Those things did in fact happen because this beautiful woman told me.

If he didn’t see anything sexual with her he wouldn’t comment on her body at all. I see that now. I also see that this woman weighed much more than I, but she was beautiful and NO man should have made disparaging remarks toward her.

He isn’t afraid to lose you by his actions. You shouldn’t be afraid to value yourself and walk away. Just walk away.

I know it’s scary but after a week or two you will feel your own power. But you need to want to have respect for yourself and to desire the things you are worthy of… like a respectful partner who cares about you.

Anything else you are making your own bed and every day will be wasted as you lay in it.

When men can't put their girlfriends first and focus solely on them it's because they have low self esteem and it gives their little bruised egos a boost when another woman thinks they are worth attention. They don't have a reality with that woman so they create in their heads how great it all is. Then when the girlfriend finds out they panic. They try and convince you that you are poossesive and would over react over innocent situations. Only it isn't innocent..innocent situations don't equal hiding messages, lying and not including your partner. The truth is he doesn't want to loose you until he knows someone else is definitely better than you. Or perhaps he doesn't want to loose you at all. But until he works out why he behaves like this he won't change.

Just be completely honest and straight with him.

I'm not going to play games with you Lee. I'm your partner and what you are doing is completely disrespectful. I have no issue with you having friends or speaking to people of the opposite sex. But I do have a problem with your crossing the line and not respecting our relationship. If there is anything going on between you too emotionally and she I distracting you from our relationship then have some respect for me and end It so I can find my happiness somewhere else.

Also say to him don't you are accuse me again off being controlling to the point you can't see friends.

@WTAFFF

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years.

Just before lockdown he reconnected with an old colleague seemingly at random. He started going on nights out with her.

During lockdown this seemed to fizzle out: however, a few weeks ago he said he was meeting up with one of his male friends.

He let slip today that he’d actually met up with his old colleague. He maintains that he also met up with his male friend and they drove for an hour to go for a walk and a pub lunch.

I wasn’t invited on this walk. I asked him when he got back if he’d had a nice time but he didn’t tell me where he’d gone or that this woman was there.

I feel like he’s lied to me and it makes me a little bit suspicious. He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t think it was relevant.

Am I overreacting please?

It seems like it's more not a direct lie, but more he's not said exactly the details sorta thing,