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Original poster

He lied to me about meeting up with another woman

56 replies

WTAFFF · 24/03/2022 20:41

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few years.

Just before lockdown he reconnected with an old colleague seemingly at random. He started going on nights out with her.

During lockdown this seemed to fizzle out: however, a few weeks ago he said he was meeting up with one of his male friends.

He let slip today that he’d actually met up with his old colleague. He maintains that he also met up with his male friend and they drove for an hour to go for a walk and a pub lunch.

I wasn’t invited on this walk. I asked him when he got back if he’d had a nice time but he didn’t tell me where he’d gone or that this woman was there.

I feel like he’s lied to me and it makes me a little bit suspicious. He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t think it was relevant.

Am I overreacting please?

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 24/03/2022 20:45

He didn't tell you because he didn't want you to know.

I wouldn't conceal meeting up with an old colleague unless I had something to hide.

Would you?

tasht333 · 24/03/2022 20:52

Hmm I'd definitely be thinking there's more to this. We don't hide things that we're not worried about.

How did he let it slip that she was there on this walk?

Original poster
WTAFFF · 24/03/2022 21:05

He mentioned that he’d gone to a place an hour away from us and I asked him why he’d gone so far away when both him and his friend are from the same area.

It just made no sense to me to drive to this place an hour away. Especially in March. He then spun some story about how his friend had invited an old colleague so he invited his old colleague. Surprise surprise the friend’s colleague didn’t turn up. I’m not even convinced that his male
Friend was there.

But apparently I’m irrational and he didn’t lie to me. I’m also jealous apparently but I shouldn’t be because the colleague is overweight.

Nothing about this sounds normal to me. He’s really annoyed me not only with his actions, his lies but his attitude to me.

OP posts:
Blue4YOU · 24/03/2022 21:26

Is his colleague overweight? Is he just bullshitting you on every conceivable level?
I mean why can’t he be attracted to an “overweight “ person.
I’m overweight (size 12 but older so I need to lose weight).
I call utter bollox from him - he’s very keen on this ex colleague and is telling you whatever he thinks will throw you off the scent

Original poster
WTAFFF · 24/03/2022 21:31

I’ve never met her so I wouldn’t know if she was a supermodel.

Also I’m not thin so I know he’s just talking rubbish.

OP posts:
layladomino · 24/03/2022 21:38

Yes he's lied. That you know for sure. And I can't imagine he would try to claim that lying is sometimes OK in a relationship (if he thinks it is, what else has he lied about?)

The lying would be enough for me to say I was done. I'd be clear that I wasn't jealous in any way at all, but I won't put up with being lied to. I want and deserve a partner I can trust.

SheKnowsWithoutKnowing · 24/03/2022 22:02

Sounds dodgy that he wasn't telling you his plans upfront,
You're not over reacting.

me4real · 24/03/2022 22:48

I’m overweight (size 12 but older so I need to lose weight).

@Blue4YOU This is an aside but nothing wrong with a 12. Especially as we get older, it can look better in the face and is natural as we age.

DatingDinosaur · 24/03/2022 23:35

” He let slip today that he’d actually met up with his old colleague.”

This bit is true.

”He maintains that he also met up with his male friend and they drove for an hour to go for a walk and a pub lunch.”

This bit is bollocks.

” I feel like he’s lied to me”

He has.

”and it makes me a little bit suspicious.”

Yes, I would be too.

”He said he didn’t tell me because he didn’t think it was relevant.”

More bollocks.

"Am I overreacting please?”

Nope. Definitely not overreacting.

Blue4YOU · 24/03/2022 23:52

OP whatever you do Do not get engaged to this guy!

WTF475878237NC · 25/03/2022 03:58

You feel like he's lied because he has!

Original poster
WTAFFF · 25/03/2022 04:51

He said he didn’t tell me that she was coming because I’d give him a load of grief about it because I have jealous tendencies.

I’m actually really sad about the way he has treated me and it has affected the trust that I have in him. Every time he goes out now, I am going to be wondering where he is and if he has told me the whole truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
WTAFFF · 25/03/2022 05:02

I can’t sleep because I’m upset at the way he’s treated me. He knew in advance that she was coming and he took a conscious decision not to tell me.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 25/03/2022 06:50

He lied and then lied again with his ludicrous ‘my friend invited an old colleague, so I did too.’ How predictable that he is now shifting the blame by accusing you of being irrational and jealous. He is making a mug of you, WTAFF.

His subterfuge and dishonesty suggest that he and this OW got close on their previous nights out, and he is again investing in her.

Is lying a dealbreaker for you? It would be for me, so would move on. He’s a bad bet.

StooOrangeyForCrows · 25/03/2022 06:55

Get out. He's seeing another woman and blaming you for being upset.

His attitude to you absolutely stinks.

Loopytiles · 25/03/2022 06:57

‘Not just friends’.

And he’s trying to gaslight you (‘jealous tendencies’).

Workinghardeveryday · 25/03/2022 06:59

Sorry he is doing this. Of course you are right to be asking questions, who wouldn’t!!

Stick to your guns my lovely. Get some answers and then tell him to fuck off out of your life.

You deserve better xxx

BOOTS52 · 25/03/2022 07:00

He sounds like a dickhead to be honest and a lying one at that. Now he is trying to turn it around to say you are jealous and insecure to take the heat off of him. I could not live like that as you said be always worrying about what he is doing. Tell him the door is open and can he leave now. Look up boundaries and you deserve better than what he is offering.

Besttobe8001 · 25/03/2022 07:07

@me4real

I’m overweight (size 12 but older so I need to lose weight).

@Blue4YOU This is an aside but nothing wrong with a 12. Especially as we get older, it can look better in the face and is natural as we age.

An aside but there's nothing 'wrong' with being any size.
Mumof3confused · 25/03/2022 07:13

This won’t get any better. He didn’t tell you because he knew he was doing something wrong. It’s the slippery slope into an affair.

And his reaction, that you’re jealous and that’s why he didn’t tell you. That’s just shifting the blame on to you. If anything you are likely jealous because he’s dishonest and you can sense it. If he can’t even see how you might feel about this, what have you got to build a relationship on?

candles1298 · 25/03/2022 07:27

His story is already changing. He didn't tell you cos he didn't think it was relevant, then he changed his mind and said it's cos you have jealous tendencies

You don't have jealous tendencies.....you have trust issues and no bloody wonder

Also if you're meeting a friend and they say they bringing an ex colleague a grown adult doesn't automatically think "oh I must invite someone too and it must be an ex colleague" - it's not a game of snap he was playing. He's making it sounds like him and his mate were on some kind of teddy bears picnic and he had to take a teddy cos his friend was.

GeneLovesJezebel · 25/03/2022 07:28

You need to end it. You can’t trust him.

HellToTheNope · 25/03/2022 07:32

Why haven't you dumped him? He's playing you for a fool.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/03/2022 07:32

Dodgy as fuck. Shit morals and gas lighting is a form of abuse.
Get out!

Watchkeys · 25/03/2022 07:36

The top and bottom of this is that you can't love someone you don't trust. Don't pull it apart or criticise yourself. You don't need proof. There is no 'over reacting' because there are no rules about how much you should be reacting. You are acting according to your instinct and that's who you are. If he doesn't like that, that's fine, but don't hang around with people who don't like you as you are.