DP repeatedly told me to 'fuck off' in his sleep!

[PatButchersEarring]

Hi,
I don't know what to make of this really.
Sunday afternoon, DP went out to watch the football. Apparently had 5 cans of beer.
Came home around 7. Was slightly tipsy, but certainly not steaming drunk.
We both had a glass of wine in the evening and went to bed together about 9.30. Cuddled up and went to sleep.
Around 12.30am, I woke up and DP was laying across the bed leaving me with little room. I (nicely) tried to wake him to get him to move over a little. He couldn't be woken easily, so I kept trying as I was really squashed. He was like a dead weight. He then kind of stirred so I asked him to budge over. He said 'you've got loads of room. Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off.' Eventually, I said 'Stop it!' in a very firm voice, he stirred a little more and did move enough for me to be comfortable.
The next day, he goes to kiss me etc as though nothing has happened. I am obviously upset by the incident and told him so- he cannot remember a thing about it/didn't know it had happened!
He has apologised profusely and said that he was unconscious whilst saying it- not helped by having had quite a few drinks earlier. We have discussed the drink issue element of this and he is saying he will cut back. He has had other sleep/drink related issues in the past- weeing in cupboards etc- Not often, but it has happened and he has never said unpleasant stuff in his sleep before.
As I say, he has apogised, but I am struggling to get over it. It has really upset and shaken me.
How do I get over this? Overall, our relationship is fairly solid, but this was horrible!

@AttilaTheMeerkat

He urinating previously in cupboards is grim.

And people with alcohol dependence problems always say they will cut back and it never happens . How many times have you heard him say that before now?. His recent swearing in his sleep is just the latest in a long line of rubbish behaviour you’ve put up with.

You may well love him but if you’re with an alcoholic you are on a hiding to nothing here.

He said fuck off in his sleep and you've come up with the fact he's an alcoholic 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Christ above give me strength

I'd move on. He's clearly feeling awful for it and he wasn't conscious so it's not like it was deliberate.
I've done far worse in my sleep!

I once woke up to find DH climbing inside the wardrobe, and when I asked what on earth he was doing, he told me not to worry, and that snoop dog and dr dre were in the basement and he was off to rescue them.

I was pregnant at the time, and had one of their songs on repeat a lot, clearly his subconscious finally snapped. Possibly through fear of his severely hormonal wife who would cry without my playlist 😁

I once told a flight attendant to fuck off when she was walking me up from a slightly drunken sleep to ask me to put my seatbelt on. Obviously it was accidental.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Some posters may not think it a big deal but unlike you they don’t live with him.

This from him is really the latest in a long line of crap behaviour from him towards you. What did you think when he peed in the cupboard that time?.

It’s impossible to control another persons drinking. He was awake enough also to tell you that you had enough room. And there will be a next time he’ll be an arse towards you because he’s drunk too much again.

This.

He was clear enough to know what you were asking him about, bed space, AND to tell you that you had enough, before he told you to F off repeatedly.

OP, you have every right to be concerned.

He drinks too much.

Listen to your gut here.

I would be very wary.

Have you children?

If not think long and hard about it with him.

Just because the relationship behaviour bar is low on MN, doesn't mean yours has to be.

He was pissed AND asleep? I couldn't get worked up about it. I'd take the piss incessantly and be discussing his alcohol intake.

My DP and DSis are both prolific sleep talkers. Off the top of my head, DP has nudged me awake to ask to borrow my dice and my sister has narrated an entire plane crash.

I’m more...active. I’ve punched DP in the face before and once woke us both up while I was ‘watering the plants’ (I’d actually just dumped a pint of water in the bed)

The sleepwalking wouldn't bother me.
The cupboards thing would be a dealbreaker though!

Christ. Get over it.

He was deeply asleep, he did apologies for it the another morning.

What the hell can he do more?

You sound lovely to live with.🤕

I've kicked dh many times during scary dreams etc. Bruised him! He knows it's while I'm unconscious. The peeing in a cupboard is a wtf for me tho.

He was not sleepwalking.

OP made an earlier comment:-
"We have discussed the drink issue element of this and he is saying he will cut back".

OP has also discussed his drinking with him before. Discussing alcohol intake with such men is a waste of time because all they will hear is white noise. This is who he is and OP will have to decide for her own self whether she wants to keep putting up with this from him or not.

Would any of you seriously put up with a man who previously pissed in a cupboard due to drink?.

My 7 year old was really cross at an owl whilst asleep last night. I have no idea what the owl had done to her but it got a right telling off!

I understand that it was hurtful to you to hear that from your husband but he didn't do it on purpose.

He was clear enough to know what you were asking him about, bed space, AND to tell you that you had enough, before he told you to F off repeatedly.

Have a look at information on hypnagogia. Despite giving an apparently lucid answer, he may genuinely have been completely unaware. One night I started to dream that my partner was stealing the duvet off me. I gradually come to wrestling the duvet from him, thinking you bastard, why are you stealing the duvet, I need it. Woke up properly to realise that I had all the duvet and most of the bed. Poor sod was only trying to make a rightful claim.

I've also elbowed him really hard in the stomach whilst I was asleep. Fortunately he does not hold these things against me. It really all depends on what else is going on in the OP's relationship. But honestly, I've known perfectly lovely people come out with really outlandish stuff when they're in that borderland between sleeping and waking.

I think you’re overreacting. Ive said worse to my partner and he’s said worse to me whilst asleep.

When my dh has tried to take the blanket back from me in the past I have said some truly horrible things that I had absolutely no intention of saying and have absolutely not meant to say they. Please don't hold this against him.

As an isolated incident I would have found this hilarious and would have used it to take the piss out of DH for at least a few years afterwards.
I think you need to move on!

Billy 1966 are you really encouraging this asking if there are kids etc? He said f off in his sleep after a few cans, grow up

@Locomelon

As an isolated incident I would have found this hilarious and would have used it to take the piss out of DH for at least a few years afterwards. I think you need to move on!

It's not an isolated incident

@AttilaTheMeerkat I feel like this might actually be more about your issues than the op.
There’s no real evidence to say this man is an alcoholic.
A lot of people have done occasionally stupid things after one too many. I know I have and I am NOT an alcoholic.
Behaviours during sleep is not something we can control.
We don’t know enough about the man or their relationship to sensibly comment on how big a deal this is.
She’s says he doesn’t remember, was mortified and has apologised.
You seem to be extrapolating an awful lot from very limited information.

The OP has mentioned that his issue with alcohol has come up before.
His behaviour has left her shaken and upset.

Having children with someone who is over reliant on alcohol is not a good idea.

I don't think anyone has called him an alcoholic but the OP has said his drinking has been an issue.

People do not wake up one morning to find they are alcoholics.

The road to being an alcoholic is paved with stories like pissing in wardrobes and other behaviour that weren't seen as a warning to pull back.

The OP should listen to her gut and be honest with herself.

Is it just a very occasional thing or is it a regular habit to drink too much, to such an extent that she is regularly unhappy with it.

If you are unhappy with his drinking, think long and hard before you commit long term.

Weeing in cupboards etc is awful and swearing at you in his sleep is also not good.

He needs to cut back on alcohol and see if his behaviour improves?

Or she is controlling and don't like him chilling out having a few beers and watching football which she classes as a lot of drink. The issue she refers to as bad is Sunday which is ridiculous. I'd be so mad if I was him of this coming up because something he said in his sleep then you have some pathetic people on here making out it's really bad because they have nothing better to do and for me these people are worse than him

I'm going to guess there's a history of disrespect in your relationship, if you're so shaken by this incident.

OP your being a bit precious. He didn't say it intentionally, get over it

😆😂🤣 I’m sorry OP but I actually find this extremely funny. Hopefully at some point you will be able to look back on this and laugh about it.